You need to stop talking to your STBXW and blaming yourself for this. I know you have to communicate because of kids but it needs to be short and cold and through email/text, not on the phone. You need to avoid seeing or hearing from her like the plague.
She is not your problem, she is an adult and can do whatever she wishes no matter how stupid or bad it is. You can’t control it so stop worrying about it. You are way too emotionally tied to her.
You are better than her. Your ego is still bruised because you think you were not good enough. You could have been the perfect husband and it wouldn’t have mattered. She failed as a wife, the blame for all this mess rest on her shoulders.
The breakup with the gf was predictable, she was a rebound and you are still not over your ex. Technically an A is also a rebound and odds are it won’t last a year. With any luck by then you’ll see your STBXW for who she really is, not for what you think she is. You seem to be in denial about what she has done. You need to accept that she is just a bad person.
I think you are angry at the situation when you should be angry with her. You need to see her as the enemy because in her eyes that’s what you are.
I say this because I did the same thing and didn’t really move forward until I put the blame on her instead of blaming myself for being a bad husband. I was afraid to get angry at her but it ended up being my saving grace. Telling her “I want to get the embarrassment of a marriage over with” ended being the first step towards R with me.
I must have miscommunicated.
I only call my wife cell phone to speak to my son when he is with her. I only text her otherwise to have a record of the conversation. But that is few and far between as the divorce is almost done.
At this stage I am not at all blaming myself. I know it is all her fault. In the beginning I did, like many do. But I figured out months back it wasn't my fault. I made mistakes, but I know clearly nothing that would warrant an affair.
About a month and a half ago or a month ago, the last strip of having her on the pedestal was removed. I see her like I do any other woman.
As for the GF, I haven't posted up on my thread but we are dating and have been dating for a bit. Like anything we sort of see what our issues are and are learning to work with them. Being in your 40s and set in certain ways, on top of having our own issues and fears we are both a bit controlling. As an example she states no man will ever control her finances again, as her deceased husband put her in financial ruin. As for myself I refuse to have my spouse control my finances that I work for because she put me in some slight ruin and also used it as her personal piggy bank to go around and have an affair. If I paid more attention to my bills I would have discovered this when it started out as an EA.
But in all honesty regardless I can say it would have done nothing but delay the inevitable. If it wasn't this one it would be the next one.
Once the divorce is final then I will go after the child support. I hope she never contacts my oldest and I hope my oldest doesn't speak to her either. This way if I was forced to take her to court, my sons testimony will be somewhat devastating against my Ex. She will be very hard pressed to explain to a judge why she failed to try to contact her son when I will have text messages showing that I was requesting her to try to fix this relationship between them.
Again my thoughts regarding that are I might as well get everything I can out of this. Its a business transaction at this point. I might as well come out ahead if I can.
I am not responsible for my Ex wife and son relationship. That is her issue. My responsibility is to make sure me and my son are good and we are.
Another great thing is his 3rd quarter grades dropped during our fake R and divorce. Once she left in the 4th quarter and he was home alone with me his grades improved dramatically. Which is another point in my column for possible custody battles.
I will make it clear here I have zero intentions of getting back with my EX. I have no reason to. I have everything. I have the kids, I have the house, I have my pension, I have my other retirement funds, I have a GF 3 years younger then me and 6 years younger then the EX, the GF makes twice as much as the EX and hardly works ( mind you my ex works 12 hours a week ), I will say that both of them are equally attractive not to sound biased towards the GF but the GF has youth on her side. Nutshell things are a bit higher up on the GF then the Ex..
The GF does come with 2 twin girls. But I'm not that shallow of a man that I would consider that as a negative. To me its having 2 girls I never had.
Why do I post that ? Just to enforce that my EX is not a pedestal anymore. I do see things as they are.
If anything my biggest concern is for my son. As much as part of me relishes in this situation because of looking at the bigger picture. It is my son and it does bother me for his sake.