04-26-2010, 07:09 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
| | Emotionally cheating?
I am posting this after surfing the Web and finding this Web site. Here's my situation:
My husband and I have been together for four years, married just about a year. He's always been a little jealous, specifically asking me not to talk to old boyfriends. It was never a problem; I love my husband and even though one of my ex's was an old family friend, I explained that it made my husband uncomfortable and that was it.
Several months ago, my husband and I had gotten into an argument. There were a number of reasons, one of them being that he had added an ex-girlfriend to his facebook. He says they are friends, but I've been friends with my husband for nearly 13 years and her name has never come up before. My first mistake after our argument was to log into his facebook. I found a message he had written "her" that said we were fighting and that he only had to stay with me seven more years and then he was "done." (We have a son together and in seven years, he will be 18). I was very upset, but eventually, we were able to talk about things. I feel like we focussed more on the other reasons we were fighting and not so much on what he said to her. A few weeks later, she is still on his facebook, and when I go to pay the phone bill, I notice several calls between the two of them, hours long at times, while I am at work.
Needless to say, we got into an argument; he apologized for hurting me and said he wouldn't talk to her anymore. She sent him text messages and e-mails; he said he didn't reply. I finally called her and said not to call anymore. This was last October.
It is now April, my husband and I are separated (not because of this), but he has added her back to his facebook, despite the fact I have told him it hurts me. I feel like we are trying to work things out and this just brings up unnecessary problems. He doesn't understand my reasoning. I don't have a problem with him being friends with other women, it's because of what he said to this woman in the past and the phone calls while I wasn't around that I have a problem with.
I need help- I am thinking of this as emotional cheating and he thinks I'm being crazy. I don't understand how he can know that it is hurting me and yet continue the relationship with her. I want him to tell her he can't talk to her anymore because it makes me uncomfortable and he loves me, but he doesn't and I cannot demand him to stop talking to her. It will only bring resentment to an already stressful marriage.
Please help- I am ready to walk away from this marriage if he continues his relationship with this woman. Some friends have said to talk to her, woman to woman, and tell her I don't think it's appropriate, but I think that will only make him mad and I don't think I can bear to hear from her that if he thinks it's ok they talk, then she is going to keep calling.