Iím looking for some help and advice.
My partner and I have been together for over 2 years having left our previous marriages (it was her second marriage). I moved in with her and her 3 children, leaving my x-wife and 2 children (aged 14 & 18) after 21 years of marriage.
We have gone through some difficult times with both x partners trying their hardest to split us up but have survived the worst, or so I thought.
2 weeks ago we had a row regarding my commitment to the relationship. My children and my parents have not accepted my split from my x-wife (we are not divorced yet) and have refused to meet my new partner and this has now caused problems in my new relationship.
My new partner and her children mean everything to me and I love her with all of my heart and she knows that. But she has asked for me to give her time and space to get her head straight. I have had to move out and I am living with my parents, some 30 miles away. My parents have seen what effect this has had on me and accept that they are partly to blame. They have agreed to meet my partner and I have told her this.
I have found it difficult to give her the space as I love her so much and have sent her flowers and text messages to tell her how much I love her and miss her and I have told her that I am fully committed to our relationship whatever the cost, but I seem to be making it worse.
What makes it worse is that over the last 2 weeks she has been in contact with her husband (who lives only 2 miles away) and they have talked about what went wrong with their relationship and he has been supporting her during the last 2 weeks. Over the last two years he has been abusive and threatening and has upset my partner on a number of occasions. He filed for divorce 4 weeks ago on the grounds of being apart for 2 years and the papers have gone to court. He has a girlfriend, but he lives with his parents.
My partner has said that she wants time to get her head straight and after talking to her husband she feels guilty for all the hurt that she caused him and has thought about making it up to him as she feels that he has changed. He says that he doesnít want her back as he doesnít want to get hurt again and is in a new relationship. But he is also playing on her vunerable state and giving her mixed messages. Only 3 weeks ago he was threatening not paying maintenance and splitting her children up but now he is saying all the right things as I know that he still loves her. He has texted her and e-mailed her all through the time we have been together.
Although she wants space from me, she is still allowing her husband contact while she gets her head straight.
I just donít know what to do. She has told me not to give up on her but has demanded the space and time to find the part of her thatís missing but all the time I keep thinking that she is trying to resolve things with her husband, keeping me hanging on if it fails. She knows how I feel and desperately want to be back in her life but I just donít know what to do or how long I should give her. Help!!