how do I at least make one last attempt - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 414 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 03:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Well she finally signed the actual legal paperwork to take possession of the home. Her attorney is still jerking around on the kitchen remodel end of it. We had a hearing last week for the contempt charges they brought against me which of course the day before her lawyer dropped those charges.

My lawyer attended the hearing which was changed from an order to show cause to a scheduling hearing for our final hearing date. Her lawyer made an issue out of the kitchen and all the other ďpersonal propertyĒ which he has been wanting to make issues out of for over year now.

Im still lost on just what he is fighting for on the property end. Im not fighting for the washing machine that broke last June. I could care less about all her junk which she already took out of the house and what is left here is just worthless. She is making up items that she claims I have but they donít exist so how much is fantasy worth?

Then her lawyer starts up about secret videos that I have and her fear that I will start putting them on the internet to embarrass her. Guess her life hasnít become embarrassing enough already. Anyway since we have never even owned a video camera it makes it hard to take videos. The rumor mill has her ex boyfriend has some. I did mention that I could ask for copies from him if they would like. I am sure she would like to relive the good times of affairland.

Like everything in my fiasco called divorce at the end of the hearing we should have gotten our final hearing date scheduled. Instead the brilliant judge who cant make decisions decided to schedule yet another pretrial conference for next month so he can make suggestions on how we should divide the personal property. After 19 months he wants to make suggestions of dividing junk. Since everyone including her lawyer all agree that you cant reason with her what does this judge think he will accomplish with his suggestions. Just more waste of time nonsense.

So with another month before a useless hearing I know figure the earliest that I can get a final hearing date will be January now. So glad we have this speedy system. I did make a complaint with the state bar association about her lawyer. They said it would take a couple months to do an investigation and that in the world of divorce lawyers have a great deal of latitude on handing cases. Who knows if it will go anywhere.

So at the end of the month the house is hers. When she first left she didnít want the place. Last November she did. I agreed then she changed her mind. In May she wanted it again. End of May we agreed on price and its taken this long just to get her to sign the paperwork.

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post #77 of 414 (permalink) Old 09-08-2014, 03:29 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Well, at least you have detached and no longer feel responsible for her mental health.

Good job filing the complaint against her lawyer.
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post #78 of 414 (permalink) Old 09-17-2014, 03:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

So I am in the home stretch now of moving out. My brother came into town to help me move the big items and I will pretty much be in my new place. My stbx takes legal possession next week. I agreed to an earlier date than the end of the month to just get it over with and give her less time to have her lawyer play silly games which they love to do.

I have been having a contractor friend of mine rehabbing the new home for about the last 6 weeks with lots of little projects that needed to be done. Home is smaller than my old home but I gained much more acreage which the dogs enjoy. Since I wasnít living in the house yet it just made sense to get everything ready and the updating I wanted done now.

While it made fiscal sense to leave this house after 16 years in it this have been more emotional for me that I thought it would. I have been stuck on the trip down memory lane more than anything. I didnít think after all this time and this mess that the emotions would play that much but they have.

I do find it ironic that after all the piles of junk she had moved out of this place, me packing all of her remaining items and now me packing my items that the house would look empty but she still has so much stuff in this place you cant even tell I have packed and move the bulk of mine out.

So one day of moving big items and a couple car loads of little stuff then me and the dogs are officially moved. I hope that by moving the date up to get out of here quicker helps with the emotions. Being stuck in the limbo of this home and the shrine to divorce it has become has worn on me at times. I somehow donít think that after all this once she gets back into the home she will enjoy having it nearly as much as she thinks. I know the neighbors are non too pleased she is going to be back.
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post #79 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-07-2014, 10:58 PM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

We had our personal property hearing today so we could listen to the judges suggestions. Like everything my stbx has made issues out of everything and was now demanding that she get my taxidermy of all things. She wants to fight me for a 14 year old deer mount and a judge is listening to this nonsense?

So in the judges infinite wisdom he orders that we must auction everything we own which even both lawyers agree was the dumbest decision he could make. I literally have to have as part of this auction the fish in the tank in my office at work but since the tank is my bosses people need to bring a bucket along to catch the fish. I kid you not, I have the dumbest judge in the world I think.

She had a laundry list of things wrong with the house that she wanted to receive compensation for but the judge tossed all that out so I am guess the house is finally done. Like most things with her, now that she has her prize she isnt happy with it.

She actually attended this hearing at it was the first time I have seen her since 5/13. She did not look good and very uncharacteristic of her. She was very pale. She had gained weight, she wore no make-up at all. Dressed in very baggy oversized clothes. She never once looked at me as far as I could tell and spent most of the hearing staring at the wall. She never uttered a single word. Just very robotic.

I thought I would have an emotional day having not seen her in so long but I didnít have any real emotion at all. I thought I would feel something even is it was just anger for the foolishness this divorce has become but really nothing.

Before the hearing officially started her lawyer was very quick to point out to us he believes she is completely crazy at this point. Her therapist tried pulling the letter game to judge once again with all sorts of weirdness in it which her lawyer was able to get stopped before the judge saw it. All we need is that issue again to delay this further. My lawyer said he saw part of the letter and it talked about the depressed state of mind my stbx is currently living in etc. After that all he said was from what he saw she is still living in the world of delusion.

I got a final hearing date again. This time its way out at the end of February. I have at least 4 more months of this. I did find it poetic that the date of the final is the 2 year anniversary of her leaving.
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post #80 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 12:29 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

You can probably buy anything important to you back at the auction.

Her lawyer even admitted that this as been madness.

You cannot save her from her illness anymore than if she had cancer.

