Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

the EA was defintatley there....

the cut of from contact to me makes me believe the PA was there as well but I cant confirm it. although in 99.9% sure it was.

not that it matters to be honest.....

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post #32 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 10:44 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

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the EA was defintatley there....

the cut of from contact to me makes me believe the PA was there as well but I cant confirm it. although in 99.9% sure it was.

not that it matters to be honest.....
What difference does that 0.01% make?

When you make a decision, if you are more than 50% sure, do you go with it?

99.9% is a lot more than 50%.

And the sun will rise, dawn will break through the blackest night, distant in it's glow, this shall pass, be still and know.
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post #33 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 10:44 AM
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My breaking point was her saying IDLY and moving out. I went to my attorney the next day. Spent as much time needed to get everything filled out and filed. The attorney couldnt reach her process server the following day so I picked up the paperwork and bought lunch for 2 girls that work upstairs in exchange for them going down the street and serving her at work. Got it done asap is my advice. I guess my stbx smiled and said "that was fast."

I havent spoke to her about anything in 2 months.
What would be the point?

Get your stuff done asap and show her and yourswlf you dont NEED her in your life, and that now you no longer WANT her in your life!

I have gone straight NC, done the 180 religously. Dont know what or who she is doing, and I dont care.
I have 9 months of IC under my belt, gone through anxiety, denial, anger, and acceptance. And now I have a date tonight with a nice girl I met on my own that manages a restaurant I happened to stop at two weeks ago during a snowstorm.

Become self aware and start living for yourself. I already look at this as a footnote in my life. I have no regrets. Yes we all make mistakes. But thats life, your actions are yours to own. Hers are hers. And she is a lying cheating POS. That is her legacy. Start writing yours today.

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post #34 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 10:50 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

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Become self aware and start living for yourself. I already look at this as a footnote in my life. I have no regrets. Yes we all make mistakes. But thats life, your actions are yours to own. Hers are hers. And she is a lying cheating POS. That is her legacy. Start writing yours today.

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This is so good it's worth quoting just to see it twice.

And the sun will rise, dawn will break through the blackest night, distant in it's glow, this shall pass, be still and know.
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post #35 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 10:51 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

3X said it best.....there are roughly around four patterns

been posting here for a year.....after a few posts

you can notice which pattern emerges

keep in your memory how she has made you feel

she will attempt to slither back in one form or another

you will get great advice here....no fluff, just bare boned

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #36 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 11:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck71 View Post
3X said it best.....there are roughly around four patterns

been posting here for a year.....after a few posts

you can notice which pattern emerges

keep in your memory how she has made you feel

she will attempt to slither back in one form or another

you will get great advice here....no fluff, just bare boned
Ain't that the truth Chucky?

OP should beat her to the punch and file himself.

Show her some Masculine Mettle.
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post #37 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 11:05 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

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mother divorced and remarried (on #3)

birth father was abusive, bi polar. not in the picture any longer
unbe,

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Hurt people hurt people?"
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post #38 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 11:08 AM
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A friend told me to lay down in my bed on my back. Then to take my right hand lift it high in the air. Then to curl my fingers and make a fist. Then to bring that fist down into my groin as hard as possible.

Yep, those are testicles.

Good for more than making babies. Use them and send the bum packing. Take back control of this relationship, immediatley. The marriage is done, her choice.

Right now you are riding around on your tricycle trying trying to avoid confronting your own fears, but your wing ding is tied to the back of a semi truck!

I have been in your shoes. The faster you man up the better for YOU.

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post #39 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-20-2013, 11:32 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

people are allowed to do to you, what you allow

me...in this equation....I always wait a bit too long

but I make 110% sure it is over

then they are fair game....no emotion

this January I was so close to just letting everything go

I put my X in a position to show her hand

she did exactly as I anticipated...that was a clear GAME OVER

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #40 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 08:53 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Update

I responded today to the email yesterday with short non feeling responses.

Feeling angry, and scared and sad.
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Last edited by unbe; 12-21-2013 at 08:57 AM.
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post #41 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 09:17 AM
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Then you are enabling her to keep control. I know it sucks but you need to get over her in order to make a rational decision about what to do with your life moving forward. Answering singals to her that you still care and miss her, and she doesnt desrve to be missed. She knows she still has a hold on you and to people in that mindset its like getting their drug fix. You want her to respect you, you need to start by identifying what true about yourself and solidifying your own identity. Right now you are letting her define who you are. It's not healthy and will keep you miserable.

We let people in our lives be authors in how we view ourselves. Take the books she has written about you and burn them from your mind. Do not give her the right to define ANYTHING about you and watch what happens.

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post #42 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 09:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Had conflicting feedback about answering so I went with the short curt responses. Items did need to be addressed

I see your point about control though
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post #43 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 09:38 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

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Had conflicting feedback about answering so I went with the short curt responses. Items did need to be addressed

I see your point about control though
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You'll get plenty of chances at this.
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post #44 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 09:49 AM
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Yes you will. My stbx texted me yesterday inviting me to come over to her new place Christmas morning to open presents with the kids. Xmas day is my custody day and she already agreed to meet me at a gas station to exchange the kids. She wanted to drop the kids off at my house but I said no. She doesnt get to come here anymore.

I deleted her text yesterday after I got it with no reply. I am not fully over her, I am sure she is only inviting to try and establish a new "coparenting" relationship, rug sweeping all the terrible things for which she has no remorse. I feel bad for my kids but I dont feel guilty, and that is the difference. She might view me as selfish and not putting the kids first, but kids are in this position because of her selfish actions. Besides the kids might think we are getting back together. They are only 3 and 6.

I deleted the text with no reply at all for a couple reasons:
1. I cant sit, stare at it all day, and think about it
2. She has no remorse and bought into her own bs. She wouldnt understand or respect my view or me as a person, so why waste the time and effort
3. She has no more control over me. Not responding at all proves this to me and to her.

Others on TAM recommended to me to remove my own emotions before making any decisions. Apply logic, which wayward spouses do not do. It will confuse them more since they cant figure logic out and you arent engaging and enabling for them to get control. Maybe this will help you too.

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post #45 of 1964 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 10:00 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

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Yes you will. My stbx texted me yesterday inviting me to come over to her new place Christmas morning to open presents with the kids. Xmas day is my custody day and she already agreed to meet me at a gas station to exchange the kids. She wanted to drop the kids off at my house but I said no. She doesnt get to come here anymore.

I deleted her text yesterday after I got it with no reply. I am not fully over her, I am sure she is only inviting to try and establish a new "coparenting" relationship, rug sweeping all the terrible things for which she has no remorse. I feel bad for my kids but I dont feel guilty, and that is the difference. She might view me as selfish and not putting the kids first, but kids are in this position because of her selfish actions. Besides the kids might think we are getting back together. They are only 3 and 6.

I deleted the text with no reply at all for a couple reasons:
1. I cant sit, stare at it all day, and think about it
2. She has no remorse and bought into her own bs. She wouldnt understand or respect my view or me as a person, so why waste the time and effort
3. She has no more control over me. Not responding at all proves this to me and to her.

Others on TAM recommended to me to remove my own emotions before making any decisions. Apply logic, which wayward spouses do not do. It will confuse them more since they cant figure logic out and you arent engaging and enabling for them to get control. Maybe this will help you too.

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"I'm not ok with playing happy family"
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