how do I at least make one last attempt
Hello, I have never posted on here before. My wife left on March and I am frankly still as lost today as i was the day she left. Have been married 15 years, dated 2 before that, we are both in our late 40's and have no children.
Like so many I thought we had a great marriage, even 2 weeks before she left she was telling me I was the love of her life, that she was happy. Being a simple guy that tells me all is right in the married world, we dont have any big problems as far as I know.
2 weeks later she walks into the house, tells me she doesnt love me anymore, she hates me because we never had a child, twins actually, and she moved out and moved in with another man. Ironic part of this is, she couldnt have children and she never wanted to adopt. I know the person she moved in with, we live in a small town, known him for 30 years, so I knew how that relationship would go, after 2 or 3 months he would get bored and out she would go.
My wife has had depression issues for several years and was taking medication which she quit taking shortly before she left which was about the time her perimenoupausal syptoms starting going into overdrive. She has been out of work for 2 years and working just a part-time job which she is overqualified for. Her father was hitting the more advanced stages of alzheimers and that was taking a toll on her. And one of her beloved dogs had advanced cancer and her time was just about up.
Its like I hit a perfect storm of everything at once hitting her and its like she just snapped. She wanted to run away from her life and change everything.
She filed for divorce without telling me, one day she cleaned out the bank accounts out of the blue. One day I came home and most of the furniture was gone out of house and she basically has been driven to destroy my life since then. She calls the police with claims that I am breaking into her cellphone and reading her text messeges, she calls them claiming I am sending spies into her place of employment keeping a watch on her none of which is true. She will send me a text once in a while with crazy demands and refuses to ever talk about anything. We havent spoken or seen each other since the end of May. I told her several times before that when she is ready to address the issues or problems she feels are in our marriage I would be more than happy to talk, we could go to a therapist, meet with her family whatever I would be willing. If she wanted to discusss breaking up the marriage and how we will divide things up etc, we can sit down and discuss that.
She just refuses to talk, even her demands dont make sense, she wanted her clothes out of house at one point after I finally changed the locks. I told her to call me and arrange a time to pick them up, yet she refuses to pick them up. I offered to deliver and she says she is scared of me, how or why I will never know. Anyway why demand, when you have no intention of picking up or wanting them delivered?
The now ex-boyfriend threw her out at the end of July, just like every single person in town told her would happen and the day it happens she files a restraining order against me accusing me of breaking into her boyfriends house and stabbing her favorite teddy bear in the heart....I was not even in the state when this incident occurred and had plenty of witnesses etc. It was a joke which finally got dismissed yet this girl just says everyone lied for me cause they like me better than her.
She has done the most outlandish and crazy things these last few months, she needs some help. When she was living with the other man, she was in fantasy land, it was non-stop partying, he is retired and has money. I knew sooner or later that would end so I told her that when she is ready to talk or when he finally throws you out to not have too much pride, that I will listen, I want to listen and I want to understand what is happening with her life. and if she needs help I would help her.
Every single person who has met or talked to her since she left all agree, she has had some sort of mental issue going on. She is now living in her car even though she has the financial means to get a house or apartment. I would leave our house and let her have it if she wanted it, we arent in a bad position moneywise.
So I have rambled, given you some highlights of the year of hell so far, we are no farther along in divorce proceedings as far as any negotions than we were on day one cause she wont make any decisions or cant. Even her own lawyers says she doesnt apprear rational, she refused to show up for hearings. I still to this day want to help this girl out, she is the love of my life. Do I believe we can ever be a happy married couple again, I honestly dont know and yet I am still willing to try and at least get some true closure if that be the case. All the books, all the internet sites etc, it all comes down to communication, talking openly with one another, its not hard, things may be hard to hear but at least its a starting point.
Yet as much as I want to send her a text and try at least one more time, at least tell her that her dogs I am caring for are doing well, she had 4 dogs, ask her how her father is doing, cause I care about him.
Simply how do I at least try and get her to start talking one last time. Even if its deciding how we are going to divide up the house etc. It sure would be much easier if the two people who it affects could make some decisions instead of lawyers and courts who at the end of the day just dont care.