Believe there will be a day where the tear don't come as easily.
6 months ago, I cried out of pain and frustration.
Now, I'm not in so much pain and probably have no frustration.
Now my tears are for the memories. I see it as healthy.
You are still disconnecting Believe and pain is involved. It will take a little more time.
CW - I am finally letting myself go and grieve for the marriage I had, for the husband I loved so dearly and for the best friend that I have now lost. We may have had problems, his heart was never in it - from day one. I think that hurts more than anything. I know now that he's ready to start a new relationship with someone new and that is taking some time to get used to: knowing he will be doing our fun things together with somone else.
Thank you CW for sharing your story. I read everything you have gone through and are still going through and you still get through the days and provide for your children. I am trying to follow your example (and the example of so many others) and pick myself up and move on.
Believe, I still cry. Not nearly as often as I did 9 months ago and for different reasons, I think. It's cleansing as long as it doesn't keep you from living.
I hope Knortoh doesn't mind but she said she is "accepting" her grieving (maybe not her exact words). I like that.
I put in another contract on a house. I've lowballed it and have no expectations other than it would be nice. My realtor/friend noticed how I'm not extremely excited. It's bittersweet to do this on my own. It's bittersweet that I am looking to move away from my "family" home. Plus, with business it better to not get to attached.
I can't tell you how much you all mean to me for sharing my life experiences. Who woulda thought? I never expected this out of a message board.
Today is my ex's birthday. I texted him a "happy birthday" message. I encouraged my D to call him and invite him to dinner, after school/tennis. She did.
They called and invited me with them. They were already at the place and I was still at work. I declined but thanked them. On the way home, I get another call, from my ex inviting me. I said no...you guys go ahead. He said "can I bring you a sandwich." "No thanks" I said. Anyway, he practically begged to bring me one. I relented.
He brought the food when he dropped off our D. He came in a we gave him his birthday gifts. I feel so bad for him. My heart goes out. He doesn't look good or happy. A lonely man.
Another day with seeing the ex at our D's tennis match. He loves to stand close and hover. Amazing. After the match, he offered to take our D back to the house as she needed to stay to watch others. I wanted to leave.
He followed me to the car. Not sure why but helps me put my chair in the truck and then hugs. Then upon, D's drop off he comes in the house and hangs with her. I'm upstairs "napping."
My only analogy that I can think of is he's like a puppy. Like a lost little puppy.
Today, during the match etc. He told me he'd gained 20 pounds. I'm not sure but I did notice a few but the weather hasn't been good for bike riding (his exercise).
Mind you...I am really good at reading behavior. I can tell he's at the cusp of finding regret for his actions. This will take many more months to realize. Then, he may/may not do a thing about it. Just me foretelling the future!!
In the meantime, I'm having a life and doing quite well at it.
I've put a contact on a house and waiting to hear from the owner if he's accepted my bid. Then, the real work will begin.
Good luck on the house CW. Sounds to me like maybe your Ex-H wants to come back, but probably is still confused and conflicted or maybe is afraid to approach you about it because of all the damage he has done. Obviously he still has strong feelings for you.
Wren...you also inspire me. You have come along way baby!! We all have
Notaclue: Perhaps you are right. However, if I asked him today (I'm gutsy enought to do it and/or stupid) he wouldn't know what to say. He probably would have the same deer-in-the headlights look.
He's gained weight, quit working out regularly, takes Ambien on occassion, probably drinks to much, and who know what else. He probably has a bit more suffering to do.
Yes CW he still has more suffering to do. And the weirdest part of his journey is that it is self inflicted -- his pain, his suffering all stems from himself. Maybe he will realize that ---- cause life had to be better for him before all this mess. Now it sounds like he has depression. Geez.
Depresssion - that's what I have been telling my W, but she won't believe it. I truly believe she is in denial and thinks everytime I mention depression, I am trying to say there is "something wrong" with her. Can't win, they are stuck in their own fantasy world and we can't seem to get them out of it.
Well I was there for a while in depression land. And its not pretty. CW, I know you get that. You can't push it Notaclue --- just let her figure it out.
Re: The Real World cont....after the divorce. 
