I have been avoiding posting...I am totally broken. I am stuck in the sadness. Reading book isn't helping me, talking about it isn't helping me. Parts of me just want to get on a flight and go back and try to get her back, even after everything she has done. Then there are days where I would like to go and shout from the rough tops she is a cheat and a liar, just stuck being divorced sucks.
I have been avoiding posting...I am totally broken. I am stuck in the sadness. Reading book isn't helping me, talking about it isn't helping me. Parts of me just want to get on a flight and go back and try to get her back, even after everything she has done. Then there are days where I would like to go and shout from the rough tops she is a cheat and a liar, just stuck being divorced sucks.
That's how I feel too about my husband who in a week will be ex husband(cheater too)
I can't watch TV or read a book but talking to friends does help little bit. However I always hear the same thing: Be strong, you will be Ok. I think some of them don't want to hear about my problems too. I feel like I am hollow on the inside if you know what I mean. Maybe one day I will chuckle at all this but right now it is really tough. On top of everything I am flying down to Ct for the divorce date but I could not get any flights back that afternoon so I have to stay one more night in CT.
The pain is getting worse, I saw my wife's picture on FB. She looked amazing as always, and was partying like the old days. Posted herself and another girl in their Burning Man outfits, barely any clothes, absolutely gorgious. I wish Iwas still with her, even with all teh pain she caused me.
I always get depressed during the fall, this one is going to suck really bad. I feel like dying, divorce is the worst thing in the world, I thought her cheating was, but her not being my wife is much worse....praying for a good day soon.
ive read all the posts of the last pages looking for some sort of hope.... Facebook is a pain in the A** i saw pics of my ?? (dont even know what to call him anymore) and it hurt to see him having fun with family while im going through all the pain.. mine wasent a cheater he was an alcholic and abuser.
all i can say is this what dosent break us can only make us stronger so all the people who are on here can find hope that if it dosent break u it will make u a stronger person and everything happens for a reason, thats what gets me through it... but to be honest all ur going through im just starting so thank you for sharing
Distance from a situation is supposed to make easier...so they say. It makes it yougher for me, I am getting worse by the day not better. Bad thoughts enter my mind several times a day now, things I thougt I would never think, can't afford counselling anymore, can't afford anything these days. The first time in my life where I have worried about money, I mean really worried. I am so tired of it all, I wish I could close my eyes and never wake up again.
CNB, there are times in our life when we’re tortured with our thoughts about the past and the thoughts of our future. It is called depression. You sound like you are depressed. The word comes from the stooped shoulders and stooped head caused by our thoughts and the emotions associated with them, “depressed”.
This may sound crazy to you at the moment, but try it. I doubt that you can see the beauty of what is around you right now. In a way you need to wake up and smell the roses. Live in the moment and for the moment. Pick up a flower and study it, really look at one of natures wonders. Pick up a seed and look at the plant created by the seed and think of natures wonder. How did that seed turn into a plant, or a tree? Walk through a park and “see” it. See the grass and touch the trees and everything else there. It’s called “The Power of Now”. While you’re doing these things put a smile on your face, it will make you feel better.
At one time I’d forgotten the beauty of the world around me. Now I’m in awe of different colours in the sky, of sunsets and sun rises.
Thanks for the words, it is funny when I first read them I was in complete denial, me depressed no way. Then I started thinking about your advice, stop smell the roses. I started to feel like sh!t, thinking about how I wanted to be with her to do that, looking at the sky, mountains, trees, and thinking about or future together. The sadness I felt right them hit me like a ton of bricks, I was, or am pining for something that I will never have again, something that obviously I never had in the first place. I realized through your words, I was living in a world of sadness, a world I want out of, need out of. I went striaght to the gym in my hotel. Called a friend and made plans for the weekend. I admitted to myself and my friend that I was stressed, moving across the country, new career, and divorce within months of eachother.
Getting back on the horse isn't easy, but I know I have to ride again. I have spent so much time searching for what went wrong that I forgot nothing is wrong with me. Her issues not mine, she quit not me...she's running form life, not me. All things to remember, but most importantly I need to remember to live.
Well done CNB. I didn’t take the medication route out of it, went off on a bit of a spiritual journey. I found a lot I naturally agreed with in Buddhism. Learnt to meditate that sort of thing.
I think the most important things are exactly what you are doing. Exercise can truly lift us while at the same time get us fitter. Planning events in the future, a week, month, a year away is also very important as we’ve something to look forward to and things to do to get us there.
But it’s so important to enjoy the journey as well as the destination. I took up photography again, to get me “into the now”, into the moment of the day and see what it is that’s around me.
In a while you will come to accept what has happened. If you’re like me you’ll not put any more importance on the what’s and why fors. They’ll lose their significance. Then you’ll find there’ll be others tapping gently on your door and you’ll know when you’re ready to let them in.
Distance from a situation is supposed to make easier...so they say. It makes it yougher for me, I am getting worse by the day not better. Bad thoughts enter my mind several times a day now, things I thougt I would never think, can't afford counselling anymore, can't afford anything these days. The first time in my life where I have worried about money, I mean really worried. I am so tired of it all, I wish I could close my eyes and never wake up again.
Don't think that way, the best thing in your life could be right around the corner. Use the pain and hurt to become more aware of your true potential and what you can accomplish.
