Sweetums

I really need advice, I physically and emotionally cannot handle this!
Me and my husaband have been together for almost 9 years. We have been married for 5. We have a little boy who is 4 and a little girl who just turned 1.
Almost 4 years ago my husband got in a bad wreck and broke the window in the truck out with his head, (which he did not get seen about.) Everything was perfect until then. I knew to him I was everything and to me he was everything. We were the perfect couple. Shortly after his wreck we started having problems. He had anxiety issues, he would get mad at no reason, and I felt like I was nothing to him. Everything changed. So, for almost 2 years I cried and begged him to make me happy. He didn't do anything. I would go to his best friend and cry about everything and ask his advice, (this went on for a while) Then one day, one thing led to another and we started having an affair.

I fessed up and told my husband everything, knowing that was the one thing he would leave me for. We separated for about 6 weeks, in that time he slept with someone else. I started going home on the weekends and we would spend the weekend together with our son. Then I started staying back all the time. So that was two years ago. We have not talked about what happened, what I did or anything.
About three weeks ago I went on MySpace (his account) and seen where he was talking to someone we both work with. He was telling her that it was over between me and him and stuff he hasn't told me. I asked him about it. He said he needed a friend and he asked her, b/c she has been through the same thing. He told me he doesn't love me anymore, that he cannot get over what I did, he said he doesn't look at me the same. He said he cared about me but he didn't love me anymore. He said he had been trying for 2 years and he wasn't willing to try anymore. I told him that he made an attempt by being there but he needed to work on himself, and then me and him needed to work on us. I told him that we both had just been there, but we haven't tried anything. He says he doesn't want to love me anymore, I know he loves me. He is still living at the house with me and the kids, b/c neither one of us can make it on our own. We are still sleeping in the same bed, still having sex, everything. He doesn't want to work at it, he doesn't want to go to counseling. What do I do?
Everything was find until he had that wreck. I told him to go to the Dr and get seen, which he is unwilling to do. I feel we owe it to our kids to try. I know he loves me, why is being like this. He seemed happy for 2 years, which he said he was acting happy.
He also said that what I did hurt him more than anything. I did not intentionally do this, it is something that just happened. I regret ever doing it, but I can't change what I did. He said there is nothing I can say nor do to change his mind.
Oh, and in that 2 year period that we separated until now we had a little girl. He has serious trust issues, b/c of what I did. What do I do? I love him.