Will I ever get a break?!
First, I want to apologize for not coming here and offering any advice. I feel so silly trying to offer advice when I myself am going thru the same thing and don't know what the crap I am doing either.
Anyway, as I have been reading, "Codependent No More" and following blogs I have found that "no contact" would be the best way to TRY to overcome this horrendous pain. It seems like my H is responding to this and acting insecure in a way.
He told me the other day, after calling me seven times and me not answering that he hasn't moved out because he is saving money but that it also has to do with him not sure if moving is the right choice. Then he tells me deep down he feels like nothing will change until he moves out. He says he wants to be with me but can't stand to be around me at times and needs some space to work our problems out. I don't know if it's resentment building or what but really after not calling him and begging I am frankly sick and tired of being sick and tired. I deserve someone to love me! I know I have my problems and they are problems that if I don't fix will always cause issues but I am just tired of being the one chasing him.
He asked me this morning if I had another man since I have been acting "weird". When he calls I won't answer the first few times and when I call I only make it about our daughter. He will get into some small chat and I listen but I never bring anything up. I am just tired of this! Why can't I find a man who loves me like I deserve?!!! I still sit by the phone and check it, it seems like every few minutes and the thought of us and him consumes by head every minute......why couldn't he be like that with me?
I don't know if he's wanting me to chase him or if he really is done I just keep getting mixed signals. I have told him over and over just to stay at a friends but he won't go.
Sorry to vent I am just so frustrated right now. I just want to move on with life and get this over with.