Maybe she will - but all I know is that this is her loss, I am a good guy and I have a lot to offer the RIGHT person.. She is not the right person anymore..
As for moving fast... for me, once I was sure it was over, I saw no advantage to trying to drag it out - it would just give her more time to think about getting more $$ from me.. so I figure lets get it done and over with so I can move on... the speed of the divorce was for my sake, and sanity...
Just finished reading all 18 pages... WOW, I guess my therapist was right - I'm not alone! I feel for you bro!
My situation is much the same - been together 14 years (married for 3.5). She gave me the "I love you but not in love" thing about a month ago. She's been living with her parents for the last 2 weeks - I asked her to leave.
Don't mean to hijack your thread but I'm in the same messed up state of mind you were in... Did you take up the advice on reading any of the books? If so which one would you recommend - I need something constructive to distract me for a little while... "I Love You but I'm Not IN Love with You" by Andrew G. Marshall kinda caught my eye but not sure if its any good.
Just finished reading all 18 pages... WOW, I guess my therapist was right - I'm not alone! I feel for you bro!
My situation is much the same - been together 14 years (married for 3.5). She gave me the "I love you but not in love" thing about a month ago. She's been living with her parents for the last 2 weeks - I asked her to leave.
Don't mean to hijack your thread but I'm in the same messed up state of mind you were in... Did you take up the advice on reading any of the books? If so which one would you recommend - I need something constructive to distract me for a little while... "I Love You but I'm Not IN Love with You" by Andrew G. Marshall kinda caught my eye but not sure if its any good.
Thanks!
GFC,
I think I read every self help book out there about saving a marriage, midlife crisis, etc.. While they all have good advice, nothing worked for me. My wife and I are now divorced, and I can honestly say that I do not ever see us getting back together.
But - I can also say that I am happier than I have been in a very long time... It took me a very long time to realize that what I missed was the relationship, not so much my wife as a person (I got the opportunity to spend the day with my X-wife a month ago and it became obvious to me that I do not like her much anymore, she is not a good person)...
The best advice I can give you, and I know you don't want to hear this, is:
1. Take care of yourself... go to the gym, get in shape, learn about nutrition on how it effects your mental well being.
2. Go out - with females... or get some good female friends... I have 2 female friends that helped me greatly through some very tough times.. it is invaluable to have an honest female opinion during tough times..
3. Date - as soon as you can.. Meeting other women will soon show you that there are alot of very cool and good looking women out there.. it is alot of fun.
I know these things are the furthest thing from your mind, but these thing will help you move quicker from a very bad state of mind to a more healthier state of mind... Remember - you cannot, no matter how much you want to, control your wifes actions, thoughts, etc.. You can only control you. So do something good for yourself...
It does get better in time (way, way better), even though I know right now it does not seem that way... hang in there bro..
Het Cpt glad things are going well. I'm starting to see the light also. We are very close to the end, just awaiting the attys and judge to enter it into the record.
I can honestly say my stb-ex looks pretty bad and I think things are catching up with her. Oh well, I'm looking at this as permanent and don't plan to get back together after what she did. I hope whe fully realizes someday what she did. I'm realizing that there are plenty of fish in the sea that would be happy with me.
Believe me I am going through the same thing as you. I dont know how I will make it I sit and cry everyday, scream to god and beg my wife to come back. We were married for 10 years and have a little girl. She left me about a month ago, moved 2 hours away. I just dont know what to do. Hope it gets easier god I hope so.
Believe me I am going through the same thing as you. I dont know how I will make it I sit and cry everyday, scream to god and beg my wife to come back. We were married for 10 years and have a little girl. She left me about a month ago, moved 2 hours away. I just dont know what to do. Hope it gets easier god I hope so.
It does get easier - you will have good days and bad days but once you learn to accept the fact that she is gone it gets easier. I am hoping for a new start free from the insanity that my stb ex has put me through. She has taken her best shot and it almost destroyed me, but with counseling and help she wasn't able to.
Bottom line is that she has no say so in my life anymore and I truly do not care what she has to say or thinks. i think you have to get angry at what she did to reach this point , but eventually you will.
BTW, I begged also for my W to come back like you and that does not work. It's generally a waste of time to even try as the "leaver" has been plotting for a long time.
