Giving her the space she needs
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Old 05-06-2010, 03:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Giving her the space she needs

Me and my wife have been married for 15 years and are going through a separation. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. There was no infedelity on either part. I owned a business that failed and that put us into this. Since, I have gotten a nice job and am working on my debts from the business. However, I am having the hardest time leaving her alone and it is turning her farther away from me. I know I need to give her the space she needs. If anyone has helpful tips on how to do this I would greatly appreciate it. I am new to the forum. Thank you.
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

I am in the same boat,

I know is hard, i know we feel like we have a dark cloud over our heads, that's why I understand.

Here is what I have done so far this past month and pretty much I can say that she has noticed, even if we feel that it's not enough. Remember, by giving her time and space, you are telling her that you trust her judgment, you trust that she will decide what's best for her and moreover that you love her w/o expecting anything in return, and that my friend is TRUE LOVE. Actions speak louder than words, even if an action is to let go and not talk to her, because is based on love.

Here is my advice: if you feel that you need to contact her don't do it in excess, you only know what is best for you because as you said it will push her away if you keep it doing it, BE CAREFUL. If you do keep it short and concise and don't bring anything related to the relationship, she wants time and space to think, and she does not need you to keep reminding her that you still love her, she knows.

If you feel that you need to tell he something every day, write it in a journal, and save it for yourself and you may even show it to her if you reconcile. You won't believe how much it helps to let everything our of your system, at the end you won't even need to click the send button, push the talk key in your cellphone, or knock on her door.

Also, exercise, tire yourself up to avoid going over and over the same issues, it works wonders. Do not beat yourself up, you are not the only at fault. Be nice to her, if she asks you for a favor do it but just do the favor, she is not asking you to reconcile or to have a romantic conversation.

Trust in god/life or destiny because if it is meant to be it will, also analyze your part in this and work on yourself. Let her know what you are doing BUT do not give her a daily summary, with the only fact that she knows that you are doing it and the way your are behaving by giving her space she will notice.

Counseling is AMAZING, i am going and it's helping me a lot. Read self-help books, the more you learn, the more you change, it will make you feel better about yourself, I guarantee you. There is a win win situation, if you reconcile you will be a better husband, if you don't you will be a better man and future partner.

BE PATIENT and have hope and peace
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Old 05-07-2010, 01:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

Wow man, that is the most concise advice. I am going to print this out and use it as a daily reminder. Thank you for that post. I am leaving this to the big Man upstairs and hope for the best.
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Old 05-08-2010, 07:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

Me too. I am in the same boat. My wife and I have been seperated for almost a month now. We have been married almost 11 years. Space is what she needs. Just hang in there man. I know its hard.
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Old 05-08-2010, 01:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

You are welcome ERR i am really happy i was able to help
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Old 05-08-2010, 03:13 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

Today is the start of our separation....I hate even how it sounds He left this morning and is staying at a hotel. I am not looking forward to it but then I guess I understand why it is happening. I begged really begged him to stay almost 2 wks ago and he didn't want to and I probably should of just let him go then. He told me he needed space to figure things out and that almost seems worse then just saying F-you I am done After 11 years I am use to talking to him through out the day and that I am beginning to realize is not going to happen anymore. He told me that I never give him and space and I keep pushing so I am going to just try to not talk to him....I don't see how this is going to make it any better but I really don't have a choice anymore.
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Old 05-09-2010, 12:37 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

Quote:
Originally Posted by ERR71 View Post
Me and my wife have been married for 15 years and are going through a separation. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. There was no infedelity on either part. I owned a business that failed and that put us into this. Since, I have gotten a nice job and am working on my debts from the business. However, I am having the hardest time leaving her alone and it is turning her farther away from me. I know I need to give her the space she needs. If anyone has helpful tips on how to do this I would greatly appreciate it. I am new to the forum. Thank you.
Hi ERR71
I completely agree with stbxhmaybe, he is right you need to give your wife space don't constantly call her, etc. My husband and I were seperated and I asked him to understand that I needed space and all he did was constantly call me and stop by and accuse me of cheating, which I never was, I just needed time. All he did was push me away, now we are probably getting divorced. You need to respect your wifes wishes and still take care of her, which my husband never did, never gave me money, etc. He had stolen alot of money from me and never gave me anything, he was a taker and disrespected me. But there is still hope for you, you need to be understanding and considerate of her feelings. Best of luck to you!
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Old 05-09-2010, 08:26 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Giving her the space she needs

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Originally Posted by kissycupcake View Post
Hi ERR71
I completely agree with stbxhmaybe, he is right you need to give your wife space don't constantly call her, etc. My husband and I were seperated and I asked him to understand that I needed space and all he did was constantly call me and stop by and accuse me of cheating, which I never was, I just needed time. All he did was push me away, now we are probably getting divorced. You need to respect your wifes wishes and still take care of her, which my husband never did, never gave me money, etc. He had stolen alot of money from me and never gave me anything, he was a taker and disrespected me. But there is still hope for you, you need to be understanding and considerate of her feelings. Best of luck to you!

The dangerous thing about space is that if you give someone too much; sometimes they don't find their way back to you. My wife wanted space. She wanted to separate and "try to get her life together" whatever the F that means. Now she is thinking about reconciliation, and I'm finding she's no longer welcome in my life. Careful what you wish for people; you just might get it.

LIL
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