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Old 01-08-2011, 06:59 AM   #61 (permalink)
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Haven't heard from him since early Nov, when I asked him not to contact me. Got a card from his mum at Christmas but the rest of his family have dropped me.

I still miss everything about him, its a physical ache but its not ruling my life, I'm getting by. Work is busy, I walk the dog a lot. I go to a dance class. But he has started to get into my dreams. Nearly every night I play out scenes where he cruel to me either in front of others or just replaying the sort of stuff I went through at the break up. I wake up with a cloud hanging over me. 6 months on I still find it all so draining.
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Old 01-20-2011, 04:57 PM   #62 (permalink)
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really confused and mixed up at the moment...

2 people I know that were left by the partners around the same time I was are already seeing new people,yet I feel so far away from being even ready to think about someone else. At the moment I can't even think of anyone replacing my ex and anyway I'm not prepared to see anyone while I know that if my ex turned up on the door step I would take him back immediately...it wouldn't be fair to anyone to try and live up to a fantasy and be second best. How come they are already healthy enough to date again and 7 months on thinking about him still has the ability to make me cry?

The other thing that is making me crazy is that I was talking to some friends at work and we were talking about the fact my ex said he would send divorce papers in the new year, I know it's petty but I have been thinking I want him to admit he committed adultery and with who (I presume you do that) rather than him get away with saying it was a mutual decision...I know it won't change things but it would make me feel he has acknowledged his part in this. Anyway, my friend said people had been talking, and everyone was amazed by how well I had coped with the whole situation and that if there was an award for coping with separation I deserved it...yet I feel like I am just about keeping my head above water. I am get by day by day, but I'm not enjoying life, I miss him every moment of every day...I miss my old life with him. I am far from coping,I'm surviving...
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Old 01-20-2011, 05:55 PM   #63 (permalink)
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coping and surviving can be one and the same, getting by day by day is coping...moving forward is the tough part, letting go and building a new life is more than coping...

You can do it...it's just hard letting go!
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Old 01-23-2011, 01:47 AM   #64 (permalink)
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Do you go out much?
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Old 01-23-2011, 04:34 AM   #65 (permalink)
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I work full time, walk my dog 2/3 times a day, go to dance class once a week, just joined a craft group that meets once a month, must admit I probably don't go out socially to pubs as much as I could 2, 3 times a month but I am finding that kind of situation really hard at the moment, not done it on my own for a long time and now I'm relying on one income I don't have the cash to on nights out.
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Old 01-23-2011, 06:29 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by everantisocial View Post
really confused and mixed up at the moment...

2 people I know that were left by the partners around the same time I was are already seeing new people,yet I feel so far away from being even ready to think about someone else. At the moment I can't even think of anyone replacing my ex and anyway I'm not prepared to see anyone while I know that if my ex turned up on the door step I would take him back immediately...it wouldn't be fair to anyone to try and live up to a fantasy and be second best. How come they are already healthy enough to date again and 7 months on thinking about him still has the ability to make me cry?
You've answered your own question. Until you are at the point where you'd NEVER take your husband back and are content and comfortable being alone you can't possibly be in a position to share your heart and trust someone else. It wouldn't be fair to you or the person you were to get involved in. IMO far too many people rush from a broken relationship into a new one and then wonder why it's not the band aid and cure-all they thought it was be. The WORST advice given to you here is to "get a boyfriend". It's obvious that you aren't even close to getting to that point yet and you might never get there, which is not necessarily a bad thing.

Rebound relationships don't tend to work out. I started dating my husband too soon after breaking up with a man who I was engaged to marry six weeks before our wedding. I knew it was too soon and my husband did too but he desperately wanted me (we were friends for 9 years) and I was desperate to turn our friendship into the type of relationship I missed.

It was a decision that I came to regret and has cast a long shadow on our marriage. I often regretted not waiting until I felt "whole" and comfortable in my own skin, at being able to like being with myself, instead of running to another person. Over the years I've often wondered "What if" with regards to staying single. The single life seems to suit me in so many ways but I was so desperate at one point to be with someone else because I was so messed up within myself. You have to be a whole person and liking yourself before you can give to another person.

Your husband has cursed himself by jumping from you to another relationship right away. I think he's at the point where he's starting to realize that the new relationship isn't perfect either and may be remembering the good times you had in your marriage..hence the texts and the dropping by to give you your old stuff. You are doing well to avoid him. Only when you can heal and he is ready to repent can you even consider taking him back and I wouldn't go near him until you go to counseling either alone and/or with him. Please look into counseling if you haven't already.

With your husband, you need to stand back and call the shots. I see you are starting to get there. As I read this thread you seem to be evolving into a much stronger person with regards to accepting and dealing with your husband. My heart goes out to you. You were married to this man for 2/3 of your life and he betrayed you in the worst possible way. You seem to be doing well, all things considered.