I am in Africa and boy, same crap happening here as it is there, unbelievable. I am going through the exact same, she will be leaving at the end of this month, to move into her own flat, no talk of Divorce yet etc etc etc, but the crap she is getting up to is unbelievable. She does the oral thing with anyone who cares to stand still for long enough....
So, the bottom line is, from what I can gather, do I just let her go, and move on, becuse she will never be the same again, or hang about for a while....
Someone told me that in the few weeks before she leaves I should try and get as much nookie as I can.... ha ha, I can barely get within a country mile of her...
She said she just wants her freedom etc etc etc .... we have a house in both of our name and she is still prepared to pay for stuff like we are doing now... she says we will just be living in different houses...
Anyway, have a 15yo and a 10yo, and she said to them they can come stay with her on Sun Mon and Tues. The 10yo was happy with this but the 15yo told her he will never F ing want to see her again.... got very disrespectful and this is how it is going.
Should I hang in or let go and tell the 15yo to stop his crap... have NOOOOOOOO idea what to do. I feel counselling stuffed things up more than anything.
Het Cpt glad things are going well. I'm starting to see the light also. We are very close to the end, just awaiting the attys and judge to enter it into the record.
I can honestly say my stb-ex looks pretty bad and I think things are catching up with her. Oh well, I'm looking at this as permanent and don't plan to get back together after what she did. I hope whe fully realizes someday what she did. I'm realizing that there are plenty of fish in the sea that would be happy with me.
NC -
Things are going real well... me and the X are on friendly terms, we talk occasionally about mostly asset related stuff (we still own a house together we are trying to sell).. I have to say after all this I am very much a happier person without her.. We were very much different, and now that we have been apart for a while it is much easier to see...
Smiles and I started dating last week - she is a wonderful girl and we have alot in common.. it is very refreshing. I haven't had this much fun in years... and I like to have fun...
Hope everything is getting better w/you... keep in touch...
I am in Africa and boy, same crap happening here as it is there, unbelievable. I am going through the exact same, she will be leaving at the end of this month, to move into her own flat, no talk of Divorce yet etc etc etc, but the crap she is getting up to is unbelievable. She does the oral thing with anyone who cares to stand still for long enough....
So, the bottom line is, from what I can gather, do I just let her go, and move on, becuse she will never be the same again, or hang about for a while....
Someone told me that in the few weeks before she leaves I should try and get as much nookie as I can.... ha ha, I can barely get within a country mile of her...
She said she just wants her freedom etc etc etc .... we have a house in both of our name and she is still prepared to pay for stuff like we are doing now... she says we will just be living in different houses...
Anyway, have a 15yo and a 10yo, and she said to them they can come stay with her on Sun Mon and Tues. The 10yo was happy with this but the 15yo told her he will never F ing want to see her again.... got very disrespectful and this is how it is going.
Should I hang in or let go and tell the 15yo to stop his crap... have NOOOOOOOO idea what to do. I feel counselling stuffed things up more than anything.
You have to realize that you cant control her actions.. You have to do what is good for you...
I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I sympathize with you. But hear is what I know to be fact. If your wife truly wanted to leave you or could have she would have. Moving into another room in your home while you still support her is not divorce its manipulation.
She cant afford to leave you or truly dose not want to. If she truly wanted out and with a MD why not get a job and save money then just simply leave? Things that make you say Hmmmm. She is testing the waters of single life. And you may be right about the online stuff. People who spend allot of time online are looking for something.I don't know you. But I know how women think. If she thinks you love her so much she can do what she pleases and you will still support her then she will continue this behavior until you can no longer tolerate it. She is using you because she knows she can (you love her).
You seem like a nice guy but I don't know you ether or why she is where she is. But I will tell you this for a fact. When most people leave a long term relationship there devastated. They think no one else will want them and feel very insecure. DON'T your a good man with a hart not to many of them left in the world. Your being supportive but the truth is if she wants to fly on her own then make her do it on her own she is crippling you for her own selfish wants and needs.You can not move on or grieve with her still living with you. It is going to make it harder on you in the long run. If you continue on this path it will be that much harder on you. I am not trying to be negative or bad mouth your wife but the fact is this. She wants what she wants and is not considering they affects on you and your mental well being. You can not begin again or to heal under these circumstances. Some one has to go. Then you can begin to heal. Again I am sorry for your loss but don't be taken advantage of you don't deserve that.
Re: Wife is leaving, Im devastated.... 
Re: Wife is leaving, Im devastated.... 
