Letter of a broken man-seperated but in love still wife!!
This is my first time of forums so please bear with me… researching ways to save my marriage has brought me to this website and I am in such a desperate need for advice or just somewhere to just vent. Where to start? there are so many thoughts running through my mind. First of I am so in love with my wife, and my two kids. Recently my wife said that we need to separate and my world just came crushing down. The word to me just sounds like doom, even though I have read that separation does save marriages I just feel so pressed for time. I have been in the NAVY for 10 years now and I have been away and missed so much of my families’ lives, this could not come at a worst time since we are deploying soon, 19 July for 8 months. This is the time where we can take to spend with our families, father’s day, son’s birthday, wife’s birthday, and a much needed 9 day vacation. God I feel like I ruined all this… why do I always mess things up? I love my wife so much, why do I take her for granted? I feel so hopeless from not knowing what to do. I understand that she wanted to separate due to her asking for change for the last 12 years and I have not given it to her. I’m so sorry. I feel like I am losing my wife and kids, the people that are the most important in my life. I am slowly going deeper and deeper into depression that will have to ask for an appointment for mental health and get some medication, I can’t do it anymore… I completely betrayed her trust, even though I can say I have never physically cheated on her, I did cheat on an emotionally level and I hurt her so badly. I don’t blame her for anything, it is my fault. I should not have said the things I said even though it was an angry vent email to a friend. Now that I am alone, I realize that I took her for granted so many years. Why? God I just want her back, I miss her, she is my precious, my one and only, my heart… I swear I will never take her for granted, all I have to do is remember this feeling I have, I never want to feel like this again… I have done so many things wrong to her, I have betrayed so much trust… how do I win her back? I said some rotten things, things out of anger, things I did not mean.. I think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, best heart, best mom… we have so much to lose…a 12 year relationship, a nice and healthy family, a new house, a new business that she created and I have never given her the credit she deserves, even saving pit bulls together… God I miss her so much. I been going to Church, praying more, and talking to counselors twice a week. How do I get things back on track? At least before I deploy. I can’t be out that long with my foundation in life crumbling. Can someone please help me?