separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right?
HI I have benn "separated" (not really though) since Jan. 2010. I have been living in the basement. My wife has been cought the 3rd time in an affair. 1st was a stranger, 2nd was a co worker, and 3rd was the boyfriend she she left for me. I have found out these affairs through internet chats and emails. I installed a computer monitoring program, a GPS vehicle tracking device both were on my belongings (van/computer) She has now been texting alot and the cell phone is in my name and I pay with my income, so should I cancel it seeings how I have never used it? I look at texts sometimes when she goes in the shower and see some very sexually oriented info.
We have been married for 13 years and have 3 amazing children. In January I have told her I wanted a separation, she asked for me to wait untill she is finished her schooling 1.5 years...what good does that do me?
Anyways, upon our "separating my wife has spent her March break with guy she is sexting with the, Ex-boyfriend, and each weekend she leaves for his house( 3.5 hours away) Yes we are separated, but I pay for these trips. She takes the vehicle leaving me with no means of travelling with my 3 children. I want out so bad...it's killing me. The question is is it concidered audultry when she does this because we are still married? I have gone to extremes by purchasing a Check Mate semen detection kit. I used it on her undergarments and sex toys she like to use during sex. And it came up posative for semen...What now? She has the good life...A husband who is there to watch and care for the children and clean house, she can go to school, leave for 3 - 5 days at a time with no questioning and get her sex fix, come back home to a husband who is stuck because he doesn't want to leave the kids or house. I wish there was an easy solution!!!
~Trapped~
Re: separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right?
My question is simply this: What on earth would make you put up with that? You need to stand up for yourself, tell her to leave or you leave and get on with life. Maybe she will come around or maybe she won't, but right now you are enabling her to do all this. Not sure how you are trapped? Time to demand better, and deal with the outcome. Sounds like she needs your money to survive, but that really isn't your problem. You deserve better, she isn't likely to just offer it up, so it's up to you.
Re: separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right?
The reason I feel trapped is because I love my children, and I cannot just up and leave them. My wife could not handle that. And I can't take them and go because that is concidered abduction. My lawyer is sending a letter to her to get a lawer and to move foreward with this, hopefully this will be enough to get on with this. I want to make this as easy on the kids as possible, I know I can't protect them from everything going on but I love them and I don't want this to be so tramatic. Maybe I am worring too much but yes I really do want out just like you have said...if only it was that easy!!!
Re: separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right?
Oh actually this is really easy.
You move back upstairs. The kids stay in their rooms in their beds in their home with their friends in their neighborhood. You pack your wife's bags, sit them in the garage, change the locks and tell her she is welcome to live at home with you and END ALL CONTACT with all three of her OM, and give you open access to all her accounts so you can verify it...or she can move out and live with OM. Effective immediately she can get her cell, internet/computer and car from them, as you own them and you have canceled the cell, repossessed the PC you bought, cut off home internet, and are keeping the car you paid for. No more sexting from the shower on your cell; no more cybersex on a PC you bought; no more trips using your van!! Let the OM drive 3.5 hours to pick her up and 3.5 hours back home...then 3.5 hours to bring her back and 3.5 hours to go back home! That will take the blush off the rose!
There is no reason WHATSOEVER that you should be financing her unfaithfulness!!! She is a grown woman and if she makes the choice to continue the affair, she also gets to experience the natural consequence of that choice (aka, no more financing from you!). See how easy that is? She chooses you and has the benefit of using the cell, PC, van and 100% of her time with her children...or she chooses to continue her affair, lose the cell, PC, van, and at least half the time with her children (maybe more). If the OM is so great, he can finance their tryst and let's see how he is paying her bills and driving 7 hours just to see her! Suddenly their exciting secret love nest will be filled with no money, no gas and bill collectors...and yeah talk about bursting a bubble.
YOU don't go anywhere. You were faithful and are still to this day honoring your vow. She is completely free to choose to stay and honor her vow...or go. You are not controlling her AT ALL because she is completely 100% free to make any decision she likes. But you and the kids are staying put, staying home, and standing solid to protect your family from her infidelity. Period.
Re: separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right?
Second!!!!
If you do decide to keep her around, make her sign some kind of agreement, through a lawyer (not sure if you can even do this), that when she's done with school, she forfeits any alimony, the children, whatever else you want. If she's going to use you, make sure she doesn't take you to the cleaners when the divorce is final.
separated, but still married Means no sex with another...Right? 
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