04-23-2010, 05:21 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
| | Wife Left - Cut Off All Communication
My wife and I had a very strong relationship for 8 years, with 100% trust. But after suffering several months of mild depression, I had a 4-week emotional affair. Stupid. My wife discovered what was going on. She moved out of our bedroom, and was emotionally upset for several weeks. She lost a lot of weight, and told me she cried at night. I didn't take it seriously. Again, stupid. Then about 3 weeks after she discovered the affair, my wife unexpectedly left me and took the kids and all of her belongings.
I was stunned and deeply saddened. But knowing that I had done something horribly wrong, I agreed to give her some space, and I even helped her move her furniture to the moving vans. Later that evening, I begged her to reconsider, and I promised to never see the woman again. But on the day my wife left, I realized she had blown the affair completely out of proportion, claiming it was a physical affair that had lasted for a year. She told me she couldn't live in the same house with me any more, and that God led her to move out. She told me I would never change, and that I refused to admit that I was wrong. She also said we had our entire lifetimes to figure things out, but right now, she just needed to get healthy and happy. I love her, so I calmly agreed to let her do what she needed to do.
The day after she left, she promised we would talk on the phone every day. She also promised that arrangements would be made for my family and me to see the children. She did return my calls for two days. However, on the third day, she completely cut off all communication: email, instant messaging, Facebook, phone... everything. Her family and our mutual friends hang up the phone when I call. This is so unbelievable to me, because I was good friends with her parents and her girlfriend. Her girlfriend's children, who adored me for years, even hung up the phone on me. It breaks my heart.
Three weeks after my wife left, I texted her best friend. She texted back that my wife needed some time to figure out a lot of feelings. When I asked why my wife wouldn't communicate with me, I was told she is trying to sort out her own feelings first.
After several weeks of deep prayer and spiritual study, I was led to attempt some sort of communication.
On week 3, I mailed her lovely card apologizing for taking our relationship for granted, and expressing my exclusive special love for her.
On week 4, I mailed her a long letter with evidence on how I admitted to and corrected the mistakes I had made. Also I wrote about my new, refreshing outlook on our relationship and my commitment to daily working on our relationship.
It has been 6 weeks since she vanished. I still have zero information about what is going on. I'm getting stronger through my spiritual study, but I still have a great deal of sadness in my heart for my dear wife and children.
Is my wife just cooling off? Or is she gone for good?
Should I keep trying to make contact, or should I back off?