I hope you have followed through on learning to drive. In this day and age I can't imagine not driving. You've used some terms which lead me to believe you live in Great Britain, so maybe things are different there because here in the U.S. everyone drives. It's not just your car, it's your freedom.
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Old 01-25-2011, 03:00 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Still plugging away at the driving lessons, at the moment getting my license seems a long way off...I've lived in a big city all my adult life, so there was always public transport and my ex was a real petrol head so did all the driving and I got by, never really wanted to drive..partly doing it now because my ex never believed I would pass my test and I can't wait to be able to put the dog in the back of the car and take off somewhere whenever I want.

I still haven't heard anything from him, since I asked for no contact, actually have no idea where he living at the moment, whether he has moved across country or not. My gut feeling is that like everything else he has done he probably hasn't followed through on moving away and is in the house we shared with her. If he has moved he owes me cash that I can put towards a car...but would rather do without the cash than contact him. Had expected the divorce papers to appear by now, he said he would wait till after christmas but we are nearly into February....going on his recent behaviour he'll probably wait till valentine's day or my birthday to deliver them...
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Old 01-25-2011, 03:05 PM   #68 (permalink)
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First post wish it could be a happier one.

Sitting surrounded by boxes full of my life. Two weeks ago my darling husband, the love of my life told me he no longer loved me. If that wasn't enough, in the hours that followed I found out that he has been having a EA with his childhood sweetheart, who had contacted him over Facebook when she discovered her mother had a terminal illness. They then used the excuse of her mother's funeral to make it a PA. I discovered this via a series of emails from her deranged abusive husband, each of which got stranger and stranger. My husband was going to leave without telling me about her (and her 3 year old daughter - my husband never wanted children, in fact hates them and has told this woman he in no way wants to be a father to the child, even though they plan to live together as soon as possible). My life has collapsed but I still can't hate him, in fact we spent the first week grieving together, crying together, providing hugs, even carried on sharing a bed as neither of us wanted to be alone,

Then he went to visit her for the weekend, since then he has changed, he became a stranger, my gorgeous,caring, honest husband has become cold and unfeeling, he has flaunted his relationship with her - she rings/texts every 5 minutes. Arranged a life for her here - childminder etc, knowing I would find out. And has gone out of his way to be hurtful and cruel to me, the innocent party. He rushed me into finding a house, then after promising to support me (we live in the middle of nowhere and I don't drive), threw it back in my face calling me lazy and self centred for keeping him here. He accused me of not caring because I had been out having fun (avoiding coming home in truth) and he has listened to me on the phone and I sounded fine. He keeps telling how little he cares for me and hasn't for a long time (the amount of time, he claims to have not been in love with me keeps changing, getting longer and longer). All our family and friends are as much in shock as I am, however he claims he has 'friends' who are surprised he stayed this long, eventhough he won't tell me who these friends are.

I can't have been that blind,I know things had been different later (since about the time she got in touch funnily enough) but no one could have been unhappy for as long as he claims he has been and no one notice could they??

I love him so much, have done since the first time I saw him and until recently we have been best friends as well as married. I will miss him so much, I miss him already and still see him everyday. I leave on Thursday and will never see him again, I have written him a good bye letter saying for now I will be waiting for him.

Sorry it is so long, but I hurt so much
Im Sorry I feel for you Im going through the same thing
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Old 02-08-2011, 01:20 PM   #69 (permalink)
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stupid,stupid, stupid, how can he still provoke this reaction in me.

He has just been to the house again, this time to put an envelope through the door with 2 old photos and a pen in it....

This time I was in when he dropped by,I heard the dog bark but didn't hear a knock...and now I feel crap again, to know he was that close, kinda confirms my theory that is still in the area and has bailed on moving away.
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Old 02-08-2011, 02:15 PM   #70 (permalink)
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OK it gets stranger...along with my old photos and the pen there is a small photo in a frame of a child on a beach, I have no idea who this child is....but....if you can be bothered to read back you'd find out that his new woman has a little girl....

He wouldn't would he? That would just be too cruel!!!
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Old 02-20-2011, 11:23 AM   #71 (permalink)
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His latest visit has set me back again.....

This time it's not what ifs or anger or bargaining, just a great sadness. Memories of happy times keep popping into my head and hitting me like a wave.

I presuming as he dropped the envelope off himself that he hasn't moved like he said he would. So now I have the worry again that I might run into them. I don't think I could deal with seeing him or them.

Then as if the universe was playing a huge joke on me, yesterday I got a letter of his redirected to me by mistake and he hasn't changed his name. We took each others names when we got married and I presumed by now he would have dropped mine but it seems he hasn't...don't know why that has affected me but it has.
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