Hopeful_wife

Ok, so my stbx basically left me for another woman. He denies it, and denies that they're dating, but I know he's kissed her, and I know he's slept with her because he told me. But now he's starting to bring her around my son and it absolutely KILLS me. How do I handle this? It hurts so much when my son comes home and says Ms. XXX did this, and Ms. XXX gave me this. It is sooo painful. I don't care about what they do together, but I really don't want her around my son. If it was some random girl he met after we separated, fine, I'd be ok with that. But this girl is part of the reason we aren't a family anymore and now she's spending time with my child. Anyone have any advice on what I can do to get past this? I know it's going to continue, even though I've told him I don't want her around him. He said it's not my choice. How do I deal with this?

Feelingalone

Hopeful,

You can't control him, only you. It is tough -- I know from experience the things you mention. You have to just ignore it, it is a button that you are allowing to be pushed. It sucks, but it is what it is -- there is no getting around it -- sorry.

Peace.

__________________
"Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less" ....C.S. Lewis

TNgirl232

I understand where you are coming from - and while it is worse when it is the OW - in the future if it is another girl that had nothing to do with your breakup it will still get on your nerves . Hearing "X said this" "X did this" over and over after a visitation weekend. Even when you like X it still gets on your nerves. Guess what - he is sharing his weekend with you. Just nod and say - how nice. I bet he is saying "mommy did this" and "mommy said this" when he is with them. Letting him see that it bothers you only puts him in the middle and he will no longer want to talk about what is going on there, and he NEEDS to be able to do this for various reasons. You'll want to know if anything bad ever happens and if he feels like he can't talk about the OW you won't hear about it.

Its not easy I know - I've been there and I wanted to scream!! It made me feel inadequate and that my daughter liked the OW better. That's not the case. It isn't about liking her better. You are his mother and he loves you regardless. Its not your job to make him like you better. Raising him right, with love and respect, will have more lasting effects than a trip to the candy store. As he gets older he will realize who is really there for him and who is trying to buy him off. You just have to be patient.

lastinline

Hopeful Wife, this is one of the bigger reasons why divorce sucks. If it's any consultation your kid will likely end up despising your ex for this. I know, that reality never made me feel any better either.

I'm afraid there isn't a lot you can do with selfish. You can try to have greater custody of your child on the weekends. I'm not saying that you do this through the courts or even mention it to them. Just a simple little, "hey, I'd be happy to keep Timmy if you two have plans for the weekend."

In all likely-hood, this rebound relationship will burn out in a year or so, and you will have saved your kid some unneeded confusion. I'm sorry I couldn't have offered you better advice; sometimes everyone looses.

LIL

morningdew

HW, I know exactly how it feels.
My son has been spending weekends with his Dad while we are still separating. Today when I asked him my 3 years old boy "Did you had a great time with Daddy" he smiled and said "Yes, went to the store with Daddy and Daddy's 'auntie'" that feels like a sharp pang. I told H before not to bring the OW around when he have our son because it's just way too early. Like you, I don't care if H is sleeping with her and do whatever he wants but when it involves my son I just find it very very tough to handle.

I can't give you any advice but I just want you to know that I understand where you are coming from and sending you a big big hugs.

__________________
"Perhabs our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in awhile, so that we can see life with a clearer view again." - Alex Tan

Help239

It's hard. I know. My stb-xw moved in with the OM. That means on the weeks she has our children the OM isn't just around - he lives with them. WAY too soon - the child mediator even said so.

My kids have already grown to resent him and don't treat him well. He has basically told them he deserves their respect too. Too bad he has never raised any kids because he would understand that respect is earned - not given.