Wife wants out of the marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-16-2010, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Wife wants out of the marriage

I met my wife almost 4 years ago. We hit it off right away and were living together within a couple months. She was pretty wild before she met me. She was 17 at the time and enjoyed house parties and going to clubs. I was the oposite and she adjusted to what I liked. She was kissed by some guy a party 2 months into our relationship, because she was really drunk at some house party and thats when I basically stopped her from seeing her friends if it was house parties or clubs. She was very upset, but accepted it. I said if you guys wanna do anythign else fine, and she told me thats all her friends do. I don't like tatoos or smoking and voiced my subtle opinions. Smoking wasn't really an issue, but tatoos were. After a year of living together I was going to join the Airforce to support her, and we got married (probably early), because of it. A couple months after getting married we planned to have our daughter, who is with me right now. I was discharged early and we coudn't afford to live in california anymore. We left all of our friends and family and moved to Iowa, because I had some family that would take us in and get us on our feet. And we did get our own place and support ourselves. We've been in Iowa 2 Years now, about 8 months ago we moved back in with our sisters to have a bigger place. Lots of drama in that place and it stressed us out. I've relized as time went on intimate life died down, and we didn't have as much small talk. Within the last 2 months she was stressed about a house we were buying, which I found out she never wanted to even have. I got depressed with where we were and played video games to cope and she would go out or go on the computer. When she would go out shed stay out till 2am or later and then come home and we'd fight. She eventually did come home at a decent hour. She explained her staying out so late as her escape from being a mother, a wife, and just being 21 again! A week before she left me about 4/2, she came home from a friends house crying and told me how much she loves me and she wants to make our marriage work. I was upset and didn't respond as I should have. Then last friday we were going to go out and have a good day. I told her that morning that my family is stressing me out and everyone things shes cheating on me, but I believe her and know she needs this to be happy. She got cold right away, didn't want to go out. And later that day she woke up from a nap and told me we need to talk. She said I love you, but I don't want to be with you anymore, and I don't care about you. She said she's been sacrificing for a long while now to keep me happy and now its time for her to be selfish and take care of herself. She left in a motel I agreed to pay for it. She is already moving into an apartment this monday. I have made the typical mistakes aguing, begging, saying I'll do anything, asking for the one thing I can do to even if its to get us talking again. The only time she does text is to ask when we will split items, or to talk about finances. I can tell you anything else you need, I know this is long .... I havn't been the best husband. I've been lazy lately, and our lives did get boring. Same old dates "Movies, Shopping, or Dinner". I am lost with what to do. . . She hasn't said she wants a divorce. She doesn't know yet what she wants, but right now its not me.

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-16-2010, 08:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife wants out of the marriage

I am only 22 and she is 21. I kept trying to move our lives along. I have a career, and wanted to buy her a house. We have our daughter. I do want to do the things like go out dance and drink, but years ago she told me my dancing embarassed her and never went out with me again ... I wanted to be apart of that fun life she liked, but she didn't feel I fit it and if she could have it ... itd be without me. I represented safe, boring, and stable life. She said it is the life she would like if she was 25,but not at 21.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-16-2010, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife wants out of the marriage

My wife also told me she thought of me as the woman in the realtionship. When i asked her to elaberate she said your clingy and hover. I have to do your laundry and cook you dinner. You whine about things and I take care of everything, plus you never decide where we go. I gave her that control because I thought it made her happy ... but now I need to become a man. But she isn't here to see I can take care of myself fine. I'm just having trouble keeping myself happy. I was dependent upon her for my hapiness as she was to me for awhile. She found she can have hapiness by partying with friends ... while I stressed at home waiting.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-16-2010, 09:24 AM
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Re: Wife wants out of the marriage

First of all both of you were too young to get married. Marriage is not only about love. Love is the key that opens the front door. What was behind this door you didn't know, and were not ready to deal with it.
Good luck to both of you. Maybe is better for you to stay away from each other for awhile. You need to understand what you want from life. Go get an education. Are you both working? Who has been the provider in your family?
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 04-16-2010, 09:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife wants out of the marriage

We both work, and I have a very successsful career. We were closing on our first home next month. Our lives became 10x more stressful moving in with family, and I thought once we got into that house we would get away from that stress. We have been together almost 4 years, and I know my love for her is real. I don't understand why she would cry and tell me how much she loves me and wants to make it work, and then a week after that give up. She wont seek counceling with me and just wants me to let her be. I tried pushing an answer if she is seeking divorce or space. And she didn't say she wanted to divorce, but is sure right now she does not care about me or see me in her life. I asked if I should wait or move on and she ddin't want me to move on yet. I said if I wait 2 months do you think we'll get better?? She said my lease for my apartment is 2 months and I can leave in 30 days if I choose, but after the 2 months I'll have to sign a year lease. Said she doesn't know where we'll be in 2 months, said I can't tell you we will or wont get together by then, because I cant tell the future, but I know where we are now. She left in the motel and I've been taking care of our daughter. She has bearly stopped by to even see her ... And I'm trying my best to not look sad and not fight when she does come by.
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