I do have a question: My H and I are still married: no divorce papers as of yet. Because of this and the fact that I still stand by my wedding vows: I still wear my wedding rings. I took them off for a short time, but I didn't feel right. Is this wrong of me? Am I in some way still holding on to an unrealistic hope that H will come to his senses and we can work on our issues?
All I can say is for me it was an easy decision. I took my wedding ring off after I confirmed without a doubt that my wife was cheating on me. I left it in my medicine cabinet.
I still wear a "protecting my family" bracelet I got at church 4 months ago when she filed. I thought someone was trying to tell me something when our pastor decided October was "family month" and we started to concentrate on making families stronger. However, my wife didn't think so and kept up her affair. Now the bracelet means something different. My family is my kids. It no longer includes my wife as she has chosen a different path.
No matter what she does until the divorce is final in April, I will honor my vows. I will not see anyone else. I will not cheat. I will help her and support her if she needs me to - within reason. I will not be used or manipulated.
My ring was a symbol of my commitment to her and our family. She has decided to tear the family apart with her actions. Therefore, I will not "pretend" all is well and continue to wear my ring. MY actions will speak volumes to my children. They are the reason I do what I do.
No matter what she does until the divorce is final in April, I will honor my vows. I will not see anyone else. I will not cheat. I will help her and support her if she needs me to - within reason. I will not be used or manipulated.
My ring was a symbol of my commitment to her and our family. She has decided to tear the family apart with her actions. Therefore, I will not "pretend" all is well and continue to wear my ring. MY actions will speak volumes to my children. They are the reason I do what I do.
Help, you are truly a man of Integrity and your children will see it and know it !!
Thanks Notaclue - that means a lot. Especially since I don't have our children this week.
Zoe - I am not going to pretend it's easy. I know you're hurting and truth be told I get teary eyed everytime I think about my kids. The turning point for me was when I stopped getting worked up about my spouse. She is a stranger to me. After 15 years I have 4 kids and a lot of good memories.....no matter what she says. I know there were good times and I'm not going to let her comments or state of mind affect what I KNOW to be the truth.
I am trying to figure out why I have fallen into a slump. I didn't do this badly during the holidays and that was a painful time for me. I am going to call my primary tomorrow for an appointment: I really do think depression is taking hold of me. I don't want to be medicated, but I need someone to help give me direction. I don't know how to reach out to people for help or just friendship. I've never really had friends and I made the mistake of having my husband as my entire life. I shut out people and now its coming back to haunt me. If I wasn't friendly/social with people before, I don't feel its right of me to reach out to them now just because I'm in a bad place. My good friend at work is trying to re-build a relationship with her boyfriend so I don't feel right about asking her to go out with me. I'm in this vicious cycle and I don't know how to end it.
This separation has been so painful, but its making me realize a lot of what I did wrong in my life. It's so hard because my whole life has been turned upside down and I don't have anything to fall back on and find comfort.
Zoe - hey I'm on the West Coast but feel free to PM me and I will give you my number to talk. Strangers have been prayering for me and reaching out. You can expect the same from others on this board. It is only natural to want to help others who are going thru this pain.
You didn't make a "mistake". You dedicated yourself to another. There's nothing wrong with that. You will go thru ups and downs during this process.
I know how I felt when I was in your stage.....I just PM'd you my number because you might not feel like sending me a PM. You don't know me and that's fine. Sometimes it's good just to talk about it.
I went back to my therapist today. It felt good to really be able to let out a lot of what I've been holding in. We both agreed that I was hanging onto a shred of hope for the 1st two months and now that I am facing reality, I can start to grieve. Went to gym tonight and saw H. I was strong and stayed positive. He brought up the paperwork for the divorce. Its not what I want, but dragging it out is not going to change anything. I am really considering changing my gym time so we don't have to see each other so much. I have planned a few dinners out with some co-workers to give me a change of routine. We'll see how it goes.
Sounds like a plan. During the 1st 1.5 months after my W filed I also held out hope until I found out about the OM. Then in the midst of my confusion, a coworker suggested a gym membership. I knew NOT to get one for the gym she attends. No chance of seeing her when I am trying to get her and what she has done to our family out of my mind. Do it!!
The gym was one of the things we had started right as everything was crumbling. I held on to it thinking the routine and constant would motivate me. I went this morning and changed my times. He's moving on & I need to do the same.
Its raining here again and that always brings me down.
I have not been great about distancing myself from my husband, but I've been trying. He dropped off paperwork for the divorce yesterday and we stood around talking for a few minutes. Part of me was really happy to see him and part of me just wanted him to leave. I wasn't rude to him, but I wasn't my usual "have a drink, sit down and chat" self. As he got ready to leave, he made a comment about hoping things will get better between us. I snapped and told him that yes, one day I hope we can be friends but right now, I hurt everytime I see him. I need to have some space to start moving on with my life. He mentioned his "friend" who works with us. He is still denying a relationship with her. I said if I was going to date within the company pool, I would give him a heads up and I would expect the same courtesy. Not that it's anyone's business, but we work together and rumors fly. He still says they are just friends and hang out together. Just be honest!
Anyway, after he left, I got so angry at his remark about us being friends. I shouldn't have, but I sent him a text that basically said I can't be his best friend right now because he walked away. He was planning his departure while we were together so he's had time to prepare. I had no warning this was going to happen and I need time to grieve. I'm sorry if this upsets him, but I need some time.
I believe there is really know wrong or rights with the one being left behind. You do what is best for you.
My ex-H was very upset during the separation when I told him that I "won't be your friend." In fact, I think this fact upset him more than the divorce.
He still struggles with wanting a friendship with me. We are divorced since Jan. and I've been asked to do several things with him. "How about having dinner over my house with B and I?" "How about riding together or sitting together?" You name it...he wants to connect.
I am not ready for a friendship connection. Sorry, ex...it's not happening soon.
Corpus: I keep finding myself being very concerned about H's feelings or if he's mad at me. I am trying to get past this, but I guess deep down I'm still looking for his love.
He responded this morning to my text. I explained that his new attitude towards life is really making me not even want to be friends with him. Because we spent so many years not communicating, he now tells everyone what's on his mind even if its hurtful. He has this arrogant, holier than thou attitude that has been noticed by co-workers and friends. I can't tell if this is his true self coming out or his way of telling everyone "I'm fine. This situation doesn't bother me."
I hate this whole thing... I am so confused most of the time...
Re: How Do I find the strength?
