Why is this so hard? please help - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-16-2010, 12:01 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 40
Why is this so hard? please help

I have posted before in considering seperation, its a long story, my husband and I have been seperated for 3 months now and although I always knew we were going to wind up getting a divorce its just so hard to digest. The last time we were in marriage counseling the marriage counselor and I talked alone and decided this wasn't working out, that my husband just dosen't want to make things work, although he says he does, he is just unwilling to put any effort into the marriage. He is all talk no action. So I told him it wasn't working out and he got really mad and drove away and left me at the counselors office and told me to walk home, I haven't heard from him since, that was 2 wks ago, he also said some really horrible things to me. I think getting a divorce would be the best thing because like usual he doesn't want to work at anything or for anything. My husband has taken alot from me emotionally and financially, I have finally drawn a line, but it is just so hard to do. How do I know I am really making the right decision and why does it feel so bad? Everyone I talk to thinks I am making the right decision but I can't help but feel unsure of myself, maybe because we have been together for such a long time, 10 yrs. But he has betrayed my trust, disrespected me and abused me so why am I so hesitant? How could I ever get past what he has done to me to even think about giving him another chance? any advice would be greatly appreciated I feel so alone and confused. Thank you in advance

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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-16-2010, 01:38 AM
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Re: Why is this so hard? please help

He sent you his message already 'kissycupcake'..telling you to walk home,gone for 2 weeks..and saying 'horrible' things to you..sounds like he definitely has anger issues..and after 10 yrs and you actually seeking MC for you both shows that you have tried and he has lied...time to fly the coop,work on yourself,going through all those painful emotions..but you have your support group of friends to help you through it...and think about what is at the end of the painful tunnel..heck you're already half way in it as it is...it sucks when 1 person wants it to work out and the other doesn't..take it from 1 who knows (me)..we can't change anyone but ourselves no matter how much we want to believe we can...I wish my wife had wanted to at least go to MC..now I could care less and we have only been separated 3 mos....17yrs married and 2 daughters 9 and 11..I get stronger everyday...good luck.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-16-2010, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Re: Why is this so hard? please help

Thanks 2Daughters, I know your right but I can't help but feel like maybe I did something wrong and maybe I should of given him more time. I guess I just can't understand how he could just forget about me so easily. I was hoping maybe that when he heard divorce maybe he would wake up and realize I meant buisness. I know this is what I have to do but why does it have to feel so painful. I just thought we were meant to be. because when dating he was so good to me and once we got married it was like a switch went off, he was a completely different person. I just wish I could have the first guy back. Thanks again.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 09:31 AM
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Re: Why is this so hard? please help

Reading your post is the exact same way I feel. No effort from her to try anymore after being separated for three months.

I finally sent my wife a letter telling her that if she didn't want me she could move on. I can no longer put myself in a position for more pain and disappointment. I was hoping she would start to give a d@m#
She responded that she wanted a week to think about it. A week !!!!???

LIke a fool, I told her we will talk in a week. I'm telling myself that it's over so I won't expect anything. I'm also planning on getting a financial agreement signed by her IF she does contact me. I'm to the point that it's over but I still need to accept it. I'm thinking she can't stand but to end it on her terms.


Good luck to you kissycupcake. I'm still there to a certain extent but it's getting to the point that I don't want this anymore.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 05-18-2010, 11:34 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 40
Re: Why is this so hard? please help

Thanks Tryinhard, I really thought I was ready to move on without him but, now that I know he doesn't want anything to do with me. It hurts more than anything, I can't stop crying and all I want to do is call him, maybe its because I don't have the comfort of knowing he is there. I just wish he would call me then maybe we could talk things over, I want to call him but why do I always have to put the effort in. When we were seperated he would always call me but he couldn't understand that I just needed time, I think he pushed me away by suffocating me. Maybe I just wish he would change,but he won't. I just wish there wasn't so much pain, I do still care about him,but maybe he doesn't care about me since he hasn't called me or anything I don't know. whatever. Best of luck to you. Thanks
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