I don't want to waste time and mess around with someone that won't be dating material. I have a clear mindset of how a relationship should work. It's all I have ever known and it's a clear fight internally. I know that I am not looking for a marriage just for fun and "we'll see." I need to clear my head from this thinking.
"Relationship" = "R" word.
Hi. . .new to the forum and I have started dating again, after 15 years of marriage.
(don't worry, won't hit on you
I dated someone for around a month over hte holidays - it was nice to feel "normal" and all that - go out to dinner, come home, fool around on the couch some, send flirty texts (this was a new 2010 experience for me since I last dated). . .but we both kind of put a stops to it b/c I came to the conclusion (we came to it) that just from a logistical standpoint. . .a relationship couldn't be sustained because of my important schedule with the kids.
I am not sure if you have children or other time-intensive obligations.
But she has backed down and just considered a friendship with benefits, or going on a cruise/fling in March. So perfect! And it's "adult" b/c it can be sequestered from my children. And maybe it will grow - I enjoy her co. a lot and wouldn't mind monogamy, just not a "R" word.
Now. . .to your benefit. . .there are guys out there who want a relationship. . .I totally realize now that not all women want a relationship and not all men just want flings so don't despair. Some women want flings. . .it works both ways and both genders.
Normally, this isn't me. . .I was always the true-blue "faithful" doteing husband, happy to be the married guy, the "marrying type". But I am stepping out my box and thinking flings, fun, etc.
Anyway, I think we all yearn for a "soulmate" but I don't think the "R" word should even be in your vocabulary right now. Just my opinion. The fact you still cry at night tells me you are not ready for a relationship, even if you are ready to date (make sense?)- you may need to mourn a bit longer. But. . .forcing yourself out there may be the right medicine. I think that's a good thing and go have fun.
I think there is a "Relationship Window" when you break up - between 6 to 12 months.
If you date 6 months or under, you run the risk of just repeating the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship - jumping to the next guy who was the same as the last. If you wait 12 months or more, you never change and grow as a result of the relationship - you become set in your ways.
Just go out on a date and have fun, come back, call your girlfriends and talk about how handsome he was, how ugly he was, what a dote he was, how charming he was, etc. and decide if you'll go out on another.
Good for you. Just a parallel male perspective about where you are at with all this (yes, I still sometimes think of her as "my wife" - probably neural pathways are set).