State Of Confusion

DEEDUMS · 04-17-2008, 07:41 AM

Right now, I am at a state of confusion. I left my husband 2 1/2 years ago and got my own place. We have two kids and I am currently 8 months pregnant with our third. Even though we are separated, we still have sex here and there. I still love him very much and I want us to work our marriage out but I am also very scared. When we were together, my husband was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive. I was the provider so I was the only one that paid the bills and handled all the finances. He was not faithful, honest, dependable, or supportive. When things do not go his way, he throws tantrums and takes it out on the children (he will not watch them or do something he promised them he would do). He thought that it hurt me but I made him realize that it hurt the kids and not me. It did affect them a lot and it left me to clean up those broken pieces. It is hard trying to explain to a 5 and 2 yrs why their dad breaks his promises when he gets mad. He allowed his family to be in our business, they are very negative people, and they are about control. I was not happy at all. Moreover, nobody was going to control something that I bust my back to have. As of now, we have been married for five years and since I left, he has gotten better in some areas. He lives with his parents and to me he still is not as stable and self-sufficient as he needs to be. He is 31yrs and I am 24yrs. I know he loves me still, but I am not sure how much. He is not abusive in any kind of way anymore. We talk a lot more. He is getting better with trying to understand why I was unhappy. My concern is how long it will last. I am scared that if I mend my marriage, my needs will not be met and I will be unhappy once again. I am happy now with being on my own, but I miss having my family together as a whole. I truly miss my husband. Should I continue with the way things are, or should I fix my marriage? Is it just my pregnant hormones that are making me feel this way? Please someone tell me something!

draconis · 04-17-2008, 08:19 AM

Get a divorce and move on. It is easy to hide a demon when you don't always interact together. Do you want to risk the children with this. He was physically abusive and you want him around your kids?

Get away from this guy and find one that will treat you and your kids well. Let him slowly prove he is able to be a good dad to his kids himself.

draconis

DEEDUMS · 04-17-2008, 11:34 AM

Your very right about it being easy to hide the demons when you are not around someone as much. I think that is what I am scared of. He is not Abusive in any kind of way anymore because I put a stop to that. I made sure that he would never put his hands on me again. Its been three years. It never got to the point where it was bruises or anything but I had to stop it before it got to that point. Abuse is not good in any way whether its a lot or a little. I do know that. He is getting better with the kids, even when we have disagreements now he still does for them. I know I sound crazy and confused, but I feel like I want him but I dont want the drama. Our baby is due in June, maybe after the birth I wont feel that I need him or am I lying to myself?

draconis · 04-17-2008, 05:47 PM

I always think it is a bad idea to put someone who is physically dangerous even if it is just a possibility around any child. I think you are right to wait until after your child is born, maybe none of this will even be an issue then.

draconis

Immortalone · 04-18-2008, 07:13 AM

Sounds like your in love with the idea of being in love even if it is with this man. I would file the divorce and move on. Wouldn't it be better to be alone for a year or two until you find a person that treats you right and that you both love each other then to spend a life time wondering when he will explode again.

Green-Moo · 04-18-2008, 11:57 AM

If he's mean to his own kids then why on earth would you want them to be with him full time?