My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 10:22 AM Thread Starter
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My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

Sorry for the long post. I just am trying to include as much detail as I can regarding my situation so it can be better understood.

I am new to this forum. I am trying to find help outside of the normal family, friends, etc.

some background. My wife and I have been together for right around 5-6 years. We have been married for just over 2 years (november). We have a son together that is going to be 2 in april. I am 30 and she will be turning 24 in March. We met when she was 17 but didn't start dating until she was 18

Everything has been really good until right around the first week of January. I noticed my wife had been a bit more distant. at first I was worried. but then she would go back to normal and then back to being distant. When it first happened I even asked her if everything was ok and she would tell me she is just tired and wore out from work. I asked if she was getting tired or annoyed of me because I don't want to lose her and she told me that I was stuck with her forever.

I started thinking it was just me. Maybe I was having mental emotional (bi polar style) problems and I was just overreading stuff and everything was fine and normal.

We haven't been physical sexually in about 2 weeks from me posting this and I tried to get physical with her monday night and she said she wasn't in the mood so I asked her what was going on and she said she didn't know, Then I asked her again if she was getting tired of me or annoyed with me and she said she didn't know. Right there I knew what was about to happen.

She told me for the past 3 years she fell out of love with me. I then said we have only been married for 2 years then later in the talk (we never argued just talked) she said it's been the past 2 years. I asked why she married me then since we have only been married 2 years and she said because she loved me.

She called me a bad husband and a ********* husband. I had it coming.

I have an anger problem I have been working on. Not the type of anger problem where I would get physical and honestly we haven't had any fights in some time. But I would just get mad if the living room was dirty. not at her but just get mad, trip over a shoe in the living room and yell "GOD DAMNIT ****ING SHOE" then kick the shoe. honestly overreacting. But I have been working on that. Also I did other small stupid stuff. She would call be EVERY time she was on her way home if she would go anywhere and I got to the point where I would sound annoyed and tell her she didn't have to call me to let me know she is on her way home. She tried to hold my hand while walking in the mall once and I said no because it was weird to hold hands since we are not teenagers anymore. Crap like that that I honestly regret because now all I want to do is hold her hand and have her call me. I took my wife for granted and all those small things have added up.

I have been making an effore to change the past month. Not change who I am but to change my attitude even before I thought I was giong to lose her. She told me she has noticed that and was hoping it would make her fall back in love with me and it hasn't.

She hasn't said she wants a divorce. She told me she needs to do what is best for her. I did all the normal bad things, begged her to not leave me, told her I was changing and i want to change for myself not just for her. that everything that has happened is something that can be corrected and worked on. Offered marriage counseling. She just said her mind is made up and she wants some time apart to find out what she wants. She moved to her grandma's... That night she still stayed at the apartment as did I. Our son was asleep and we didn't want to wake him. I asked her if I should sleep on the couch and she even still let me sleep in bed with her.

the next day I still had to tell her I loved her before leaving for work she just wouldn't say it back. before I left she was holding our son and told me to come here for a group hug.

later that day she texted me a couple times telling me how our son was doing and that he used the big boy pottie for the first time

So far she has just taken her main clothes she wears, makeup, toiletry's etc. She told me she will continue to pay half the rent in our apartment until the lease is up. I had no cash on me. I make more then she does but I still am far from rich. overdrafted on my account by $5. my mom gave me a check for gas so I asked her if I could sign it over to her if she could give me $30 for gas since she just got paid. She gave me $50 and told me I didn't have to pay her back.

I left work early and came out and found a note on the couch with her wedding ring on it. She apologized for hurting me but said she is doing what she has to for herself. She wrote that :I am leaving my ring with you, When I am ready, I will ask for it back"

She said she would call every night (persumably so I could tell our Son goodnight) and that she will be dropping him off friday night and picking him up sunday.

last night (first night apart from my family as we did see eachother that morning) I never got a call. I sat by my phone from 6pm to 10pm checking it every 5 minutes to make sure I had signal.

I don't know what to do, I keep analyzing stuff like the note and saying to myself "She wrote WHEN i'm ready not IF" but then I keep telling myself not to give myself false hope or it will make it worse.

I am so scared. I feel like I can't breath, like I can't control my emotions of pain and lonliness. I am at my moms right now, she lives about 50 miles away but I have to go back to my apartment tonight as I must return to work tomarrow. I couldn't get Thur. Friday off. I am so scared of being at home alone.

I have no want to hurt myself or others I am just so sad, so alone, Like I am in this bubble and I am running out of air. I keep having these panick attatcks. I am sleeping like 40 minute incirments and waking up in a sweat. I keep having these dreams of her coming back and telling me she loves me.

I keep praying to god that she comes through the door and tells me she missed me and realized it wasn't what she wanted.

