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Old 09-14-2010, 10:30 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Hire a PI.
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:09 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
Hire a PI.
i am considering this idea. don't know how it will help.

My wife is texting one number a lot. No phone conversations. Just texts. If you were having a relationship with another person, could you keep it just to text? Seems like I would notice some long conversations if they were emotionally connecting. Very tempted to just call the number and see who is texting my wife. Use *67 and dial the number. Tried it out calling my land line and it blocked my cell caller id.

A couple of times I was texting her and at the same time she was getting texts from the other number. She responded to us both like it wasn't a big deal.

Did a reverse look up on a site that you can pay and find out the owner of a cell. The cell shows to be owned by a female. Don't know if I believe the site. I had to pay $10 to get that info.
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Old 09-20-2010, 11:18 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

I have a friend at work that used a PI and found it useful. Not to reunite with his spouse but to help get full custody of his child. The PI that he hired found enough evidence to help him. Dug through the trash and got photos.

I really feel like my wife is not cheating on me. Maybe a emotional affair but not a physical affair. Who knows though.
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Old 09-21-2010, 12:23 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Quote: She made it through school and it was my time now. It was premature of me to act this way but she now had what she wanted and I never had a chance to do what I wanted

Quote: I will put my faith in the Lord and hope that my wife will come around. I'll give her a gift from time to time and hope that it makes her feel better. I don't want her to be unhappy
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Your story brought me tears. You're far from a selfish man.

In your marriage, you have built up a wrong impression- her happiness is most important in the marriage.

I know you want to make her happy because you love her so much but sometimes it's very dangerous to let a woman gets whatever she wants.

That is a pitfall- once you fall into it, you can't get out. As soon she gets enough from you, she is always ready to pack and go, dumping you in the pit. Sorry, no offence, it's sad but true!

She didn't need you to be her husband to love her. She only wanted you to agree with her, including the divorce and freedom she desires the most.

She only cares about what she wants, not what you want because she knows that you will eventually listen, give in to make her happy; all what she needs to do is to insist in having what she wants, since you have set the rule #1 Her happiness is the most important.

Your wife has gone. Her mind and soul are apart from you. Sad but true! Better let bygones be bygones!

Be strong! You don't want to cry and you don't want to beg. You are a man! Get out from the pit! You can do it! No time to regret!

You need a good divorce that allows you the most time to pursue your dreams. You can find a better job in a bigger town!

A brighter future is awaiting you, now you just need to let go so you can do whatever you want in your life.

Last edited by friendly; 09-21-2010 at 12:36 AM.
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Old 09-21-2010, 09:59 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

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i am considering this idea. don't know how it will help.

My wife is texting one number a lot. No phone conversations. Just texts. If you were having a relationship with another person, could you keep it just to text?
Lots of people do.
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Old 09-21-2010, 10:54 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Your story really brought tears to my eye’s because I feel a lot of what you feel. I too don’t want to believe that my husband is not in love with me anymore. One thing you said that your W said to you was that she wants you to be happy, to find someone that will love you back (or something to that sort). That’s the exact same thing my husband told me when we first separated. And I’m thinking…”no, I have the person I want”. So I understand how fustruating that feels, but sooner or later you will come to the acceptance stage.

I mean, you will realize that no matter how much you love a person, you can’t love enough for the both of you. And at the end of it all, if you give your heart and soul to a person then you deserve to get that back. And I too come from parents that have been together for a long time (26 years) and did go through their share of troubles. They almost got a divorce when I was young. My mom told me that she literally hated my Dad for a full year. But they made it and their still going strong. They are my heros. I feel sad b/c I feel like my son will be missing out on what I myself was blessed with (growing up with both parents, having my family together).

I too, like you, believe that marriage is about sticking it out and making it through hell and back with a person, because at the end when your old, you want to be able to look at that person with respect and love and say yes, look at what we went through but we’re still here, we didn’t give up. But you have to understand that not everyone feels and thinks the same way as you or I. You cant fight fate. There is a greater plan here. Maybe she is not the one that God has plans for you to spend the rest of your life with. Sometime’s we focus so much on our plans and our dreams for ourselves that we don’t take time to really give it all to God. Were here to serve his purpose, and I myself don’t believe that God intended marriage to be one person being in love and the other not loving them back. Hope this helps…
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Old 09-21-2010, 11:21 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice.

I don't know what to do. I go to therapy and ask the same questions. I get advice that says to accept what my wife is telling me and move on. I am definitely not ready to move on. My wife has been gone a little over a month. My definition of moving on and other peoples definition may be way different. For me that means giving up on the relationship. Eventually I will move on but not right now.

I also understand the male ego side of what people say I should be doing. They say that I am taking the female role. My wife is about to go out of town for a month again. People close to me say that she made the choices she is in and I shouldn't support her. She wants me to watch our child 5 nights and she watch her 2 nights a week. I get my baby during the week and she will watch her on the weekends. I also learned that this situation will last for 2 months. I let my wife know that this is unfair. I shouldn't be told that I get 5 nights and she gets 2 nights a week for 2 months. The therapist says that I am taking the hero role right now. Im stepping up when needed. Im not taking a female role. People close to me say that not giving her hardship is supporting her. I did let her know that I will do what I do because I love her and still consider her my wife.

This whole thing sucks. My wife can choose to love me. She can choose to try to work on our relationship. She knows what is best for our baby and can choose to try to make our relationship work. She is doing what she does in spite of me and our child. Regardless of what she is doing, I still love her. I understand how she feels and don't blame her for nothing.

