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Old 01-11-2010, 02:00 PM   #16 (permalink)
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So our physical assets are finally separate. The only things left to settle are the house and our joint account. But I figure those two issues will be settled together if/when the house sells.

I wish I could find a job so I never have to deal with the joint account. He tells me not to worry that he wants to make sure I am taken care of. But I do worry.

I know it's better for me to sell the house. I could never afford it alone and I don't want roommates. So many memories here anyways.

I have been seeing G a few times a week. What an experience I must say! this dating thing is exhilarating, scary, and confusing!
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Old 01-11-2010, 02:13 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Wren, for a while just enjoy life and remember to make sure you are happy with just being you. That G isn't what is making you happy -- just a compliment to your inner happiness.

I'm glad to hear these things from you. Your tone and outlook are growing positive with leaps and bounds. Good for you.
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Old 01-11-2010, 02:19 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Wren
it is decent of him to be taking care of the financial side of things. But I completely understand you need your financial independence. Everyone does.
And I agree with FA about G...
sounds exciting but try not to get hooked in too quickly.
be cautious...
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Old 01-11-2010, 02:23 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Thanks FA and K. We are both so gun-shy, I am not sure it's possible not to be cautious. I worry I am overly cautious. I just keep telling myself to breathe and enjoy the moment.
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Old 01-11-2010, 03:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Wren it certainly sounds like 2010 is going to be your year and that you have turned the corner so to speak. Enjoy every moment, you certainly deserve all the happiness life has to offer. I am so happy for you.
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Old 01-11-2010, 06:33 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Wren: Such a nice feeling to know that you are doing well. The changes in you since the holidays is night and day.

Have fun with G....being cautious is fine. Nothing wrong with taking things slow.

You will find a job. Things will fall into place, I can feel this for you.

J getting his stuff is good. Selling the house will relieve a burden financially and memory wise. I don't want mine either. I figure he can have the memories. OPen a closet, see a picture, open a drawer...memories everywhere. Good luck to them right?
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:54 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Wren!! I have been out of the loop so I just read over the last few posts to get caught up and I must say you just put a big smile on my face!! I am so happy for you Wren I really am. I'm glad you got a car and I'm relieved that at least he came and got some of his stuff and I am thrilled that you have G as a friend to go out with once in awhile. Everybody has their ups and downs and you my friend are on the up and I'm proud of you. Just remeber throu good and bad you can do it!! And post here!! Esp if your dating life keeps up the way it is......
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:57 PM   #23 (permalink)
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An update:
I am still dating G. It's tricky sometimes because we're both reeling from upcoming divorce. But we enjoy each other and have a great time. I've never dated a man before. Let me explain, ha! I have chosen boys in the past. I am changing my way of thinking and therefore my behaviors.

Therapy is still working well for me. I am not going as often but still committted to the process. I have a long way to go concerning trust issues.

J and I barely speak. I have discovered some lies and deceit. With the tax return, I will add a half bath to the house. And put the house on the market asap.

Still no job. But I have faith, I am on the right path.

For the most part, I am doing fairly well. I still have my moments of grief. I experience bursts of anger. But I am learning to live without him.
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Old 02-03-2010, 09:09 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Yes WREN! We are going to be just fine...we survived the worse part.

Good luck with the job hunting...I know your unemployment there is sky high.

Also, I am glad G is entertaining you. Have some fun!!
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Old 02-04-2010, 05:55 AM   #25 (permalink)
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This is all great news - thanks for letting us know.
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Old 02-04-2010, 06:34 AM   #26 (permalink)
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I had nightmares about J all night. I dreamed he was living with a girl and had been seeing her for more than a year. I woke up peeved that I care.

G and I had our first "fight" last night. He said that I accused him of being dishonest and I needed to realize that he's not J.

Don't we all bring our fears into relationships? How can I not let what J did not affect me and my future?

Ugh. I hate that he still affects me. It's not worth it.
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Old 02-04-2010, 10:16 AM   #27 (permalink)
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He'll affect you Wren and he played a big part in your life. You are still tied to him.

Eventually, you know that things will get better. It's proof of how you are doing now vs. 3 months ago.
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Old 02-09-2010, 12:48 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Well, I did something I am not sure I will or will not regret. Because I am having such a hard time finding a job in this town and also due to the hurt this house brings me, I again offered to let J buy me out of the deed to the house. He accepted.

I have mixed feelings because the truth is, and he will agree, this house is the embodiment of all my hard work. There is a connection to this home that J has never felt. And the idea that he will benefit from it and possibly bring another person into my home causes great sadness and anger in me.

But, I need to detach from him completely. And the mortgage is paid by his paycheck. Once I am detached financially, I feel I can finally say goodbye.

I am terrified because the heat is really on to find a job so I can find another home. Good news is I don't have a move out date but I don't want to rest on that fact.
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Old 02-09-2010, 12:56 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Wren,

New to the board but just wanted to throw this out to you. Getting out of the house will be a good thing. My W has said when she leaves, she doesn't want the house so I get to keep it. But honestly, I am not sure I want to sit in a house we bought and furnished and decorated. Too much to make my mind wonder off into the past.

With a new life comes new places, new people. Hang in there. You are inspiring to those of us that are just beginning this long and painful road.
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Old 02-09-2010, 02:42 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Wren, this is sensible for you -
and gaining financial independence will open so many new possibilities for you...
whatever lovely stuff you have brought to that house - and I am sure it is gorgeous you will bring through your creativity to wherever you live - it is your creativity and your vision that is truly precious - and truly you...
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