Re: My Wife of 9 years has become very friendly with a younger male..
Oh geez... COMMUNICATE!!! Tell her what you're feeling. Tell her what you're thinking and how it made you feel!!! Draconis... yeah, a lot of swinger relationships end with the one partner leaving for the third, but a LOT MORE are successful and they are so because the couple communicates BEFORE initiation of another party, and then they follow the rules they set for themselves. That's the problem here... there were no lines drawn, there was no communication about the situation. Now there is frustration, doubt and question.
Mike, talk to her, tell her how it makes you feel, tell her you wouldn't mind watching him be with her, but maybe only if you're present, or only if she gives you every detail, whatever works for you two. If you have a strong relationship with her, it might just work out if the boy toy realizes and respects his place. In time it will pass, and in the meantime, you'll have a great time!!
You are most certainly not nuts. We had a female friend for my husband for a while, and I LOVED watching him with her. That was six years ago, we're still together and happy (and missing a toy friend). My husband and I talked about EVERYTHING possible. We laid extensive ground rules and didn't break them. It never caused any problems, only pleasure. It can work, you just have to work at it. Keep us posted... this one is interesting. =)