finallyseewhy

I actually did confort the OW....which made him extremely mad and humiliated. I can say that I believe in my heart it was very one sided and she was honestly in disbelief and went as far to tell me she would happily print up phone records to show who calls/text who and to ask anyone I want she was not interested. She even told me she would of done the same thing and then went on to till me about who her H cheated and she would never do that to another person.

I am going to talk with my Mom tonight it is going to be hard and I am going to try to not put too much details in it yet but I need to let her know.

I want my family back desperately but I am beginning to almost come to the realization that it just may not happen. H just texted me again asking what I could do and he doesn't think he can be with me in a relationship because I have destroyed him emotionally...which I have over the years. But he has also me I told him I believed I could be there for him emotionally but I would not push him.

I am going to take a turn and just almost 'let go' I am going to just work on myself it is honestly the only thing I can do right now. I almost feel like I have went backwards on my own progress right now. I am beginning to realized that it just may be over and for good and I have to get myself in a good situation and fast. I really don't have time to mess around to be honest. I don't have time to worrying about what he is doing and who with. I have to get myself mentally healthy and also find a job and transition from a SAHM to a working one. I don't have much time and I am wasting precious time.

cmf

FSW- I am right there with you. I'm pretty controlling too, I want my H to react the way I think he should , do the things I think he should . When he doesn't I am upset, disappointed and angry. Lord knows he has issues , but I cant make him better himself unless it matters to him. I'm having a hard time waiting this out too. I am just staying focused on protecting the kids and I and moving forward with getting support and custody/visitation filed with the courts. If he truly wants what he says he does, he'll make the effort. I cant force the issue as much as I want to- because it wont work and would probably do just the opposite. His mood swings right now are difficult, but work and the kids keep me busy. Your H sounds pretty up and down too. It was hard for me too with the money my H was wasting, but I finally let it go a few months ago and he will have to deal with it. My accounts are all separate and it's his problem. The courts will deal with him on the money he owes for support, I had to let that go too. It's hard and unfair You are very strong and capable. Both of us have our children with us and if our Husbands want to miss out on watching them grow up and sharing in their lives it is truly their loss. Our children will remember who was there for them and set a good example. Please let your family know so they can offer support, I dont know what I would have done without my family.

2Daughters

Don't beat yourself up anymore 'fsw'..you have done that enough!!..he sounds like my wife, in that he seems to say to the same reasons over and over for not wanting to get back..either that is their actual reason or there is an outside influence involved..he has in his head how he feels..you can't change that until you change..and it isn't going to happen overnight, it isn't going to be someone else making you change..it is not a change where you become another person, but a change in attitude about how you react to situations and how you wrap your mind around situations..like when he says "you done to much damage to me emotionally"..instead of telling him you can be there for him (which is never going to work)..you might try.."you know what?..you're right..I have been thinking about that and I am no good for you as I was, but I am going to change and if you're there great and if not that's great also."

finallyseewhy

I like that but do you think he will see me as saying this as being a *****? Honestly it is how I feel right now.

2Daughters

see..already you are wondering WHAT HE WILL THINK!!!!..he has shown you what he thinks already in his actions, his words..it took me awhile to get that through my head...this is the case where actions do speak louder than any words.

finallyseewhy

OMGosh your right Seriously this is why I am so messed up right now!!!

But honestly do you think it is bitc*y or just straight forward?

2Daughters

Does it really matter if it is either one of those?..honestly, would it matter?..I think not..the current pattern you are using is not making any headway and in fact it is keeping you from moving forward..even if you have to 'fake it till you make it' KWIM
maybe it will be 'nano' steps at a time forward, but forward none the less...I think you have it in you to be just as strong without reacting to him and to start acting for yourself.

Remember, it took awhile to get to the place you are in..it is going to take awhile to get out and over it.

turnera

Some great advice today...

I think the key thing of today's advice is...STOP thinking about him and START thinking about what is right for YOU, whether he comes home or not. Every conversation you have with him, let it be only about what YOU need in your life. Not what he needs to do or what you need from him...what matters to you.

finallyseewhy

Well I sent him a text very similar to what 2daughters said but a modified and I feel really good about it. I feel like I said what I needed too and we are know on somewhat of a even playing field. I am going to move on and just work on myself it is what I have to do and the last almost 6 weeks I have been working on myself BUT hindering it by reacting to every move he made. I wont my family but more then anything but right now I have to focus on making myself whole again. I can't continue to worry that he is not.

He responded 'OK' and I didn't text back. I have to move forward with myself I can not let this break me....

finallyseewhy

Well today he was going to pick up the kids but he was really tried and asked if he could do it a little later(he is working a really strange schedule this week) I told him if he was tried that I would rather have him get some sleep and told him to good night and he texted back thanks and told me good night.....which was nice because I have told him this several times gnight and he usually never texts back.

I sort of just wanted to 'see' him today so it probably is better that he didn't come this morning because I would of probably thrown myself in his arms. I miss his touch. I know that probably sounds pathetic but I miss it so much.

finallyseewhy

I am so ****ing sick right now what I 'think' I might of saw....seriously this day just needs to end.

finallyseewhy

OK, that was sort of a vent I am just so emotional right now and honestly just need to take a step back but am having an unbelievably hard time doing it when I am home with 2 little kids and no place to go and feel like a failure of a mother and wife....really just a person as a whole. I don't even know what I am going to do after August and I am just scared.

2Daughters

fsw...focus on the boys and take it hour by hour..sorry you're going through this..hopefully you've reached a point where you can level off and think clearly instead of emotionally..remember you have your family you can and must turn to if you need it.

turnera

You need to spend some time this weekend with family or friends. Seriously.

finallyseewhy

I think what makes the hardest is I am seriously alone where we live all my friends and family is several states away. I talk to them online a lot but it is not the same. I started being a SAHM a few years ago and wouldn't change it but also pretty much diminished my social life. The people I do know are his friends and that is not happening.

I asked him after this happen to be able to go back home for awhile with the kids and he freaked out and pretty much told me there was NO way he was allowing the kids to leave. I think he was scared I wouldn't come back He also didn't want to be away from them. He is very very active in their lives and still sees them pretty much everyday.