how do I at least make one last attempt - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-29-2013, 02:47 PM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Have the company's lawyer contact her attorney directly about the phone. No need for you to be the middleman.

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post #32 of 414 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 07:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Im yet again today just at a loss with her and her actions. She called the owner of the company I manage and was asking him for information for the divorce which her attorney should be handling not her really.

Then she almost immediately starts telling him that I am threatening her, breaking into her phone and reading her text messages. The county sherrifs, her lawyer, the judge, the whole silly world has told her this is basically impossible to do yet I am supposedly doing it. Now she has also added on that I am accessing her laptop computer and reading her emails. I didnt even know she had a laptop and I dont know her email. Its just simply madness.

The capper was when my boss said to me. From listening to her she truly believes this stuff. Thats the scary part, she believes it.

She also got into a heated argument at her part-time job with a customer who I know. According to him she started yelling at him, then he made some flipant comment about our divorce and she became unglued and probably cost her her job. I cant wait to hear how this is my fault too!

Im a week away from a settlement hearing and two weeks away from getting in from of a judge for a hearing. On the one hand I'd like to just avoid whats going on now keep up the no contact let the lawyers handle it as I have for months but this is getting to the point where I am feeling attacked and threatened myself. Im stressed out as to what she will pull next. She is such a loose cannon right now....again.

Venting and ranting done
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post #33 of 414 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 08:59 PM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Thing is, law does not allow involuntary hospitalization very easily. Obviously there have been abuses. People ended in psychiatric hospitals and couldn't get out, but generally they have serious illnesses. Your ex to be will probably just become more and more erratic until she is arrested.
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post #34 of 414 (permalink) Old 11-05-2013, 10:34 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

There is no way on the planet I could get her committed. Even if we were living together without the divorce fiasco going that that is a huge uphill fight

My fear at this point is the police knocking on my door with her wild claims that I threatened her life or attempted to break in wherever she is living something crazy like that. How do I protect myself from that, she has tried it once and even after having it tossed out of court she is still months later is still holding onto these crazy stories, its like she is just stuck in a loop, round and round it goes.

The world keep telling me to "move on" or whatever cliché saying comes to mind, wish someone would explain to her. If she truly fears me that great her best and easiest solution would be getting the divorce done. Am I wrong? She has no interest in the divorce, even her attorney admits that, she just plays victim and is hell bent to wreck my life. The lawyers can only get so far, she wont make decisions, its like she just wants to prolong this. She filed, I didn't. She can wreck her life that's up to her, she doesn't have to right to continue to destroy mine for no other reason that she is crazy.
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post #35 of 414 (permalink) Old 11-10-2013, 01:54 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

A friend of mine didn't think she was working, he stopped to pick up some items, she came out of the backroom and immediately became unglued yelling at him. She was screaming at him that I must leave her house so she could sell it. She couldn't sell the house as long as I was here.

He told her she was nuts, she left the house to go live with another. She went on a complete tirade after that in the store and it got pretty ugly from what I hear.

And why in the world does she now think its her house and she is selling it? Last time she was inside the house was back in May. For months she has just told the world I am buying her out of house. Now its her house and she cant sell because I am here?

The weird just get weirder to me.
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post #36 of 414 (permalink) Old 11-10-2013, 03:07 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt


Hard situation
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post #37 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-21-2014, 01:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

I haven’t posted on my story in quite a while as there hasn’t been anything going on other than the great limbo land. She left her part-time job and have heard some amazing gossip since she left the place of employment.

Today was the first time I got anything even close to partial offer from her lawyer which was just amazing in itself. Most was just not acceptable. She would buy the house for one number but sell it to me for a much higher number all sorts of nonsense, basically another waste of my time. I did learn one thing of interest today in that she is now in counseling and has been diagnosed with PTSD which I thought encouraging that she is finally starting to seek some help. What I found disheartening is her attorney is of course claiming that the counselor is agreeing with her that I drove her to this. Yet no one can tell me how.

I can only assume that she still isn’t telling herself the truth yet so why would she tell a counselor the truth is all I can figure. She has always enjoyed the “poor me” routine so I guess she is still playing that. I did volunteer to either meet with the counselor with both of us in the room or meet individually in order to aid in her therapy. I am sure they will decline but I offered.

Our final hearing is set for middle of February, if no agreement can be reached, the judge decides, at least that is what my atty. Keeps saying. Why do I get the feeling her lawyer is going to find yet another delay for her “mental condition
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post #38 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-21-2014, 02:07 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

honcho, your crazy X seems like she has histrionic personality disorder.....sounds almost borderline too.

I've read a lot of the books on high conflict personalities (because my X sounds like yours) from this guy. They're all available on amazon.

Anyways, you may want to peruse. I've picked up some good tips on how to deal (mostly what not to do) with bat****e crazy X.

