I want you to tell me you love me so I can tell you I don't

cmf · 05-31-2010, 09:39 AM

That sonds encouraging.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 01:07 PM

cmf it was BUT I am not letting myself try to make anymore of it then it was a nice conversation and a hug with him saying he missed me sometimes. If I try to dissect it and figure it all out I will just drive myself crazy lol

Part of me wants to run to him and tell him I miss him too and even go to the game together but then part of me wonders if honestly it is the best idea? I know we were talking about the 4th of July and where we wanted to bring the boys and he was almost talking as if we were going together. I have no problem with this but I also wonder if I am setting myself up to be hurt again too.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 01:13 PM

Oh, when H asked me about the game I said I didn't want to intrude with time with the boys and he told me that he was inviting me so I shouldn't think that way.

cmf · 05-31-2010, 01:18 PM

check out my post on the infidelity thread-after the feedback I received, I am going to stop doing things with them.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 01:21 PM

cmf I just did... I think we are in a very similar and painful boat

We have not done anything together yet, well other then go look at daycares. I am scared if I start to do things it will could maybe back fire in my face. I am scared it will make him think that it is OK what he has done and that he can still play house with me when ever he wants too.

I don't want to punish our children in all of this but I have to look out for there mom's best interest too.

cmf · 05-31-2010, 03:24 PM

I agree. I mistakenly thought it was a sign he wanted to spend time with me.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 07:33 PM

I think it is something that can easily be seen as a 'sign' that is why I am honestly debating on not doing it. He is all over with his emotions right now and it is very apparent and right now I am in a very very important step to healing myself and I just cant put myself there with him if he is just going to play with my emotions like he has been for over a month. I am NOT willing to take a HUGE step backwards.

cmf · 05-31-2010, 07:53 PM

My Husbands emotions have been all over the place this past month too- he has brought up the one baseball game we attended 2 weeks ago like 5 times saying how much fun he had, he had been making an effort to be friendly and rational with me for almost 2 weeks this month too. Now he is back to irrational anger and demands. I am going no contact, no more outings together.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 08:14 PM

I think this is honestly for the best right now cmf

I fear that I am going to have to do the same thing. My H is being very nice right now but I have this bad feeling it is going to back fire. I think he is beginning to realize the reality of the whole situation and I am scared he might lash out on me because of it.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 09:58 PM

Well I just got done with a 'texting conversation' with him that he initiated and he is either starting to see a lot of things or is a complete narcissist and is fully trying to hurt me and is getting off on playing mind games with me. I am scared it just might be the last one because he THINKS the ball is completely in his court. I am going to back off I think even more then I already am because I am really getting scared it might be the latter....

If he is seeing things and is truly wanting to work on himself and our family he will come to me.

cmf · 05-31-2010, 10:35 PM

I agree. My husband called earlier, spoke to our son and set up plans for tomorrow without even speaking to me about them- we had a temporary visitation plan for this week and he knows it did not include Tuesday. I am thinking we will not be around for his plans. I get the impression my husband also feels he is running the show.

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 10:46 PM

It really freaks me out because he has never been a game player and if anything was far from that, but it was life the last 1.5 months he got pretty good at it

It is very disturbing to me it is not making me want him more if anything it is terrifying me and I am sincerely worried about him. It is really unhealthy BUT I wont let him drag me into the misery he is creating for himself....sorry but I wont let that happen.

cmf · 05-31-2010, 10:54 PM

It must be the affair"fog". My husband is a completely different person now. I just want to settle support and visitation and try not to think about it for awhile. I have been warned that when the reality sets in and the fog starts to lift- watch out!

finallyseewhy · 05-31-2010, 11:03 PM

the strange thing is it was just an EA and it was pretty much all him not the other women. It was just a co-worker he was lying to me about talking to and meeting with. I think he really thought it was going to go somewhere and it didn't....well at least it hasn't that I know of.

I think the reality is setting in and it is scaring him and he is almost freaking out and being combative. Well it is not getting him anywhere its just making him look really angry and mean. I can understand being hurt....I get that but he is being out of line. He messed with my mind/heart so much the month before he left it is shocking he thinks he CAN play these games.

Neverwouldhave guessed · 06-01-2010, 09:02 AM

finallyseewhy and cmf - I swear the same evil twin lurks in our husbands! Saw mine briefly last night and for the first time I really wanted him to LEAVE. Asked myself what I ever saw in him (23 years ago.) I see him starting to suffer the consequences; legally, financially and with me & our two teenagers. cmf - what did you mean by when the fog lifts "watch out?" I think the fog is beginning to lift, and wonder (probably too much) what is next. I hate having to question his words and actions as being either authentic or manipulative. I seriously did not sign up for this emotional drain...