Originally Posted by everantisocial View Post
really confused and mixed up at the moment...
2 people I know that were left by the partners around the same time I was are already seeing new people,yet I feel so far away from being even ready to think about someone else. At the moment I can't even think of anyone replacing my ex and anyway I'm not prepared to see anyone while I know that if my ex turned up on the door step I would take him back immediately...it wouldn't be fair to anyone to try and live up to a fantasy and be second best. How come they are already healthy enough to date again and 7 months on thinking about him still has the ability to make me cry?
You've answered your own question. Until you are at the point where you'd NEVER take your husband back and are content and comfortable being alone you can't possibly be in a position to share your heart and trust someone else. It wouldn't be fair to you or the person you were to get involved in. IMO far too many people rush from a broken relationship into a new one and then wonder why it's not the band aid and cure-all they thought it was be. The WORST advice given to you here is to "get a boyfriend". It's obvious that you aren't even close to getting to that point yet and you might never get there, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
Rebound relationships don't tend to work out. I started dating my husband too soon after breaking up with a man who I was engaged to marry six weeks before our wedding. I knew it was too soon and my husband did too but he desperately wanted me (we were friends for 9 years) and I was desperate to turn our friendship into the type of relationship I missed.
It was a decision that I came to regret and has cast a long shadow on our marriage. I often regretted not waiting until I felt "whole" and comfortable in my own skin, at being able to like being with myself, instead of running to another person. Over the years I've often wondered "What if" with regards to staying single. The single life seems to suit me in so many ways but I was so desperate at one point to be with someone else because I was so messed up within myself. You have to be a whole person and liking yourself before you can give to another person.
Your husband has cursed himself by jumping from you to another relationship right away. I think he's at the point where he's starting to realize that the new relationship isn't perfect either and may be remembering the good times you had in your marriage..hence the texts and the dropping by to give you your old stuff. You are doing well to avoid him. Only when you can heal and he is ready to repent can you even consider taking him back and I wouldn't go near him until you go to counseling either alone and/or with him. Please look into counseling if you haven't already.
With your husband, you need to stand back and call the shots. I see you are starting to get there. As I read this thread you seem to be evolving into a much stronger person with regards to accepting and dealing with your husband. My heart goes out to you. You were married to this man for 2/3 of your life and he betrayed you in the worst possible way. You seem to be doing well, all things considered.
I hope you have followed through on learning to drive. In this day and age I can't imagine not driving. You've used some terms which lead me to believe you live in Great Britain, so maybe things are different there because here in the U.S. everyone drives. It's not just your car, it's your freedom.