With every day of this separation I am learning/seeing new things from H and honestly it makes me so ****ing sad & disgusted. The last 2 days a lot has been said and pretty much everything on the table. It was not a fight or even a argument and was a pretty blunt and positive discussion.
To say the least things went to a place they shouldn't and this was how we started talking. Pretty much he started asking me if I still loved him and why I seemed so stand offish and a bunch of other things that almost made me feel like he missed me
Well I feel for the bait and told him I did miss him/loved him that I wasn't trying to come off as stand offish I was just having the kids ready when he came over or get them from the car so he didn't have to get out....I was trying to help and make it easier. Well as we were talking he kept asking me how I had changed and how I seemed so happy and if I missed him ect. Pretty much EVERYTHING and ANYTHING you can imagine a person would be saying if they missed you too
Well then he ask me to tell him that I love him as he is holding me.
THEN he tells me he doesn't love me anymore
and just can't live with me but wishes I could work something out with him when it comes to $$$ to make it easier for him!!!
Then he goes the conversation goes on and he makes the comment, 'I know I could come back and have you if I wanted'
Well I look him right in the eye and say, 'Your pretty sure of yourself aren't you?? Your being extremely ****y and I don't think you KNOW what you could do!' Then with a very confusing look he says well I thought you wanted me back and I told him that I wanted the old him back but he had shown me a side of him the last few months that has been horrible and that I wont go back to living the way I was with him. That I had always put him up on a pedestal and built him up to be this amazing person and I guess the higher up the pedestal the harder they fall.
I had thought he was manipulating me for the last few weeks and I got all the confirmation I have needed. I told him I had forgiven him for everything he had done to me but I was doing that for MYSELF because I wont sit here and be mad at him....it is not worth it for me. I think it is just freaking lovely he completely betrays me with another OW or a friend as he calls it and he thinks the ball is in his ****ing court....well I guess it was I was willing to fight for him and this family and he just doesn't give a ****!
I told him that if he wanted to run around and thought he could never love me again he needed to file for divorce and let me go. Then he sort of snorted and said he couldn't afford it and thought I wanted to stay on his insurance. Well sorry hunny the self respect is worth to much for that.
I wanted desperately for this family to work I was willing to do pretty much ANYTHING but honestly how much am I suppose to take
What is wrong with him?? I feel like I let myself become a victim in all of this and never again
I don't understand where all this ugliness is coming from with him. I know he says he isn't trying/wanting to hurt me but I really am having a hard time believing that. I have not been mean if anything I have been calm/polite/sweet and with that I almost feel like I am getting screwed because of that.