Communication is key. We need to express how we feel. Eventually we will get to communicate together. I need to know my role right now. What I can do and not anger my wife. If she doesn't want to be my friend, thats ok right now. If she wants to work on us being friends, im ok with it. If she eventually wants to work on our relationship, I would be extremely happy.
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Old 09-23-2010, 11:47 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Sometimes I get hope. I feel like what I am doing is connecting with my wife. I gave her a CD and she posted a song from the CD I gave her on facebook. I play innocent and don't let her know that I know. I gave her a CD and it connected with her. She posted this song on facebook:

YouTube - "Hello World" by Lady Antebellum with lyrics

I am sorry if I broke any rules. I am emotional right now. I feel the same way she does. This is the song that I connect to since I have a 1 year old daughter. It made me feel so good when she posted it.

Even if we connect on a level that she will not confess to it makes me feel good.
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Old 09-24-2010, 12:08 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

She pretty much knows that I can log into her account if she is reading this thread. I hope she doesn't know.
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Old 09-24-2010, 09:05 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Did you tell her about this place?
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Old 09-29-2010, 11:16 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Dude, I REALLY hate to tell you this, but it is over. There is no hope for this. All of your attempts to win her back are pushing her away more. Here is the way it works. The more needy someone is the more the other feels smothered and the more they pull away. The more someone pulls away the more the other becomes needy. You need to break away from this downward spiral. There are plenty of fish in the sea and none of them are perfect or soul mates. She wasn't the one. Pick yourself up and carry on. Remember who YOU are. You need self esteem. You need to be able to make yourself happy. You don't need anyone else and shouldn't ever again depend on anyone else to make you happy. You definitely shouldn't make yourself sick wasting your time on someone that obviously doesn't deserve you.

Bottom line is you need to find independence. The only way any relationship will ever work for you is if you are the independent kind and so is she. You don't need her right now. All you need is true friends and self acceptance. A true friend is all you need in any future relationship as well. Someone that accepts you for you. Get away from her...she is poison.

If she is cheating, you don't want to stay. There will never be trust and it won't work out. Get some guts and stand up and end the nightmare now. Get out while she opened the door for you. The more you beg and cry, the more she will run away. If you show confidence in yourself, and you only can by truly leaving, then she might possibly see this change and find new respect for you. Whoever said the saying about the doormat nailed it. Get out now.

See your kids every opportunity you can and don't complain. When you finally file for divorce you should try for custody showing she doesn't have time to keep them.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:36 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Thanks for the advice Jayster69. Everybody keeps giving me your advice or advice very similar to what you are saying. The sad part is that I don't have a life outside my family really. My life revolved around my wife and child. I have family. I have a few friends but nobody that I would call a best friend. I do think this is maybe part of the reason my wife left me. She has carried me socially for a while. I felt awkward hanging out with a lot of her friends. She tried to integrate me into her new life some and I was hesitant. Moving on is going to be tougher for me than her. Im going to have to force myself to be different. It will not come naturally for me.

What I have been doing is not working. I keep struggling through. I keep trying to find some gray area between completely giving up moving on and sitting at home waiting for my wife to come home. Im slowly realizing that there isn't much of a gray area really. Im here alone. She knows how I feel and doesn't seem to care right now. She is taking the attitude that you guys say I should be taking. Her pulling away is having the affect that yall mentioned. The more she pulls away from me the more I want her to come home.

I have been with my wife for 10 years. I don't know how to start. Maybe you guys can give me some advice about single life. Im 33 years old and I am clueless. I exercise already. I go to church. Im close to my brother but he is married and has kids. He is supportive but can only do so much for me. A lot of my work friends are married. I work hard and unfortunately have to work a lot of overtime. I have a baby half of the time as well. What do single people do? Seems a lot harder at age 33 then back when I was 21. Everybody I know has a wife and kids. Everybody is so busy with work and family. Being 33 and single sucks for me right now.
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:42 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

No offense, but you're being a wimp.

WHY should she even care what you want when you accept cheating and do NOTHING to save your marriage?
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:46 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadsoul
What I have been doing is not working. I keep struggling through. I keep trying to find some gray area between completely giving up moving on and sitting at home waiting for my wife to come home. Im slowly realizing that there isn't much of a gray area really. Im here alone. She knows how I feel and doesn't seem to care right now. She is taking the attitude that you guys say I should be taking. Her pulling away is having the affect that yall mentioned. The more she pulls away from me the more I want her to come home.
Waawaa.

Come on, sadsoul, grow a pair.

Have you done ANY reading about affairs? Surviving An Affair? Anything?

What you are doing will NOT stop her cheating.
It only makes you look weak and desparate, and I am here to tell you that NO WOMAN wants a weak man.

The more you hope and pray and wait and kiss up, the more she HATES you.

Are you going to fight for your marriage, or not?
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Old 09-29-2010, 08:10 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife Moved Out Yesterday.

I have no proof that she is having a affair. If I knew for sure and was not doing anything about it, I could see why people should be calling me a wimp.

I hacked her cell and can see all her calls. I have complete access to her facebook. Im monitoring my wife. Im not setting outside my wifes apt. Would that make me less of a wimp if I start stalking my wife. Should I get a gps unit and strap it to the bottom of my wifes car.

I have a friend at work that used a private investigator to win full custody of his baby. Im talking to him. I haven't committed to go there yet.
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