Re: My wife left me and filed for divorce
Elmo, I am very sorry that you are in such pain and are being treated so hatefully by your W. Emotionally healthy women do not behave that coldly and vindictively. She has been heartless in the way she abandoned you and denied you access to your step daughter. It is hard to believe that level of meanness is due to hormones or depression alone, i.e., that following the cancer surgery last year.
Usually, when someone is that spiteful and vindictive, it is due to a personality disorder that she has had since early childhood. I say this because a PD can distort their perceptions of a spouse's intentions, allowing them to perceive him as a devil. Simply stated, any woman with a thought disorder can perceive you to be Hitler and will treat you accordingly. PDs usually start showing themselves in late adolescence. If that is the case, however, there must have been some signs of difficulties after the first six months of courtship ended. Please tell us more about how she behaved for most of six years -- that is, before everything got worse in June of last year. And please tell us if she has ever been treated by a psychologist.
Edit: I just noticed that you've started several other threads where you provide a little more information. You say there that there were few fights up until two years ago. You also say, however, that she has been accusing you of awful things over the past two years. What things, specifically? I ask because, if your W has a PD, she likely is projecting onto you what is going on in her own mind. That is, if she has been verbally abusive, she refuses to own up to it, instead choosing to believe that you are the verbally abusive one.
And if she has been carrying on an emotional affair with the old classmate, it would not be surprising for her to suddenly start believing that you are the unfaithful one. Projection of that nature works to eliminate guilt only because it is done subconsciously, allowing her to believe the outrageous accusations. My exW, for example, truly believes that I am a frequent liar and violent person (i.e., her characteristics projected onto me).
Last edited by Uptown; 07-10-2010 at 06:28 PM.