Thanks for the support, but the hopelessness still seems to creep in everyday. I have a friend, who is going through a divorce as well, and we talk everyday. She has been a blessing in many ways, but she lives across the country, my home town. More importantly she is not my X, who I am still in love with, deeply. I just don't know anymore. I can't focus on work, living anything...I know it is worse now then when everything started.
I am beginning to second guess my decision of granting her wish for the divorce, not confronting the affair right out of the gate. I wish I forced the issue of looking into herself, instead of running from herself. Just don't know.
I have realized that I was a man that lived to work, to make money, do anything and everything I wanted; then I met and married her. She became my focus and still is my focus. I know it is a bit unhealthy, I just know.
I have been trying to open myself to others, but she keeps coming into my mind.
The nightmares have gotten worse over the last two weeks, what does that mean?
I truly understand the saying, Dieing from a broken heart.
CNB, i was in that stage 3 years ago and beleive i attempted suicide 2 times but never a success, life has no meaning and I don't undertsnad what is Gods purpose for making me suffer, but you know God has a better plan for you, you may not understand now but wait patiently and it will come... I am a living proof of God given grace, i barely survive at that time, with out my kids i'm gone..i am happy and I survived, i never knew how much burden my x husband is until I am on my own
Anna - thanks for the kind words...I am glad that you are doing better now. Being strong and there for kids is a great thing, you have a lot of great life to lead from here.
I know that my life will work out, it always does...I know that the pain will go away...it is already starting to get easier since I last posted.
In posts long ago, I mentioned that I was talking to a friend that was going through a divorce as well, she is still in my home town. Our friendship had evolved into a physical relationship and we speak daily, it has helped a great deal. she is a good person, for she lets me pine over my X. she tells me to go on dating websites, tells me that I have more work to do. She is a great person, a person helping get over the pain, and see the the future, where ever it may take me. It is nice thing, but the distance is brutal, but also helpful, for I have to deal with everything alone in most respects.
I am still having a tough time being around all my married friends here, but what can you do.
I have also realized, no disrespect intended, but woman are crazy...another female friend has proven it to me through her actions. We have had a long complicated relationship, but never dated, or slept together, yet we have always been close. Confided in one another about our lives, marriages, and my divorce, she knows more about me than most other people. Long story short, she is not talking to me any longer because I have formed a friendship with the another female, and that our last few conversations were about her not me since I have felt like I was complaining about my life, my X. I also haven't talked to her as much, she is married and I am now single, it isn't very appropiate for me to talk to her about all of those things any longer right?
That is the question now, how close can you be with people of the opposite sex if you are single and they are married. When I was married the lines were clear, I had friend that I could bounce things off of to get a married womans perspective. Now I don't want ot step on another mans toes. Does that make sense...think I a rambling now.
That is the question now, how close can you be with people of the opposite sex if you are single and they are married. When I was married the lines were clear, I had friend that I could bounce things off of to get a married womans perspective. Now I don't want ot step on another mans toes. Does that make sense...think I a rambling now.
It does make a heck of a lot of sense. I’m more or less in the same boat as yourself, a single guy amongst married friends. There’s one friend where there’s a strong mutual attraction and she started to confide in me. The body language between the two of us is clear and I find exceptional difficult to hide. It’s like it happens naturally and it’s two way. So I just stay away most of the time and only see them occasionally. The husband said we don’t see you so much these days. He’s a wise, worldly man and I think he knows and appreciates what I’m doing.
Getting weirder by the day...I went out for the first time in my knew home, with new friends. Some married and some single, I had a great time, but also left feeling hopeless. I watched married women forget they were married, act like the were single. Even a married one I know, was getting a little to close to me. I just don't know what the hell is going on in the world today.
All I want is to hear I love you from someone who means it, a person that knows the difference between fantacies and reality. Keep them in you mind, but not in you flesh, reality.
Trying to get out there just makes everything worse. I think about my X everytime I try to forget about her and do things for myself. Like I was fit for both of us, I earned for both of us, I wanted for both of us...sadly still do. I am still madly inlove with her. Someday I hope it goes away.
What I have to say may sound harsh. That is not my intention. I have no wish to make you feel worse. What I do wish is that you can free yourself from this self-inflicted torture and find your way back to happiness, for you, by you.
You aren't in love with her Bob, you're addicted to her. You are addicted to what she represents, not who she is.
She doesn't love you. She hurt you ... deeply. The woman you fell in love with doesn't exist any more. There is
nothing positive that she can, will, or wants to contribute to your life any longer.
But you are keeping that version of her alive in your mind. That is what you anguish over.
No human being should ever have that much power over you. Not ever. Especially not one that has betrayed you.
She is no longer responsible for your happiness, or for that matter, your sadness. It's yours. You own it.
Stop choosing to give her power to hurt you. Take your life back for you. There is a difference between grieving a loss and using it as a blanket to smother yourself with.
Stop thinking of her in terms of this angel of happiness that you lost and now your life will never be the same.
The better analogy is that she is more like a drug that is destroying your life and your sense of self. She's like
an addiction and you truly need to start looking at it that way, and find a way to kick it.
I'm not criticizing you. I appreciate that you share the way you are feeling. I went through this too.
Once I stopped looking at her as an ideal, and acknowledged that she is a person - and a damaged one at that, the ideal just didn't fit any more.
I've moved on. Took many, many, months, lots of mixed messages and confusion. But I let her go, and have found happiness - lots of it, on the other side.
Re: Will the lies get worse? 
Re: Will the lies get worse? 
