whynotme

I just posted on another thread, because the person's story spoke to me. But it brought up my own anger about what I've lost. I am newly divorced (about 2 weeks) but have been separated since early 2009. My ex was emotionally abusive, controlling and threatened me with physical abuse.

I am going through the, "How could I have been so stupid? How do I stop this from ever happening again? Why did I let this happen to me? Will I ever be okay again? Will I always punish other people for this episode in my life?"

I'm isolating on purpose, in my house...my way of coping. I'm a Christian, so I am turning to the Lord in my time of trouble, but I know He didn't want me to get closer to Him this way. Not THIS way.

Well, I have good days and bad days, and sometimes the bad days are just bad. Or the bad hours. Or the bad minutes. Or the triggers. Time to go veg out and calm down.

skinman

Hello whynotme,

Your post sounded so much like me in many ways. The anger and bitterness for what my ex did to me and our family..How could I have allowed her to do the things she did ??.. The only answer I can think of is there was a reason she came into my life. I had lessons that needed to be learned before I could really accept myself and be happy. People come into our lives for a reason and its usually something we need at that time. I believe everything happens for a reason... Accept what happened and move on.. "I know easier said than done" same thing for me. I was stubburn and held onto the bitterness and anger.. In the end it didnt change a thing, she was gone and I was alone...

I learned to love myself, trust my instincts something I should have done when I met her... Use this as a leraning experience, practice patience, forgiveness.. not so much for him but for yourself.. Pray for him if your the Christian that you say.. This time will pas quickly if you allow it... The bitterness and anger do more harm to you than them....

I'm sure you know the "Serenity Prayer"... say that to your yourself each day and know that it will get better...... best wishes to you.....

Skin........

InAPickle

As far as the part I highlighted in red goes, I just want to tell you that I truly feel that this IS a way in which he does want you to get closer to him. He will get you through it - it will be tough, but He will. There is no right way or wrong way to get close to Him if you're a believer. Do whatever you can to STAY close to Him. It will help you heal, help you sustain a strong faith and maybe have a closer relationship with the Lord than you ever thought possible!

Hang in there and let yourself feel these feelings. They're natural and normal and part of the whole grieving process. Allow yourself to experience them so that you can move on to the next stages.

You'll be in my prayers.