01-11-2010, 07:40 PM
Join Date: Dec 2009
| | I'm pushing her away more, more than ever
I've come to a conclusion that still is difficult to accept. She wants me out of her life, period.
This last weekend I was at my house to put away Xmas stuff for the last time. Friday i had my first therapy session and then went to discuss divorce details with her.
The therapy, well I like my counselor. But thought the session would be more than what it was. When I think about it though, i understand that you can't start fixing stuff unless you find out about past history such as your medical and stuff like that. She does seem to know what she is doing and just guess I have to let it take it's course.
Well the afternoon was tough, but i got through it so I thought. I need to learn how to detach myself, something that i am having a very difficult time. I just can't look at all the stuff that we went through and thought we were OK with each other.
She has a problem with understanding our state law that even though her credit card or what she does with her mother, legally she is responsible for my debt as i am for hers. We did agree on many things, but i think this concept is beyond her. Plain and simple, I don't think she realizes that though we may agree to something, the law may see it differently.
We both want to keep lawyers out of it since that's what brings up the cost, something that I will have to bear since she has not job. We both want to try to do the self help way using a service such as legalzoom.com. They only charge 300 for a divorce, but for both of us protection, i first want a legal separation so we are not responsible for each others debt. I having trouble on this part, but need to just call some people more.
Friday night though, during our discussion i asked her about the wedding album. she said she was going to keep it for our daughter. That really disturbed me a lot. I really did a dumb thing as i now see it and told her in the email to not call our marriage a mistake because if she did, she would also be calling our children a mistake.
Our children were both conceived by help of modern medicine. To say the least, it was a trying time for both of us. I thought we made it and did great.
I really do regret that email now and i did apologized to her as when she responded, she was quite insulted.
On Saturday, i asked her why she wanted to fly through the divorce so fast. I did ask her if there was an other man. She told me no, but i can only be suspect of her. Every time i turned around, she was texting somebody on her Itouch, something i wish her mother never got her for her b day and Xmas.
We told our children Sunday night about our pending divorce. My son 5, well I don't think he realizes it yet and still ask when daddy is coming home. My daughter who is 7, really flipped out. I stayed with her as long as i could before heading back to where I stay when working, but it killed me to stay there any longer. So I left. She emailed me later on that she went back to talk to her again, but she acted up again. She said daughter did finally calm down and that she is fine. First thing that came to my mind is BULL Sh--
She said because she came from a broken home she knows she will be fine. I thought to myself, yah right, look at you know how you are destroying our life.
When I left the w that night, i told her, that i won't contact her regarding us anymore or will try to do that. I do have to talk to her because all my checks go to my house from my business and i do still want her to be able to take money as needed for her, but need her to do deposits for my business as home and business is over 80 miles away, hence why i am only there Fri-Sun. For the moment, I need to leave the status quo.
Maybe, maybe she will realize how wrong it was for her to have kept her feeling bottled up for such a long time, but when she says I'm sorry, it just opens my wound even wider than it is.