HL
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post #39 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-21-2014, 07:32 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Honcho,

My crazy STBXW once called the police on me. We had a bad phone call in the morning and we exchanged texts all day until I reached the point where I decided enough. I texted her informing her that when we both got home from work we would discuss how we would split up. She didn't call back pleading no.

I got home first and was mad and upset that she seemed to not care about breaking up. In my mind, if she did she would have called. She didn't. I got sad and started drinking. Then I started drunk texting her unkind things I didn't mean but said out of anger. Nothing threatening or suggesting violence, just insults and hateful comments. You know what she did? She came home with the police.

I packed up and left. Long story short at various times we dragged each other back into the relationship. In retrospect, I should have ended it there because she just wasting my time and money going through the motions of a false reconciliation for months. Additionally, she made me Plan B while she detached emotionally. Once she was ready to bail out she did. She did it to me again and I allowed it to happen to myself.

I'm sharing this because I want others to learn from my mistakes. I did not behave maturely at times but neither did she. A spouse who falsely calls the police is abusing the system in order to get back control. That is not something you do to someone you supposedly love. Why did I allow that? I wouldn't have tolerated that when we were dating.

It's not love when I asked her "what do you want to get out of counseling?" and she answers "to see if the marriage is worth saving."

I know now my wife doesn't love me; must not have for a long time to do all the the awful things she did. I was blind, foolish, and in denial. I also know she has mental health issues which she denies. Every single person in her family has a diagnosis and prescription. One of her kids has issues. She even told me SHE was on the happy pills after second divorce. Now she will have her third divorce. Everybody is wrong except her.

People reading this, please learn from my mistakes: you can't fix crazy, and dont let crazy people fool you into believing that you are the problem. Crazy people will say and do everything to shift the blame off themselves, including pretending to be religious. They are the masters of disguise and manipulation. They will suck you in and make you a codependent giver even if you were balanced and happy before you met them. As codependent takers, they will dump you like trash once they realize you are on to them and they can't leach anything more from you.

Last edited by Pictureless; 01-21-2014 at 07:37 AM.
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post #40 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 12:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Well she always had her quirks and a borderline personality. I never tried to fix crazy but thought I had learned and understood the best approaches in dealing with her over the years but alas I was wrong. She has never handled stress well at all, stress always came out in anger with her. Was the same when she didn’t understand something, the anger card would come out.

Someone else mentioned it before about how the entire family seemed to be on some sort of medication or diagnosis. Her family is very much the same way, her parents are still together yet each and every one of her brothers and sisters have all been divorced at least two times. They are all seeing counselors or physiatrists. They have all had multiple children by multiple people and every single kid is either in legal trouble or in counseling.

They have family get togethers for every single occassion and they all go the same way, everyone yelling and screaming at each other. Its like a way of life for them. They never seemed to be happy unless they had conflict or disaster. I never understood it.

Her father told me on our wedding day and I still remember it so vividly when he said to me “good luck your gonna need it with her” I didn’t think all these years later he would be right

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post #41 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 02:51 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

"Thanks pops...you couldn't have told me this before we got married?"

Good luck to you...sounds like you've been through the wringer. Steer clear...sounds like she wouldn't have any problems having you arrested on false allegations.
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post #42 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 03:41 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Dealing with people that have mental health issues can be very tricky. Number one - you need to put yourself first. Have you tried IC? Did she stop taking her medication without consulting a doctor first? That can be very dangerous and have severe side affects especially if she is self-medicating.
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post #43 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 03:58 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Hang in their, Honcho. You've tried to help her. You could not have done more.

All you can do is ride it out.
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post #44 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 07:03 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Quote:
Originally Posted by bmark33 View Post
"Thanks pops...you couldn't have told me this before we got married?"

Good luck to you...sounds like you've been through the wringer. Steer clear...sounds like she wouldn't have any problems having you arrested on false allegations.
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Not sure pops telling you BEFORE marriage would have done any good! Love is BLIND/DEAF/DUMB/STUPID and EVER HOPEFUL! Had an uncle whose soon-to-be-FIL warned him not to marry his daughter (Bea) (she was mentally ill); uncle married Bea anyway and they had TONS of problems!

Am I correct that you and STBXW have no children? If this is the case, I would suggest that after the divorce, you sell the house and move somewhere else without giving her the new address (maybe even a town or two away). I'd also suggest you change your cellphone # if possible (depends on your job).

She has NO REASON to see you or run into you. There is nothing further to discuss. All she can do is continue to cause you trouble at work and personally. If there is information you require, you can always do it through emails.

You can't fix her.
Only she can fix herself (with professional help)...and only if she WANTS to.
You can't MAKE her want that...and you can't WANT it enough for both of you.
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post #45 of 414 (permalink) Old 01-22-2014, 07:31 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

" BEFORE marriage would have done any good! Love is BLIND/DEAF/DUMB/STUPID and EVER HOPEFUL! "

This is so true. I'm slowly getting wiser too!
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