Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
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post #46 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-21-2013, 10:43 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

I am so sorry Unbe, you have a right to be sad, afraid, and angry. You are going through a very painful period in your life. You have done the best thing to let go of the marriage. I am sure you have gotten plenty of great advice.
Conrad posted "hurt people hurt people" which is oh so true. I was a true believer that childhood traumas do not affect a marriage or relationships but I was very wrong.
I am still dealing with the aftermath of my separation, I am still dealing with the pain, hurt, longing, anger, everything.
I have look within myself to see what I did wrong in my marriage.
I am working on becoming a better person because I too made mistakes.
But you know what hurts the most?
the fact that my ex does not see his mistakes, he does not see how he hurt me, he does not believe he needs to look within to become a better person for a future relationship.
As you can probably detect, I am still very codependent on him.
I have let him go, yet I still care about his happiness.

My advice to you is to look within yourself and find out why you took everything she dished out.
good luck to you
I must go!~ Work calls


I say Left, but mean Purple
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post #47 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-22-2013, 07:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Update

Yesterday was rough but I got through it with the help of friends.

Dreamt about her last night woke up angry that she's still affecting me.

Day by day....
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post #48 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 07:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

update from today:

Rough morning, cant stop thinking about it. Have a pit in my stomach, I have not contacted her however and will not.

I just want the pain to end. Still no paperwork from her. My co-worker saw her this weekend and dropped of some packages, there isnt any bad mouthing going on which is good.

I am not sure why I am in so much pain. I havent been happy in months, she isnt the same person I first met. Its good to be back at work! The weekends are going to be really rough
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post #49 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 11:22 AM
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Try meditating and setting aside your emotions for 5 minutes. You were happy before her, you will be happy again after her. Go get in IC because you may have codepency issues that need to be addressed. I agree with other TAM posters, recovering from this is a process. Each step is important and you need to do it. Otherwise YOU are only doing this to yourself.

she didnt do anything to you today. I can promise you she isnt thinking about you or your pain. Let go of what you cant control and take control of the things you can. Like your emotions, thoughts, and actions.

She isnt coming back, at least today. And you arent thinking clearly enough to make a good decision even if she did.

Keep your head up bro

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post #50 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 11:29 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

unbe,

Your relationship with a woman, whether it's a success or not, should not define you.

Remove your idealized stbx from her pedestal, and never put another woman on one again. They don't like being there.

"A healthy choice to enforce boundaries by walking away from a dysfunctional relationship has more to do with recognizing the likeliest outcomes than with wanting to punish or retaliate against one's wayward spouse."

-TAM member Moxy
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post #51 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 04:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

can someone post the link for no more mr nice guy at first it didnt think it applied but after reading more about it sounds like me to a T
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post #52 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 04:09 PM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Quote:
Originally Posted by unbe View Post
can someone post the link for no more mr nice guy
http://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glov...r_Nice_Guy.pdf
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post #53 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-23-2013, 09:55 PM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

unbe....way I saw it, during my ordeal last year

IF she wants so bad to be away from me...

if you love them, set them free

it was HARD.....but I did it

next day she returned home

came home straight from work every night

by then....I liked it better when she was gone

things.......have a way of working out

for what you truly want....

things will get better....I can promise that

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #54 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-24-2013, 07:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Today's update

No contact still from either side

Went to talk to my pastor yesterday and she was at the church. Did not see not speak with her.

I feel a little better today but the holidays are a real downer. Will keep pushing though however.
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post #55 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-24-2013, 10:20 AM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Just Let Them Go


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #56 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-25-2013, 01:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Reading that link a few times a day. Definatley helping.

Just finished zillards thread, wow. Very inspirational.

Just want to get through the holidays. Then peddle to the metal with the paperwork.

Feeling sad and angry still. Starting to think about the past and wondering what I'm really missing??

Still dark. We may never speak again. I am wondering why I even care??
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post #57 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-25-2013, 01:30 PM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

She cheated on you, it seems. You did not act at once and put off the pain. Now it is here, perhaps worse than it would have been. Go run.

Are you overweight? Smoke?

Filing for divorce before could make you feel better. Nice to dump instead of being dumped.
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post #58 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-25-2013, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LongWalk View Post
She cheated on you, it seems. You did not act at once and put off the pain. Now it is here, perhaps worse than it would have been. Go run.

Are you overweight? Smoke?

Filing for divorce before could make you feel better. Nice to dump instead of being dumped.
I agree with LongWalk - get proactive.

If there are things you want to improve in your lifestyle - This is your opportunity.

It keeps the focus on you.
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post #59 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-25-2013, 01:39 PM
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Re: Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support

Read GutPunch's Journal - it's another good one.
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post #60 of 1955 (permalink) Old 12-25-2013, 01:49 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LongWalk View Post
She cheated on you, it seems. You did not act at once and put off the pain. Now it is here, perhaps worse than it would have been. Go run.

Are you overweight? Smoke?

Filing for divorce before could make you feel better. Nice to dump instead of being dumped.
I am not overwieght nor a smoker. You say she cheated if seems? Does the evidence prove this fact
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