knortoh

The outdoor stuff seems to be very important in helping to release or manage emotions - just getting really tired can help...Ray and I went for a run to the park this morning and then did some chin ups and sit ups on the bars and ran home - it is fun now that they are getting old enough to do stuff like this with...

Corpuswife

Yes, K it does get fun to be to participate in things side by side.
You sound like such a fun active mom!

I cried a bit before I went to bed last night. I hadn't done that in a while. In my prayers, I still refer to my ex as my husband. It's all semantics or in my heart I almost feel as if he's still is....

The trigger for me is that I have posted myself on a dating website. On one hand, it makes me sick that I am doing this on the other hand, it's something that I need to do. I need to do this to know that someone would actually be interested in my company.

I don't mind telling you all, that after a blow like mine/ours, that I am a bit insecure about my abilities. Yes, I know I have many great qualities-even my ex continues to say it. However, who knows?

I will take this slow and maybe develop some friends along the way. We will see.

knortoh

CW I am proud of you. Taking control. Getting yourself out there. Sure it will raise some emotions in you but I can't help thinking that you are also going to have a lot of fun.
Interest that's the key I agree 100%
I remember saying to my counsellor that I felt that my H was profoundly uninterested in me ...
I really love your sensible ways CW.

I have a feeling that your ego will be rewarded fairly quickly and your issue will be keeping those guys at bay!

And yes maybe you will also find a friend or two. You are excellent friend material.

Feelingalone

CW, i'm not worried about you finding someone. Your H should be. You are honest, strong, straight forward, and very rooted in who you are -- so that comes across to most people.

I understand your thoughts of insecurity but don't dwell on them. They get you no where and wastes energy.

__________________
"Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less" ....C.S. Lewis

SoxMunkey

CW... one day, out of left field, someone wonderful is going to sweep you up off of your feet. You deserve it. Believe that good things can happen to you. And hopefully, before you fall asleep at night... there will be a smile on your face and a peace within your heart. The only tears that you will shed, will be those of joy and happiness.

__________________
It is as hard to see one's self as to look backwards without turning around. -Thoreau

Corpuswife

You guys make me wanna cry...again! This time because of how caring your words are....

I think I may have a date this weekend, a coffee "date." I'll let you know more details as they come along. We are having trouble with schedules.

Notaclue

Good for you CW, I think it's great that you are moving on with life and have a date. I hope someday to have it all together like you. I am so happy good things are starting to happen for you.

BTW, your Ex-H is going to realize what he has done and will be very sorry.

Corpuswife

Well coffee date is Sunday around 6 pm.

Notaclue..I believe the same thing as well. I have moments when I am thinking "well maybe I am wrong." However, not one person that has known us has said he won't regret and want to come back. Even his best friend. He may already be feeling regretful.

Feelingalone

A coffee date. Way to go CW. And I thought I had the first date.

__________________
"Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less" ....C.S. Lewis

Corpuswife

FA: I'll be waiting for our date! It may not be the first one at this point but we'll have fun!

I found out some info. on my guy. My girlfriend has dated him a few times while back. Gave me the scoop. He has a "red flag" in his column now. My friend H and others have encouraged me to go ahead with the date. Treat it like a practice date.

I don't want to waste time and mess around with someone that won't be dating material. I have a clear mindset of how a relationship should work. It's all I have ever known and it's a clear fight internally. I know that I am not looking for a marriage just for fun and "we'll see." I need to clear my head from this thinking.

Feelingalone

Sorry to hear he already has a "red flag", but listen to H. Just try to have fun.

__________________
"Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less" ....C.S. Lewis

Scannerguard

"Relationship" = "R" word.

Hi. . .new to the forum and I have started dating again, after 15 years of marriage.

(don't worry, won't hit on you )

I dated someone for around a month over hte holidays - it was nice to feel "normal" and all that - go out to dinner, come home, fool around on the couch some, send flirty texts (this was a new 2010 experience for me since I last dated). . .but we both kind of put a stops to it b/c I came to the conclusion (we came to it) that just from a logistical standpoint. . .a relationship couldn't be sustained because of my important schedule with the kids.

I am not sure if you have children or other time-intensive obligations.

But she has backed down and just considered a friendship with benefits, or going on a cruise/fling in March. So perfect! And it's "adult" b/c it can be sequestered from my children. And maybe it will grow - I enjoy her co. a lot and wouldn't mind monogamy, just not a "R" word.

Now. . .to your benefit. . .there are guys out there who want a relationship. . .I totally realize now that not all women want a relationship and not all men just want flings so don't despair. Some women want flings. . .it works both ways and both genders.

Normally, this isn't me. . .I was always the true-blue "faithful" doteing husband, happy to be the married guy, the "marrying type". But I am stepping out my box and thinking flings, fun, etc.

Anyway, I think we all yearn for a "soulmate" but I don't think the "R" word should even be in your vocabulary right now. Just my opinion. The fact you still cry at night tells me you are not ready for a relationship, even if you are ready to date (make sense?)- you may need to mourn a bit longer. But. . .forcing yourself out there may be the right medicine. I think that's a good thing and go have fun.

I think there is a "Relationship Window" when you break up - between 6 to 12 months.

If you date 6 months or under, you run the risk of just repeating the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship - jumping to the next guy who was the same as the last. If you wait 12 months or more, you never change and grow as a result of the relationship - you become set in your ways.

Just go out on a date and have fun, come back, call your girlfriends and talk about how handsome he was, how ugly he was, what a dote he was, how charming he was, etc. and decide if you'll go out on another.

Good for you. Just a parallel male perspective about where you are at with all this (yes, I still sometimes think of her as "my wife" - probably neural pathways are set).

Corpuswife

Scanner: Thanks for the post! I think you are right on with the relationship thing...I guess as stated in my previous post I am still holding onto the "relationship" thing ...as that is all I have ever known.

I will purposely need to refocus my thinking out ot the R word to the F word (fun)! I know that will be battle at this point.

I am a busy girl with kids and really don't seem myself time-wise or heart-wise entering into a relationship anytime soon. My D have a few more years of high school. So my fun dating adventures will be in "hiding" during this time.

Great advice.

hyndsight1

Kind of funny reading through this page; I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my 15 years of bliss are probably over. soon after I got the devastating news of her PA, I strangely found myself on a dating website, sort of a knee jerk reaction I guess. Something I had NEVER considered before. I guess as independent as I view myself to be, I realy have a deep down fear of being alone. Anyway, I was imediately disgusted with myself and have moved on to ponder the more important issues for now.........

So CW, whats with you and this date, I was realy hoping you and FA would hit things off!!!


Hmmm, I wonder if a relationship has come from in here? that would be a powerfull thing, now wouldnt it? (I know, inapropriate thought....)

Corpuswife

hyndsight: I understand too well the fear of being alone. I really don't mind it so much but it still seems foreign. I've been with someone so long...no matter what they are a presence.

It's normal to take a peek at what's out there via the dating sites. I did as well. I didn't subscribe until after my divorce. I guess I am traditional! ha

I have already promised FA a date! He might not be my first date but he will be on my "favorite" list! He knows this already. Right FA?