05-11-2010, 11:10 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
| | Separated, needing adivce PLEASE...
My wife suddenly walked out on me back in March after nearly 10 years together. Within 2 weeks, she had gotten her own place and filed for divorce. We are now in the 90 day state-mandated waiting period. We were best of friends, inseparable, and now she's gone.
There is another person she is interested in and pursuing. She says she is totally at peace with her decision. She also says that while we were best of friends, that's all it was to her and she needed more than just friendship in a marriage.
She has since changed her phone number and I don't know exactly where she is living, although from things she has said by email I'm pretty sure she is living with this other guy.
We are both Christians. Early on, I made my position clear that I didn't want the divorce, that we needed counseling, and to at least try. She roundly rejected any talk of trying to save the marriage, saying she was entirely no longer interested whatsoever.
My question to you is should I just leave her alone about it? I feel I was a very good and loving husband to her, but I had my faults. I have been thinking that I should send her an email apologizing for certain things, and letting her know again that the door to reconciliation is open if she wants to walk through it. My fear is that by apologizing, I am validating her behavior, and that by bringing up the subject of "us" again, I will only put her on the defensive and push her away more, if that was possible.
I am also tempted to write her an email asking her specifically why she left. The reasons have been rather vague to this point, but I am afraid to ask her, because if it's something that I did or was oblivious to, I don't know how I could ever forgive myself. Yet not knowing is equally as torturous, as I am consumed with what-ifs and such.
You should know that she has a very troubled past, and a history of waking out abruptly on relationships. She walked out on me one other time in the past, before we got married, but came back after a few months.
Any advice would be appreciated!