Letter of a broken man-seperated but in love still wife!! - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-12-2010, 04:47 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy Letter of a broken man-seperated but in love still wife!!

This is my first time of forums so please bear with me… researching ways to save my marriage has brought me to this website and I am in such a desperate need for advice or just somewhere to just vent. Where to start? there are so many thoughts running through my mind. First of I am so in love with my wife, and my two kids. Recently my wife said that we need to separate and my world just came crushing down. The word to me just sounds like doom, even though I have read that separation does save marriages I just feel so pressed for time. I have been in the NAVY for 10 years now and I have been away and missed so much of my families’ lives, this could not come at a worst time since we are deploying soon, 19 July for 8 months. This is the time where we can take to spend with our families, father’s day, son’s birthday, wife’s birthday, and a much needed 9 day vacation. God I feel like I ruined all this… why do I always mess things up? I love my wife so much, why do I take her for granted? I feel so hopeless from not knowing what to do. I understand that she wanted to separate due to her asking for change for the last 12 years and I have not given it to her. I’m so sorry. I feel like I am losing my wife and kids, the people that are the most important in my life. I am slowly going deeper and deeper into depression that will have to ask for an appointment for mental health and get some medication, I can’t do it anymore… I completely betrayed her trust, even though I can say I have never physically cheated on her, I did cheat on an emotionally level and I hurt her so badly. I don’t blame her for anything, it is my fault. I should not have said the things I said even though it was an angry vent email to a friend. Now that I am alone, I realize that I took her for granted so many years. Why? God I just want her back, I miss her, she is my precious, my one and only, my heart… I swear I will never take her for granted, all I have to do is remember this feeling I have, I never want to feel like this again… I have done so many things wrong to her, I have betrayed so much trust… how do I win her back? I said some rotten things, things out of anger, things I did not mean.. I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, best heart, best mom… we have so much to lose…a 12 year relationship, a nice and healthy family, a new house, a new business that she created and I have never given her the credit she deserves, even saving pit bulls together… God I miss her so much. I been going to Church, praying more, and talking to counselors twice a week. How do I get things back on track? At least before I deploy. I can’t be out that long with my foundation in life crumbling. Can someone please help me?

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-13-2010, 01:51 AM
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Re: Letter of a broken man-seperated but in love still wife!!

Hi louie,

I am also new to this forum and just want to share my views on the matter.

Firstly, not very clear of the reason your wife wanting a divorce but I beleieve simply coz you never changed. For some reason, she felt the past 12 years you never appreciated her sacrifice. Being the only one taking care of the kids and households, it takes a lot of effort physically and emotionally.

You are right for not willing to let her off and you should take all the effort to win her back. I do not think you wrote anything on effort that you did so far. Even if it means quitting the navy, you should consider that coz she needs her man right beside her. I believe there must have been some incident lately that made her just give up whole thing. 12 years had been miserable of handling matters by herself.

Think rationally the reason and think in depth what she wants and take effort wisely to win her back. Tell her how much she means to you, take vacation only 2 of you and reconcile things. Think about your kids and never let any third party interfere in your relationship.

Find the right method louie and you shall win her heart back. Good luck.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 06-13-2010, 01:47 PM
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Re: Letter of a broken man-seperated but in love still wife!!

This is just a generalization answer but in going off all the postings on this site it is the answer most argueably the right one...When a spouse (especially the wife) has reached a point of asking for a separation, even though she hasn't separated physically, emotionally she has already done so..and that is the hardest part to overcome..we all see our part in how unhappy our spouse is after the initial bomb drop..whatever her reasons may be, valid or not, they are her reasons and that makes them valid, you cannot change them at this moment and if ever..going to church can help YOURSELF..all you can do is help yourself...if she is seeing someone (not saying she is but most of the time that is the reason whether we want to believe it or not), then it could be awhile..it doesn't get easier but time will help..it is up to you to address whatever feelings and faults you have..I was married 17 yrs with 2 kids 9 and 11 when wife said same thing 3 months ago..you name the emotions I went through and I did..but I have worked on faults I have and even though she probably is never going to change her feelings I will be a better person in addressing mine..good luck, it sucks, gets easier, sucks again, gets easier..today was a down day for me after 2 weeks of ups but better than 90% down all the time like at the beggining..I never thought I would feel this stable 3 months ago.
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