Long sotry, prob familar. Need some support
Heres my story....
I have been divorced once already now about to enter into my second. The women I am married to now is the first person I met after my previous divorce. Both have lasted only 2 years (im 36)
When I first met my second wife, things couldn't have been better. I thought I had met my soul mate, she was everything I have ever imagined. We lived together for 2 years prior to getting engaged. These two years were perfect.
We got engaged and things started to get a little strange. I had a feeling that she may have been cheating on me ( I am insecure in nature). I did find some emails back and forth to an old boyfriend that seems harmless enough so I never addressed it.
We got married a year later and that's when the problems started. Almost a 6 months into the marriage she started complaining that I needed to change how I acted. That I wasn't 'nice' When I asked for examples she couldn't give me any. We wouldn't argue about it much but I did hear it often. Now I had asked her if I had changed from when we first met and she said no.
Anyway, moving forward things got progressively worse. She used to be the most affectionate person who would latch onto me like a leach. After about a year of marriage this dissipated to barley touching me at all. I had to initiate all contact.
She used to want to cook all the time, that stopped. Cleaning stopped. We have a dog toghther, she stopped caring for him.
She travled for work a previously however the trips seemd to pick up at the beginning of this year. The text message went unanswered for hours, same as phone calls.
One night she had got home from a business trip and went to bed as she was exacusted from traveling. I wsnt tired and decided to watch some tv in the other room. Her phone went off with a text from a guy she works with asking "how was the rest of your night". Now the text itself seemd harmless enough but the fact the there was no history behind the message started putting up red flags.
I did some digging and noticed mutilple calls and text message while she was away to this guy (also while I was asleep). Instead of comfronting her about this I decided to start ptrying to see if she wanted out (first mistake). This was in Feburary. We started talking and she said I wasn't the person she thought and wanted out. I asked her to tell me when was needed, how can I fix this. I was in scramble mode to try and make this marriage work. She said she needed time to figure things out so I moved out.
I was out for a week and during this time I was watching to see if she would contact him, which she did. That night we were separated she was with him!!! I tried to convienence myself that maybe she was breaking it off or maybe he really was just a friend.
After the week she asked me to come home and she wanted to work on it. We started marriage consuling
During the consuling she had descrbied how I needed to change, that I didn't like to do the same things she did. She did feel financially secure because we lived a very fly by the moment life (5-6 trips per year, shopping sprees). Mind you these were the exact things she loived about me just a year ago.
So I started to change, I made drastic changes. So drastic to the point the our therapist wanted to write a book about it. I did everything I could to be the man she wanted be to be now. Even though it was against my will.
Things were good for a few months. We had moved out of our place for a few mnths to live near the beach for the summer and had a great few months,
The second we came back to our home things got worse. (We live in the city and she works a few blocks away, with him). My suspensions started up again that she had reconnected with him.
Before you new it we stopped going to therapy (she refused to go as she thought the therapist was on my side). Things went back to the way there were at the beginning of the year.
I comforted her about it two months ago and said I wasn't happy. She said she didn't want to work on it because we are too different and she didn't thinkg therapy would work. I explained that this was a marriage and we need to give it every chance, lets go to another theaprist. She said ok and would research it, that never happened.
Travleing started again, we went on some trips toghther ( I had a business trip she met me on and we had our anniversary so we went away for that). Things were ok, not great.
She had went on a trip for work about a month ago, when she came back all touching stopped. I mean all touching....
She would wait till I went to bed then she went to sleep
All the signs, I couldn't ignore it anymore
I comforted her again saying I wasn't happy but still wanted to work on it. She said now she wanted a divorce, it cant be worked on. I then did confront her about the text/phone calls and she just smirked.
I said ok, and told her to leave. She has moved out.
She is supposed to be sending me the paperwork however I haven't recieve it yet. I have not spoken with her since she left.
That brings us to the present. I am angry on so many levels, even typing this makes me angrier. I am also sad that I have another failed marriage.
I am waiting for her to send paperwork which seems dumb, should I just send her? We don't have kids or own property so its not going to be messy. I think I don't want to send it because I don't want it to be over although I know it needs to end.
I keep going back to the person I met and how I would give anything and do anything to be with that person. I also realize that person is never coming back.
Thank you for reading my long rant....Any feedback/advice is greatly appreciated.