Having second thoughts...
I know I just made a post a few days ago, but I am having a hard time with this. I have no one else to talk to and I am really liking being here.
I now know that when I filed for divorce I acted on impulse, I acted out of anger and hurt and I should have just taken a step back and thought on it awhile. I almost feel like I am regreting what I did. I don't know if it is because I am starting to realize what I have done or if it is because I really do love him. I'm not sure.
Part of me wants to go back and see if we can't work it out and the other part says no it is time to move on. My stbx is a controlling person, I just started realizing this, but I have also started realizing that my family is too. I almost feel like my family "pushed" me to do this, I'm not sure on that either. I love my family don't get me wrong, but they have not liked my stbx from day one and they never will. I guess in trying to please my family I have only hurt myself, my stbx and our daughter. Again, I am not really sure what I am feeling at this moment, just full of mixed emotions.
I do love my stbx, but I am also questioning if I am truly in love with him or if I ever was. He has hurt me so bad, broke promises and told many lies and I believe he has cheated on me as well. After writing all that I am not sure why I still love him.
I miss him, I miss hearing his voice. I know I should be completely p***** off about what happened Saturday (see my post...just need to vent), but I'm not. I'm hurt to no end.
I miss seeing his face, I just miss him. Am I just lonely and missing "someone" being there or is it something more?
I have talked to him a few times on the phone and it seems like he just doesn't want to talk to me and I am not understanding why that is. Can someone explain that to me?
My family thinks I should be a total b**** through the divorce for what he pulled on Saturday, but I am not that type of person. He hurt me, I don't want to hurt him. I guess I am just too nice.
My family has helped me so much, they let me move back in and are watching my daughter while I go to school. I mean they are doing a lot. They are worried about all the money I spent with the attorney, but it's just money (money doesn't mean much to me).
Someone please help me, what in the h*** should I do? I am so torn up over all of this.
Thank you so much for letting me post another one...Hugs to all!