My wife and I have been married for six years, would be seven this October. In March she said she was ready for a divorce, that she has been a robot in our marriage for a few years. Last thursday she informed me she wanted a separation. She left Friday...I got the pannickies....i cancelled my direct deposit into our joint account the Thursday she told me she was going to leave...I honestly wanted her to realize that it was going to be tough out there without me...
When I came home from work Friday her stuff was GONE!! Lets just say that Kettle One and I got very acquainted that night. I called up my best friend and told him the situation. He is a REAL good friend and told me that I didnt treat my wife like she was special. My wife cooked, cleaned, did the grocery shopping, and paid ALL the bills ( with joint $$). She would routinely ask for help, and all I would do is sit on the couch.
After that conversation with my friend and seeing all her stuff gone..I knew she meant business. Thats when reality hit home...she's gone...
Good news is I called her that night and told her that I understood what she meant now..and that I was sincerly sorry for my actions. 4 minute conversation, didnt go blabbering on at all.
The next morning she text me at like 7:30 am in the morning...we had a few exchanges..nothing about US only the kids....
I then wrote her a hand written letter explaining how I agreed with the separation, that we both needed sometime to figure out where to go from here.
Things have been ok so far, but we havent spoke via phone, just random texts about the kids.
Today I spoke to a friend of mine, who spoke to her the night she left, she said some very harsh things about me, some of which I have already heard before. But it really hurt hearing those things coming from another third party person. Especially since he is one of my best friends.
- That she isnt attracted to me anymore.
That she is no longer in love with me.
That she has been robot for a very long time.
However she also goes on to say that she isn't ready to file for a divorce, instead she is staying with her parents while I'm here at our home.
Im really confused by her words and actions. I always thought if a woman was done she would simply tell you and that would be that.
It's very confusing there are times when she initiates contact, when there is nothing really urgent about the matter. But then there are times where she appears to be rude. Her moods are REALLY hard to follow right now...maybe with time apart it will get easier.
Bottom line is I have come to the conclusion, that while she is gone I'm working on being a better help mate inside the home. I have already learned how to do the laundry, and agreed to cook at least once a week. These were her major complaints about feeling neglected, and yes I admit I was neglecting her needs.
Now for the hard part. I commend her for standing up for what she wants out of her life, but has she truly considered how "I" feel? The simple answer is no. Right now she is living in a "ME FIRST" world. That has got to change before we could even begin seeing each other again.
The bad part is...she doesnt think she has anything to work on. She is sitting over her parents house happy as a lark cause she doesn't have to "take care" of me or the kids. Yeah I start to resent that.
Question: How do you keep from reading to much into a text message? When you say "goodnight sweetie sweet dreams", and you get a reply "same to you" that to me seems ingenuine and a blow off....she hasnt talked about us or her feelings regarding the breakup.
She did tell me when the all first began that this was going to be for either 2 or 3 months. She wanted to make sure she was sure before she filed for divorce. She went on to tell me that she didnt want a divorce and that she wsnt leaving me...but then moved out....
Ok so now I am completely confused. and I don't dare talk to her about how I'm really feeling. After all if I show her "how much I love her" or send crazy amounts of text messages. thats just going to backfire and drive her farther away...
Truth is..this shook me...I'm lonely and scared..and I need help...I've got some good friends..and they are there for me...but its the worst trying to sleep in our bed..looking at her side wishing she was there...sometimes I simply dread coming home!!