[background]I am a 40 year old Male. Married ~16.5 years. 2 kids (boys 15 and 13). Always dedicated to playing with my kids. I have no family close by and not many friends since I always played with my kids. i have a few co-workers, but no one talks. 75% of my co-workers are on meds themselves. [/background]
I moved out about 3-4 months ago. I have been deeply depressed even 3-4 months before I moved out. I hate my work, I hate being alone when I am, I hate how my kids are growing independent, etc.....
I cannot seem to find a positive anywhere. I have tried about 7 different mental drugs. They have all had horrible side effects as severe as semi suicidial for a couple of them.
I have tried a UV light, Yoga, omega-3, etc....
I used to be a fun / funny person. I feel like my work is a big problem since I am stuck here 8 hours a day and rarely talk to anyone. I have been looking for soemthing different but i have child support, etc....
I am going insane!!!!
Any advice is appreciated.
Help me, I hear what you are saying and while I have not separated from my wife I completely understand. I am personally battling a deep depression daily mostly because my marriage is in a very bad place. My wife and I moved to across the country a few years ago and she hasnt been happy and wants to move back. My career is here and moving back will be catastrophic for me career wise and financially. She doesnt care. She is also completely unaffectionate to me (always was) but in the past 6 years whatever affection she used to show is completely gone.
My kids are still very young and keep me going strong. But I realize that in order to be happy I will probably need to leave my wife. Its very depressing because I love my family life and obviously dont want to do anything to destroy it. But I see a future where my kids grow up and I left with nothing but an uhappy relationship and this deepens my sadness and depressed thoughts. Ive had passing (although not serious) thoughts of suicide. I never would do such a thing but the idea that the though even pops in my head tells me I need to do SOMETHING.
I started recently taking medication for ADD (finally) and it seems to push out alot of the depression. although the depression comes back as soon as the meds wear off (toward the end of the day right when I am going home) and actually deepen because it comes on very suddenly.
I guess what I would tell you is to be VERY careful with Tri Cycle type anti-depressants. And dont take any meds for this without consulting at least 2 specialists. This is very serious stuff. I dont feel my depression is affecting my work (mainly because ive been on stimulants for the past month) but it could have gotten there.
I love my work and love my kids. So my depression has to be about something else - my relationship with my wife.
The best thing to do I think is CHANGE THINGS THAT ARE MAKING YOU UNHAPPY. If you are not chemically depressed (I do not believe that I am) then you have the ability to change things in your life and make them better. That should improve your outlook on life. Individuals that battle chemical depression cant do anything about it and require medication. It sounds to me like you are in a similar (perhaps worse and more advanced) situation as me.
I can tell you this - I am a buddingly successful entrepreneur. I am 43 years old. I have everything in the world still ahead of me and kids that are still going to love me (I think) no matter what happens. I am NOT going to let depression beat me. No way, no how. So I am going to grab life by the horns and do what I need to do to get rid of it.
But depression is an illness and will affect you mentally, professionally and physically. You NEED to change this.