At the same time I get the feeling she is actually happy and I want her to be happy but it hurts me so much... Hearing her tell me she no longer loved me. It was the most painful thing I've heard in my life.

I love her so much, with all my heart. I am starting counseling to work on my own issues. I admit my mistakes and neglect. All the times I told her no when she wanted to be intimate because I wasn't in the mood. in reality I wasn't in the mood because of her I wasn't in the mood because I am disgusted by how I look naked. Even though she always said she wasn't.

I admit I screwed up and was stupid. I told her all of this and told her I wanted to change to be a better mad even before she said she no longer loved me and wanted to leave. So I wasn't just saying it to try to stop her decision.

I honestly do not want to be this guy who is to "macho" to hold hands and show public affection. get angry over the smallest thing etc. Which I have made huge bounds on the getting angry over small crap. I know that even though it is not directed at my wife she is still there seeing it and that still effects you.

I just, I know the problems we have are not beyond being worked out. With some hard work we can still make it work, But I don't know if it's to little to late for her.

I am so scared. I want my wife, my family back so bad. I miss them so much. Seeing my wife and child when I'd come home from work is the highlight of my entire day. Her smile alone is enough to make me feel happy. She is honestly my soul mate. My life revolves around her and my son. I know I've done neglectfull things but I've done so much good too. I just don't think she is thinking about anytihng but the neglectfull hurtful tihngs that I did that I want to change. How I didn't tell her she was beautiful every single day. how I said not to sex so many times out of disgust of myself not her, how I wouldn't hold her hand. how I'd get angry over small crap, I am a bad husband and I don't want to be anymore.

I miss her so much and I feel lost and I don't know what to do.

Last edited by RickCowman; 02-03-2010 at 10:33 AM.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-03-2010, 10:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

also I forgot to add. She says she has felt this way for a while (the time frame changed on how long).

the thing is. Everything has been great with us until about the first week of January of 2010. that is when I noticed the distance. I think back to stuff just even from December where we talked about another kid etc. a friend was about to seperate from his wife and we even talked about how she understood I don't go out much and she has no problem with that (I don't stop her from going out if she wants and we do go out for dinner and stuff like that). and she even said then that she loves me and understands that and I've always been that way so it doesn't bother her.

Stuff that I don't think she would say if she truly felt she no longer loved me for the past 3 years or 2 years or whichever it was as it changed in our convo when she left me. I honestly think it has just happened the past 3-4 weeks so not sure why she said it's been longer.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-04-2010, 10:48 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

She most likely has found another man. Check the phone/text records for a strange number. Will probably be lots of calls to one number.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-05-2010, 12:31 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

I would be curious to know if there is someone else there. Although if you read through alot of these threads, spouses seem to just leave when they feel they are not happy enough in life. It is horrible and it is beyond painful. I suggest you get the book "Getting back together. How to Reconcile with your partner and make it last" It will help you alot with the stuff you are going through right now. I however, am reading it a year too late. Keep posting on here as well. It really helps, especially when there isn't anyone to talk to or that really understands what your going through.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 02:12 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared


I hope everything is working out for you and your wife, please if she returns to you, try your best to respect her feelings. If she feels the love and respect from you, she will give everything she have to take care of you and the family.

God Bless!
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 02:52 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

Hi there! I'm so sorry for everything that is happening right now...hopefully things will get better soon. Did your wife ever have a sit down with you and maybe bring up some of these concerns with you at any point prior to these three weeks or know these things were bothering her? if so Have you attempted to change before? I'm just trying to understand if this was a last stroll for her or if she just acted hastily..
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 04:11 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

Originally Posted by RickCowman View Post
also I forgot to add. She says she has felt this way for a while (the time frame changed on how long).
This Bullsht is the standard "rewriting of marital history".

the thing is. Everything has been great with us until about the first week of January of 2010. that is when I noticed the distance.
Because that is when she started her affair with another man, most likely from her work.

And she is with him right now.

You won't listen to any advice given to you though to get to the bottom of it all, and to snap her out of her fog, betrayed spouses rarely do, it seems.

"I can cook my own steaks and don't feel much like duty-sex these days" Lascarx
"I've never met a woman who's aversion to her husband hampered her ability to accept the proceeds of his labor." unbelievable
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 11:13 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

My wife acted very similiar. I believe there is someone else. There was in my case when my wife acted the same way in a lot of ways. She's with him now (as she told a mutual friend of ours in an email) "living her fairytale dream come true." I am still trying to cope and move on but it's tough. I can't give you advice on getting her back but the real question should be do you want her back? (Assuming there's another man which it sounds liek there is).

Best of luck and I would suggest the 180 at this point.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 11:53 AM
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Re: My wife left me 2 days ago. I'm scared

All - This thread is from 2010.

I pray He would have gotten his wife back.

I loved his post and thinks he loved his wife too much.

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