If the average nice guy simply learned to do a small number of things differently - so many marriages would be happy/would not end in divorce:
- Use of a tone of voice with a sharp edge - this is way way better then being loud - the tone is very scary when done right
- Use of simple questions that when answered in a bs way by the female - the man just stares and says NOTHING no matter how long the silence lasts - if she doesn't retract amend eventually he walks away from the conversation
- Use of the question "would you really be ok if I did that to you?"
- Use of limited communication. In an argument where you deadlock, half the time you should holdout until she comes to you and half the time you should initiate the olive branch. It doesn't matter as much who apologizes as long as the conversation is rational and it is clear that she is trying to be fair to you and see your point of view as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scannerguard
BigBadWolf:
Yeah, Fight Club is another good "guy flick."
The theme in literature is repeated over and over. . .Dr Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde.
The Incredible Hulk. . .the monster that lies dormant in every male - probably the "superhero" I could most identify with.
(My stb-x has learned the David Banner lesson - "Don't make me angry. . .you wouldn't like me when I am angry."
All stories retold with the same theme/moral. There is a dark/necessary side to every human male.
I think "Nice Guys" (this probably deserves a separate thread) sort of are taught if you hold down a job, be a good father, be nice to your wife, be forgiving, that your wife will "reward you" with love/sex/understanding/etc.
It just doesn't work that way unfortunately.
Just like "Good Kirk" who couldn't command the Enterprise. . .I have come to realize that Good Scannerguard was not piloting the relationship well and "the inmate" (my stb-x) was running the assylum. . .thus, I need Bad Scannerguard.
In the end though, Good must subjugate (sp?) the Bad. . .always leaving him just beneath the surface, just slightly tamed, ready to be released. The Good Scannerguard will emerge again.
Well, enough of the philosophical babble. . .back to work, lol. Interesting group of "nice guys" here going through divorce.
valentines day is approaching, and I don't know what to do. dinner?
talk and leave.....its so weird to me right now. I continue to adjust to life by myself. Her saying that she's so damn happy by herself kind of bothers me. I think i need to mentally shoot the nice guy in me.
Well since my wife is leaving me tomorrow, I won't need to worry about valentines day as I won't know where she is or where to send a card..... she has an apt somewhere in town. Not sure I even care to know at this point.
Well since my wife is leaving me tomorrow, I won't need to worry about valentines day as I won't know where she is or where to send a card..... she has an apt somewhere in town. Not sure I even care to know at this point.
i'm sorry man, that is a toughy. i wish you the best brother.
I know exactly where my W will be on V day. She will be with her new boyfriend. She has already made that clear. Would anything but a nice guy accept that?
I know exactly where my W will be on V day. She will be with her new boyfriend. She has already made that clear. Would anything but a nice guy accept that?
WOW I don't know what to say guys , but I'm going to forget that Valentines day exists for now. Besides , my W is not around any more so I don't have anyone to give a card and flowers to anyway.
well i may be a fool and i hope that im not pushing her away, but i ordered a flower delivery for her this friday before valentines, with a message that says "wishing you the love and happiness that you deserve, love xxx" i will not ask for a date.....i did ask her out to lunch yesterday before the storm, but i didnt even get a response via phone, email or text.
I am trying to distance myself from mine which is hard since she is still in the house. I went out with friends last night and will again tonight. I did buy her a card and a token gift. Nothing like I would have bought her before.
Women do love flowers and I certainly hope for your sake that you are not pushing her away. Most folks tend to agree that when women get in this mood, that no contact is better. But I am finding that no one answer is the right one.
Good luck to you. I truly hope it works out for you.
wow, just had dinner with her for our weekly meet up. I fear she is really far gone now. She isnt cheating on me, but she's too happy being by herself its scary. i think for the first time that she's really gone and my attempts at trying to make this work for reconciliation are futile. I really am still shocked about everything, how night and day it is. happily married, then separated? wtf. so confused still
no mention of valentines day at this meeting. I ordered flowers that are supposed to arrive tomorrow. we'll see how that goes.
Hate to say it NGFL, but I don't think it will matter much. I got my W roses and a card back in January for her birthday, she didn't even read the card. It's like I don't exist. They are simply so wrapped up in themselves they don't even see that we exist. I'm doing nothing for Valentines day because it won't make any difference in my case. I'll get something for my daughter but not my W. I'm persona non grata to her.
I am so sorry that you have found yourself here. Just like me, you were shocked to see it ending so fast.
The one thing I can say is that at least your W's have moved out. Mine hasn't yet so I am constantly having the OM thrown in my face. I guess it is a double edged sword. I do get to talk with my W and try and get some understanding but it comes with a price.
Hopefully we will all find ourselves in a better place soon.
Re: wife left me day 1
