Confused...

worldwideweb · 01-05-2010, 02:52 AM

Hi,

Recently, my wife of almost 10 years declared to me that she is having a relationship for the last 6 months. I suspected so but she denied all these while.

Both of us have gone through a lot during the past 2 months since she shared the truth...we are now in the process of recovery. I have forgave her and wanted to start afresh, however she made the decision not to continue this relationship. We decided the best way forward is to proceed with a separation...which will afford both of us an opportunity to move on with our separate lives. We have also agreed to be good friends...to care for each other.

Since the agreement to seek for separation, she has also been communicating with the other party on a daily basis and have gone out with the other party on several occasions.

However as we edge closer to the signing of the separation document, I noticed a relunctance to commit on a date or to keep pushing back the date. I see a sign of perhaps guilt...treasuring the years of relationship...yet at the very same moment, she is still communicating with the other party.

I loved her very much and at times hestiate to go ahead with the separation...yet I can tolerate her being with the other party...I have decided to proceed to firm up the separation date so that both of us can move on...

Do you think what I did was right?

Thank you for reading...

noideato20 · 01-05-2010, 06:15 AM

I think.you are right because in a way she has made her choice and wont fully understand what she will be losing till she loses it. Not helping the situation at all that the third party is involved. I wish you well someone has to be tuff... Im sorry it has to be you.
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hopefulbutscared · 01-05-2010, 06:27 PM

I agree, u need to keep ur self respect, it seems that she is being very selfish and not caring about your feelings. I understand that people make mistakes but that kind of betrayl (dont know if i spelled that right) for me is unforgiveable, everyone has their oppinions on the subject and i respect that. it's your choice to forgive but dont let her continue to lead you on just because shes not sure. Hope you stay strong and i will keep u in my prayers for strength as i pray for mine. Until now I dont think my husband was cheating on me, but i wouldnt doubt anything anymore, because i dont trust him. I think if maybe if i found something like that, it would obviously devestate me but it'd make it easier for me not to let him come back.... all i can say is focus on yourself, that's what im trying to do. keep me posted we all need support here,

hopefulbutscared

worldwideweb · 01-05-2010, 06:48 PM

Thanks for your concern. I sincerely appreciate it as I do not have anyone to share this with.

Last night, she cried non-stop for 2 hours...I gathered that she was awaken by the fact that the date for signing the separation deed is drawing really close and the reality has hit her hard. I drew my reserved strength to console her.

She is the person that I have loved with my life...she is the last person I would expect to do this...to me, she was an angel sent from the above, almost perfect...to make me a better person which she has done...hence the pain was so much more intense, I've cried so many times that I have lost count...sometimes, even breathing was difficult. Being alive actually hurts.

As a result of these recent happenings, I believe I have lost faith in relationships. I have stopped asking "why"...my soul is really tired...Perhaps time will heal...

The date is drawing closer...I pray for both my wife and myself...

hopefulbutscared · 01-05-2010, 06:57 PM

i understand your pain... I havent stop crying myself. Im only on day 5 and i know that i have a long way to go before i "hope" to feel better. All we can do is take it one day at time and let GOD lead your way....

jessi · 01-05-2010, 07:45 PM

boy can I relate, I'm sorry you are going through all this, your wife sounds like my husband a bit, we are working out our deal as well to separate after finding out of his affair in Nov/09.
i think you have to let this run it's course, if she is unsure of her feelings for you or the OM than she needs to work that out..
I'm hoping for you that she comes to her senses and realizes what she will be giving up.
It's a lot to gamble on a sure thing, or maybe it will work.
Stick with your plan and if it was meant to be for the two of you then she will come back if not make a great life for yourself.
Patience is the hardest thing to do because it does feel like you aren't doing anything....give her the time to think it out...
good luck