Hope you feel that this far enough behind you now to live without thinking of her.
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post #81 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 01:42 AM Thread Starter
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You can probably buy anything important to you back at the auction.

Her lawyer even admitted that this as been madness.

You cannot save her from her illness anymore than if she had cancer.

Hope you feel that this far enough behind you now to live without thinking of her.
I told the judge today to just tell me a number and my boss would write a check and get this over with. Both lawyers thought a great idea. Bonehead judge says no let's just auction it all. Lawyers just shook head in disbelief. He finally made one decision in divorce and its this silly.
State is still investigating her lawyer. I think that is why he was willing to try and deal more today than in past.
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post #82 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 03:33 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Do you feel that you have enough distance from this to start dating?
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post #83 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 04:00 AM Thread Starter
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Do you feel that you have enough distance from this to start dating?
In the beginning I felt it was better to not to date until the divorce was final. I never in my wildest dreams almost two years later stuck in this mess yet. Would I like to date and have some fun yes. I have gone out a couple of times. Do I want a serious relationship? No idea. I have been burned pretty bad by this experience.
My stbx was the only woman I ever seriously dated.
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post #84 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-08-2014, 05:47 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

You never saw yourself as a player. Haha. There are plenty of guys like you.

Go to the gym or take up a sport. Being fit will give you confidence.

Also, you have a job. That is a major attraction for women. A guy who is functional. Remember that woman want to be chased. They want sex. The worst thing that can happen when you pursue a woman is that she turns you down. A sense of humor is key. If you chase a woman and she plays hard to get, but you can still smile, then she may reconsider. When a guy who is shot down is destroyed and it shows on his face, then you are out of the game.

Also, try inviting women to coffee just to talk about anything (not your ex, though). Show interest in what they say. It doesn't have to lead to anything. Once you don't put pressure on yourself, you will not be anxious.
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post #85 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-09-2014, 08:21 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

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In the beginning I felt it was better to not to date until the divorce was final. I never in my wildest dreams almost two years later stuck in this mess yet. Would I like to date and have some fun yes. I have gone out a couple of times. Do I want a serious relationship? No idea. I have been burned pretty bad by this experience.
My stbx was the only woman I ever seriously dated.
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Just have to trust your gut. This must have been very hard on you. Give yourself whatever time you need and then proceed cautiously.


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post #86 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

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You can probably buy anything important to you back at the auction.

Her lawyer even admitted that this as been madness.
The part that truly burns me up is because she is contesting EVERY piece of property the judge ordered everything sold, even premarital or exempt items. Why in the world do I have to bid on an old duck decoy that came from my great grandfather when I was a kid, things like this. Moneywise they arent worth a great deal its just the principal of it.

I just shouldnt have to buy my own stuff or have her bid me up to keep what legally should be exempt. When I asked the judge this very question he told me he would decide after the auction what was premarital or exempt to which again both lawyers just shook there heads. It is a little late at that point now isnt it. When I questioned the judge more I get the all too familiar Im the judge and can do whatever I want attitude. Now that this judge has actually made one decision finally in this divorce action I imagine I could appeal his ruling but that of course would mean yet another attorney bill. Once you get stuck in this system you just cant get out of it.

I took very little out of the house that was marital property. I didnt care about that junk and honestly most of it I was happy to leave behind. Yet she just has to find a reason to fight about nonsense.
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post #87 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 02:00 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

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The part that truly burns me up is because she is contesting EVERY piece of property the judge ordered everything sold, even premarital or exempt items. Why in the world do I have to bid on an old duck decoy that came from my great grandfather when I was a kid, things like this. Moneywise they arent worth a great deal its just the principal of it.

I just shouldnt have to buy my own stuff or have her bid me up to keep what legally should be exempt. When I asked the judge this very question he told me he would decide after the auction what was premarital or exempt to which again both lawyers just shook there heads. It is a little late at that point now isnt it. When I questioned the judge more I get the all too familiar Im the judge and can do whatever I want attitude. Now that this judge has actually made one decision finally in this divorce action I imagine I could appeal his ruling but that of course would mean yet another attorney bill. Once you get stuck in this system you just cant get out of it.

I took very little out of the house that was marital property. I didnt care about that junk and honestly most of it I was happy to leave behind. Yet she just has to find a reason to fight about nonsense.
Write a blog about this blacked robe demon and make sure he doesn't get elected again.
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post #88 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 03:51 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

Unbelievable.
Better days ahead honcho!
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post #89 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-10-2014, 04:22 AM
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

So you face the prospect of bidding for the duck with her upping the price? Wow. Well, you can fight her and make her pay for junk you don't want. Drive up the price on some stuff that is unimportant and let her have it with a stiff bill. You'll actually make some money, getting rid of stuff you don't care about.
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post #90 of 414 (permalink) Old 10-11-2014, 12:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do I at least make one last attempt

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So you face the prospect of bidding for the duck with her upping the price? Wow. Well, you can fight her and make her pay for junk you don't want. Drive up the price on some stuff that is unimportant and let her have it with a stiff bill. You'll actually make some money, getting rid of stuff you don't care about.
Yeah I have thought about just outbidding her too on everything and basically leaving her with an empty house. Most of the junk is burnable and I could heat my new house with it in my wood stove haha! We just shouldnít have to play this childish game to begin with. She bids me up, I bid her up. I should let her win my duck mounts then once she takes possession of them have her arrested because once she has them she is in violation of federal law. You cant sell, barter or transfer ownership of any wild game, mounts or parts of migratory birds. If the value is high enough it becomes a felony.

I have received a bid on the fish! I will get my legal team on it immediately and will ask the judge to convene a special hearing for clarification about the bucket issue. This judge is probably dumb enough to do it....
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