Still can't cope...... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2010, 12:10 PM Thread Starter
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Still can't cope......

So it's been 3 months and counting that me and my husband have been seperated. I am having such a hard time with all this. At the same time me and husband seperated I lost my job, and i haven't been able to find another one, everyone keeps telling me that a job will help me move passed this, it will keep me occupied. But I'm scared of moving on with my life. My husband was a big part of my life for 7 years and I don't know how to move on without him. I am still so much in love with my husband and really want to reconcile with him but unfortunatly he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me, he still won't even look at me when he talks to me. My mom says he is probably feeling guilty for breaking up our marriage, but then if he does? why doesn't he want me back? I think he is still disgusted with me. I just want to stop hurting and I want my life back with my husband.

I know I sound pathetic but I just can't seem to deal with the pain i feel all day long. I know that my husband won't take me back, especially since i'm still the same pathetic girl he left but i can't seem to find the strength to move on. I mean one of our major issues was money, so me not having a job how could he want me back?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2010, 01:10 PM
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Re: Still can't cope......


First, stop placing all the blame on yourself. I know that its tough to do, but YOU did not leave. HE did. And yes, it hurts. A lot. But you'll pull through. It won't be easy, but as long as you keep the faith you'll pull through in the end.

Do things for YOURSELF, and not for him. Don't worry about whether doing this or doing that will bring him back, worry about what is going to make you happy, and make you better off in the long run.

Spend some time with friends and family, pick up a hobby, go to counseling, read self help books...anything that will help you feel better.

I wish I had better advice to give, I'm still struggling my way through it myself. All we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep on going.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-07-2010, 03:54 PM
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Re: Still can't cope......

I feel so sorry for you, my girl, and i know, firsthand, how this pain feel, it's so real, and so devestating.

It's been 2 weeks for me now, and i still tear up crying, almost everyday, i try to find answers, analyse things, in order, to find out, what i did wrong, to learn from that.

I know, Nothing will bring her back to me, she's decided to leave me, and move on with her life, with her new man.

You are NOT to blame, He, however, decided that he want's out.

The people, who leaves their partners, usually feel no sense of responsability, and they do not realise, the path of destruction, that they leave behind.

Therefore, you are now, to take charge of your own life, and this is not as easy as people think. You must realise, that you do not deserve this, and that you are worthy of something better! and you are!
Finding that motivation everyday, to carry on, and stay positive, and find hope in your heart, that "YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN!", you have to believe this.

I promise you, you will be happy again, and all the tears will be long forgotten, for you deserve better, and you will find better.

I agree with Cgreene21, do things for youself, try and spend time with friends, they will be very considerate.

I have learned a lot in the past 2 weeks, on how to survive through this, as i was so close to taking my own life, and then realised, through the help, from all the precious people on this forum, that my life was worth more, than the person, who broke my heart like this.

Me, and you, as well as so many others on this forum, are still trying to get through this trauma in our lifes, but remember this , "YOU WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN!" trust me, i believe the same, and that is what, gets me through everyday.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-09-2010, 09:52 AM
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Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
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Re: Still can't cope......

I can relate to how you feel and it's only been 5 days for me. I was the one that moved out because I just can't take all the affairs he had.

Sending you prayers and hugs as I too am still trying to cope with the whole situation.

SurrealPain, mind if I take your words to help go thru my hell too? Although I am the one who move out after trying so hard to fix the marriage for over 2 years. I wish all of us will be happy again.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-30-2010, 10:07 PM
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Re: Still can't cope......

Dear morningdew, you are so very welcome to take all the words of encouragement, and recite them everyday, telling yourself that you will be okay, and that you will be happy again. soem days i find myself, so sad again, and the tears just start all over again, but i have to tell myself that i will be better again, and that i will have happiness again in my life. I am sending you and lonelyndepressed, all my prayers and hugs too . . . remember we will get through this, and we will be happy again, in the long run . . . . we deserve to be happy again! be strong, and lets pray for each other, and encourage each other here, on the forum.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-31-2010, 05:27 AM
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: Still can't cope......

It is 1 month since my husband left for the other woman.
There are days when I feel strong and that I will get through this cos I have no choice but to get throught it.
There are days that are completely wasted with thinking, crying, analysing and hoping.
This situation is forced upon us against our will and we have no choice but to try to get through it using the love and support of family and friends.
If you can't get through a day, just get through an hour at a time.
YOU are not to blame. You can hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong. You did not cheat.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-31-2010, 09:01 AM
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Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 175
Re: Still can't cope......

Your words are exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you for sharing them. I've been a mess again since last night when I went back to the apt and got the rest of my stuffs.

"Perhabs our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in awhile, so that we can see life with a clearer view again." - Alex Tan
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