Re: Lost, scared, and broken
josh, if you're supporting her right now, financially, even AFTER knowing about this other dude, then you know she is going to be somewhat sweeter, and continue to try to be nice to keep that going. She is using you to an extent. Not to say she has no feelings, but her going back and forth with you is probably because if it doesn't work out with this other man, she will always have you to fall back on and wouldn't that just be great? I'm sure she does care about you in a way, but, she's also been so used to leading this double life for a little while, getting attention from the both of you. That could be a hard thing to give up. I am speaking from experience, although I was you, this happened to me a while ago during a serious relationship, not a marriage, but we went to counseling and everything for it. Needless to say, it didn't work out. For my bf at the time, he had stopped seeing this woman, but then soon started trying to meet women online, and was hitting on other women around us. We live in a small place, its easy to find these things out. I was supporting him too, as he just had got laid off, and I had two jobs and two kids.
I went to one of the counseling sessions alone, and my counselor flat out asked, "Why do you stay?" He said people like him crave that attention from the opposite sex, even when things are going well in their own relationship. Now, idk that this is happening to you, but I wanted to share because I know how you feel. He was my best friend and I could tell him everything. Just like my husband now. My best friend, confidant, partner. But unless you're into having an "open" marriage, then its going to be a rough road for you.
For now, it would be a good idea to separate and really have her leave. I know thats easy for me to say because you have children.
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