Hmm i hate to say this and i no many will argue this but i suggest going to
Larry Bilotta s website cause a midlife crisis turns out exspecially on the persons upbringing can actually come at any time its more of feeling like she or he is alienated from there own self and has to find themselves to be right and you are the easiest to blame at the moment... No offence but take and go to that guys site read his info sign up for his free phone call deal its more then worth it and he will send you a ebook on just that thing you talk about and believe me you will like it and it will give you insight or you can post me in private and ill send you a copy of the material myself..
either way you can get around this and the EA it only takes some insight into her mind that you wont get cause as well as you no her right now she is not that person right now she might not even no who she really is either .. long story but its worth the info post me or go to the site and get the phone call yourself and he will send it to you for free , if not i can email it to you if you would like...
listen to K.. Do not listen to her.. Believe only a little part of it.. My wife told me and the cousellor that she was done with me. Even the counsellor told me she never saw somebody be as determined as my wife was and come back. Well 3 months later she was begging me not to leave her. Let her spin her wheels. She is digging the hole..
Today.... well.. I have to say today was the first day I actually felt ok.. Came home from work, wife was home on facebook with her new account... I let our dog out and told her I had some plans... I really didn't want to be around her... that was the first time in 20 years I have ever felt like that.. it almost made me giddy... so i went to a nice department store and bought some new undershirts and boxer briefs (TMI - I know...but I have not been shopping alone in a very, very long time).. then I went out to dinner by myself (I usually offer to cook almost every night - like I have for the past 15 years - I love to cook) I didn't ask her anything... Came home about 8 oclock - she's back in her room with the door open - Oh well. This is the first day in over a month I have not cried (albeit the day is not over yet)... Did a kick ass cardio workout (burned 700 calories) was feeling pretty good about myself..
So then my stupid a$$ decides to look at her new FB page - and she was being very flirtatious (might I say almost $lutty) with just about anyone who would listen... I wanted to just slap her upside the head and ask her WTF!!!! But I would never lay a hand on my wife (nor have I ever). THIS IS NOT THE WOMEN I MARRED!!! WHERE THE HELL DID MY WIFE GO?? I am my own worst enemy some times.
you are doing great
it is very destablising to see someone you know so well doing things that don't connect in this way....
humans are complex creatures cpt.
don't blame yourself fo rlooking what she is doing on facebook -it' natural
but if it hurts don't do it anymore
let her have that
all to herself
won't deliver anything in the long run - it's a mindless distraction -
Sounds like over all you had a good day yesterday cpt. Seems like the pain is easier when you keep yourself distracted and doing something for you. As far as the computer anybody would do the same thing. Something you said struck a chord with me and that was "where is my wife". I totally get that and Im still not at the point where I can understand how the man I lived with for 18 years just dissapeared and was replaced with that uncaring shell. Maybe someday..... Posted via Mobile Device
She was very nice to me today - laughing giggling, etc.. came out of her room most of the day.. but I know it's all a lie... many many tears today (she didn't see any, but damn I am still hurting.. then 8:00pm - whoom into her room door shut on the pc.. says she's looking for a job - but I have logs I know she's on facebook - but I am really starting not to care anymore... think im gonna go work out.. she can hear that ( I work out in my house) - but I don't care - gonna keep myself looking and trying to feel good...
I'm sorry cpt. stay strong. sounds like you are doing all the right things like going shopping and working out. When your wife gets that job she is looking for she will be in for one rude surprise I can assure you of that. It's not all that fun and it won't change her life into a wonderful existance like she thinks.
I know that's true... even to the point I am trying to help her find the damn job.. but... in my mind, she could do all this without having to leave our marriage - but again - she is not thinking clearly that's for sure... I know this is going to be a long road - hope Im up for the journey.
Hope you are feeling better today... man it sure was cold here on the SW coast today.. had the winter jacket on!!
Yep cpt, snowed up this way. TV News showed the pics, but I missed the snow. LOL Today has been up and down. While I can cognitively accept the situation, things trigger emotional reactions. And of course I'm worried about future finances on the practical side.
Seems your wife needs to get a taste of real life at work - it's a lot worse than she thinks. Did she ever expain why marriage and work are mutually exclusive ?
Form her I got the "I love you but not in love with you speech".. when I probed her, I got the "I haven't lived any life but your life" - which she said the other day when we talked alittle.. I don't think she is lying...
Our lives have been very busy and I like to be social and do things with friends (with my wife included - I included her in 99% of everything I did - I loved spending time with her) - trips, boating/fishing, business events, black tie gala's, etc. I thought she was having fun, but as I look back I can honestly say that I cannot name 1 thing my wife likes to do that has been 100% her idea. Everything she said she likes to do were all my idea (boating, fishing, traveling, moving to FL, etc). She does not know what makes her happy.. and I have to tell you, that make me very sad... I feel for her and what she is going through, even though she does not reciprocate those feelings to what I am going through...
I am hoping that she will just snap out of it and realize that she does love me.. but even if she did, things have to change big time... I am NOT going though this again I can promise you that
You can't be responsible for her happiness, that has to come from within her. This is exactly the same thing I'm dealing with my W. She thinks if she changes her life she will be happy. I think she will just change her life and nothing will change but the view. We will see. Sounds like your wife may do well with getting some counseling help.
She will never do that - she has a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling... it's just all around sad...she doesn't feel there is anything wrong with what she is doing... I do truly feel that some day she will see the error of her ways - but I am afraid by then I will have moved on, even though now I don't want to move on...