Do I step back in now under certain circumstances?

chrs0111 · 02-09-2010, 03:30 PM

Hello everyone. I am writing because I need some honest opinions. I will try to keep this as short as possible and I thank you ahead of time for reading and contributing. I have been separated now for just over a year. My divorce is in progress and may be final as soon as the end of this month. My wife really doesn't talk to me and is essentially the one that gave up.

My dilemma is this...after talking with a few of her friends I have found out that she has completely isolated herself from everybody. She never leaves her apartment and now she isn't even talking on the phone with her friends. I have known all along that she smokes marijuana but I am told she is now doing it ALL the time. I am also told that her friends have reason to believe that she is also hooked on even heavier drugs, possibly prescription. This does not surprise me as she has never really known how to deal with stress and/or anxiety. I am very worried about her and am not really sure what to do.

Part of me says it's no longer my problem and it's not even really my business. In all reality she has shut me out of her life (along with her entire network of friends and family). The other part of me says that I should make her parents aware of this or try in some fashion to get her help. The signs all point to a drug problem (severe weight loss, withdrawal, lack of ambition, irritated etc.) but obviously I have not actually seen it happen so there is a certain level of speculation. I don't want to raise unecessary concern but I also don't want something bad to happen and feel like I did nothing.

Any input would be greatly appreciated and feel free to ask any questions you may have.

Notaclue · 02-09-2010, 05:26 PM

That's a tough call Chrs. I don't pretend to even know the right answer, but if it was me I would contact her parents and let them know the situation. Maybe they can get her professional help. Since you have been out of her life for a year and she is the one that gave up, I'd be surprised if she listened to you at all. Just my non-professional two cents.

chrs0111 · 02-09-2010, 05:41 PM

That's the direction I've been thinking as well. My only concern about that is going to her parents and what if I am wrong and now I'm the one that started the problem. I don't have a problem going to her parents even though it's been months since I've talked to them, I've just got to approach this carefully. What a mess!

Notaclue · 02-09-2010, 05:46 PM

Well , I'd just tell them what you have been hearing from her friends. Don't know if it is true, but that you are very concerned for her and hope her parents will follow-up to make sure she is really OK. That's about all you can do. They can decide how to handle it.

harley2003 · 02-10-2010, 07:04 AM

Chrs,

Since you are talking with some of her friends, why don't you suggest to one of them to talk to her parents. You indirectly help someone you care about without it being you in the line of fire if something goes wrong.

chrs0111 · 02-24-2010, 10:21 AM

At this point I have not contacted her parents yet but I have contacted her friends and they are actually deciding what course of action they are going to take next as well. They are just as worried as I.

I do not have to worry about her getting mad at me as we really don't talk now anyway. Surprisingly after calling yesterday she did get back in touch with me last night. She made it sound like everything was great although she did dodge some questions that I think would tell a lot about what she's up to. The conversation was short and left me even more confused. Some of what she said was hard for me to believe and I think she may be saying it to cover up what she’s really up to...but what if she’s not? What if she is really doing these things and actually has received these job offers? The puzzle pieces just don't fit. Why will she not see any of her friends? Why does she always have an excuse to not get together? Why do I keep catching her in all these lies but yet she says everything is great?

This whole situation has made me sick to my stomach. Not only am I dealing with a divorce I never wanted but now I have to worry about this? I don't know how to feel about this? I don't know how to sit back and not know hardly anything and just be OK. I want to help her and see her through this but I can't. I want this off my mind but I can't get it to go away. Any other advice would be great.

Carefulthoughts · 02-24-2010, 05:48 PM

Well I understand your dilemma ; i'd try to interject myself into her usage. Like go over there and see if she looks as bad as it sounds. She is still your wife and if it is bad I'd call the hospital to come pick her up. I know she has probably hurt you dearly I know my stbxw has. But , I remember saying those vows and meaning them with everything I was. At one point she made you happy and atleast you should try to help that person not who she has become. Then again I am all heart. You have to be true to yourself and I am not saying this won't blow up in your face. Though it would be the right thing to do in my eyes.