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Old 12-27-2009, 09:23 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

My last comment is that I'm separated from my husband. When he relaxes and has a good time with me on an outing, he often seems cold and distant later. Like he's reminding himself to be mad at me and not have too much fun. Seems like it could go either way in the future so it is confusing like your situation.
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:40 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Wow that is exactly how my wife is acting with me and its driving me freaking nuts totally nuts and im feeling you a 100% on that now , and on that book is it a ebook or something i need to pay for or can i Download it some other way cause i have spent a fortune on them things and other things and on things for my wife and now she is useing my money from the bank suddenly freely as well and since the holidays i have no clue what she has spent and were my account is lol kinda scares me right now and i should have looked today maybe but didnt yet either
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:43 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

They have it on Amazon. Also they have a Divorce Busting site with a forum where people write in what they have tried to help their relationships and what has worked and what has not. It has some interesting insight, but it is also scary. Some people on that board have been trying to fix their marriages for three or more years.

I will also say that my husband made the comment to me that he has lost trust and is protecting his feelings in some way from me. So maybe that's why he acts like that after we've obviously had a pretty good time. He wants to put his guard back up so as not to get hurt. Or he wants to get revenge? I'm not sure. I try to be positive and assume it is just because he is depressed or scared, but I'm not sure.
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:51 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

the mutual friend that talks to my wife and i both said the same thing as that pretty much about my wife and says that is just what she is doing cause she has lost trust in me and is scared to let me back in cause she is afraid to get hurt so sometimes her walls come down and she realizes it and puts it back up fast the trick is getting it to stay down longer each time i think and that seems to take a lot of time so far but i do think it is happening just slower way slower then i like and it is killing me if you read the letter i recieved from mort fertel then that is how i feel im standing right now if not its posted in several places on here one is on the breaking down the walls post in the private section
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Old 12-27-2009, 09:59 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

The trick seems to be not messing up the new trust. And it's hard for anyone to be perfect, of course. And also being patient and loving without letting them take it too far and take advantage of you or "get back" at you. I've heard that there is a fine balance between seeking forgiveness and reconciliation and winding up becoming a doormat for an angry ex. It seems hard to tell how to balance these things.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:01 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

Last thought is that on that Divorce Busting site some people say laying off the chase or pursuit can help bring the walls down. You don't ignore them, but you make them know you have given up "the chase"-- pursuit is a form of pressure that makes some exes not trust you. Then other exes get their feelings hurt if you are not available enough. It is all very confusing.
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:31 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

hmm very interesting and do you have a copy of that book by chance ??? sorry to ask lol but i have to and just got word from the wife and My mutual friend seems the ring set i got her (wedding set to be told the truth ) she talked with her on chrismas night for a short time but the wife did mention to her she tried them on she liked them and was happy they fit yet isnt wearing them either right now . what do you make of that ?
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:36 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: what are signs your spouse really dont want to divorce but is still closed off

Sounds like she does not want to commit to a decision either way. I think you have a chance, but I don't know how big of one. Also I don't know if she knows or not. If you worry about what's going on with her too much, she might sense it and feel pressured or feel that she can drag this out even though she knows you have changed. Seems like a tough call. Good night and good luck!
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Old 12-27-2009, 10:55 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Yea that too is something i fear and think about a lot but i can not give up on my family the kids alone are worth the effort and i will not give up hope or break in any manor now that i understand bigbadwolf a little better i see what he is saying and i am doing a lot of what he is suggesting other then pushing some of these things he suggests cause its not that time i dont feel yet with my wife if there ever will be that is yet to be seen but i will fight the hole way through it and see what happens
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