turnera

I know lots of people who have put GPS devices or voice-activated recorders in their spouses' cars to find out IF they are cheating. You are fighting to save your marriage. Your wife is acting suspiciously. If you snoop and find out nothing, you can tell her the truth and tell her WHY you felt you had to find out, and you can move forward.

If you snoop and DO find the affair, you can then confront her and tell her to make a choice.

Either way, you will know what you're dealing with. As it is now, you are in limbo, and you have no idea if what you are doing is helping or hurting your chances.

sadsoul

This week will be 2 months since my wife left. She is going to be working out of town for the entire month of October. I had a bad moment when she dropped off my daughter the evening before she left. I asked to speak with her for a moment and she said ok. I let her know that I accept how she feels. I let her know that I understand why she left. The way the relationship was before was not good. I let her know that I feel like through therapy and through other learning(books, internet) I understand better the behavior that drove her away. I told her that I am willing to be patient. Giver her as much space as she needs. I only asked that when she got tired of being alone that she would consider giving me one more shot. I asked her to let me prove to her that I understand what went wrong. It didn't go well at all. She went totally negative. She said I didn't deserve another shot. She said that I have been selfish and controlling the entire marriage. She was not planning on giving me another chance. I cried a lot and was down for a while but for some reason I didn't get as depressed as I use to get.

Over the next couple of days my attitude has shifted some. I think im entering the anger stage now. I can only think of the bad things in the marriage. I actually think that my wife leaving me has taught me a valuable lesson. Some good may of actually come from this mess. I went out to a party and had a really good time. Stayed out real late(something i haven't done in a long time). I took down all the photos of my wife. I put them in a closet. I deleted all the pics of my wife on facebook. Im going to stop worrying and try to have some fun. I started to do some online chat(something I haven't done through my whole relationship with my wife).

I feel good. I have a more positive attitude. Don't know if this will last but it feels good now.

This is for turnera. I know you are going to get on here and call me a wimp. Its not going to get me down. I am not concerned if my wife is cheating on me. It will hurt my feelings and if she is doing it with a friend of mine, I will probably get real upset. I may still hire a PI to find out. I still haven't found the guts to call the number she texts over and over again. I don't know why.

I get to watch my baby during the week and she gets friday and saturday night. Its party time. No contact to her. If she initiates contact I will give a real brief reply but will not initiate any contact with her. She knows how I feel. No need to stress it any more. Only makes me hurt. Contact only shows my wife that im desperate and insecure. Nobody wants to be with desperate, insecure man.

turnera

I don't think you're a wimp. Personally, if my spouse cheated, I'd never have anything to do with him again. That's MY limit.

Basically, she is not a friend of your marriage right now. That alone gives you the right to walk away any time you want.

The only reason I'd give you a hard time is if you said you wanted to work to save the marriage, because THAT would entail totally different advice.

I actually often advise people to go out and live their own lives, give the spouse a taste of their own medicine. PLUS, it gives you a sense of your being able to survive without them, if that's what ends up happening.

I wish you peace.

sadsoul

Thought I would post a update. Nothing really to update. My wife has been gone 3 months. Still hasn't filed for divorce. Not sitting around being depressed anymore. More in the anger stage i guess. It really pisses me off that my wife has all the power over our marriage and my child. She knows how I feel. She knows the consequences of us getting a divorce. Really the only consequence deals with our daughter. It sickens me to think that Im going to miss out on half my childs life. It sickens me to think my daughter might call some other man her father. I hate to think about my daughter needing me and I not being there for her. It angers me to see how casual my wife is about this situation. It is like she understands the consequences and it doesn't matter. Her hatred of me is so great that the consequence is worth it to her.

I spoke with her recently and asked to talk for a few minutes. I said that I was still having difficulty moving on because I didn't understand what was irreconcilable about our marriage. Asked if she would go to therapy with me to help me understand. Said it may help me move on. Her response was to belittle me and bring up every bad thing i did over the past year. She said she has built up so much resentment for me that there is no love left for me. No apology will help. She said there wasn't anything irreconcilable. She just chooses not to reconcile. She knows the concequence of divore and doesn't care.

I pretty much threw a fit. Told her she was being selfish and was making a decision that will affect my life with my daughter. Said that is pissed me off that she wouldn't at least make a try to reconcile. Told her that her daughter may love her new mommy more than her when I remarry. How would that make her feel. Got a lot dirtier than that.

Everything is still pretty messed up. I love my wife but my desire to keep trying is shrinking. Losing a lot of respect for her. Really don't know this new person. She is turning into a monster.

sadsoul

I pretty much made the decision today to quit being mr nice guy with my wife. She wanted all the ornaments(fighting over stupid stuff). She said she had to buy a tree so I had to pay for the ornaments. I said she could have them but to please come get them when I wasn't home(she still has access to my house and I have no access to hers). I spent Thanksgiving alone for the first time in 10 years and wasn't thrilled about it. I was a little depressed. Told her it wasn't the right time for her to come over and start demanding stuff. She came by to drop off our child and said she was getting the ornaments now because she didn't have time to get them any other time. I started to talk to her and let her know how much my Thanksgiving sucked. Basically everything went downhill from there. It ended with me demanding her key and garage door remote. I said she has had plenty of time and access to get whatever she needed. Said I don't have access to her place and she was no longer having access to mine. Told her I was no longer accepting her mail. Said she needed to take care of it because it was going to be thrown away if got delivered to my house. Told her to get her own health insurance. I was no longer going to pay for it. The war is starting. Wish I could be a bigger person and not take this road but I just can't right now. I would still try to reconcile our marriage right now. As horrible as she has treated me. I know the consequences are so high that it would be worth it. She told me to get a lawyer because my demands are against the law. I actually already have a lawyer. Don't know if my demands are against the law but I guess I will find out.

turnera

Do you know about Plan B?