Should I help my cheating wife out financially?

f1r3f1y3 · 09-10-2010, 09:38 AM

I have a financial question:

So my wife cheated on me over a few months and when I found out I made her move out to her own place.

She has 2 small jobs that don't pay much and is looking for a fulltime job now. She will also qualify for state benefits but they have no come through yet. 1 of her employers has also failed to pay her this week.

So she has asked if I can pay her rent due Monday. My lawyer says I shouldn't pay her anything else as we must show when we divorce that she has been supporting herself. So financially this hurts me in more ways than 1.

1 minute she is attacking me with ridiculous accusations and the next she is asking for money (literally moments between).

I also don't have a lot of money due to lawyers bills, but I am a high earner and can afford to dip into overdrafts.

In the divorce she will get thousands from me but that is months off.

Options I can see are:

1) Give her a lump of the money she will get in the divorce anyway
2) Don't give her anything at all, tell her to p**s off!
3) Give her this months rent and ask for it to be paid back, or not paid back

Her life has completely fallen apart since the separation so the decision is between

feeling sorry for her, being the bigger person, smoothing our relations

and

giving her nothing because she cheated with at least 2 men over the past 6 months, STILL lies about it and hasn't changed her attitude towards me at all

tricky... advice??

Wisp · 09-10-2010, 09:48 AM

Simple answer is no,she chose to cheat, she left home, she pays her own bills.
Posted via Mobile Device

827Aug · 09-10-2010, 09:51 AM

You are right; it is tricky. Are your children (if any) living with her? Does she have family she could stay with? Those two things would help me decide. Plus, her attitude would sway my decision as well. What does your attorney advise?

f1r3f1y3 · 09-10-2010, 10:23 AM

My lawyer says don't give her a penny until the divorce.

Our son lives with me during weekdays and her at weekends. I give her money to support him at weekends which is separate to what I'm talking about here.

She has no family to stay with here, I am not sure what friends she has left as she lied to most of them too.

Her attitude to me is just ridiculously bad considering what she did. I have never done anything bad to this girl but provide for her. She seems intent on punishing me for kicking her out, as if it's all my fault.

She's emotionally stunted and doesn't rationalise like normal people.

JHELP · 09-10-2010, 11:16 AM

Because of your pending divorce heed your lawyers advice and do not give her anymore money as hard as that sounds. This may very well set athe ground work for her saying you agreed to pay every month and now backed out. Judge won't like that.Child can stay with you if until she finds a place with her being able to visit as agreed upon

notreadytoquit · 09-10-2010, 11:28 AM

Absolutely listen to your lawyer. She chose to be in this situation.

827Aug · 09-10-2010, 11:35 AM

That make this question easier. Follow your lawyer's advice. And your child can stay with you full-time. Oh, and when she asks for rent money, tell her to go move in with one of the OM. Problem solved. Don't lose sleep over this problem.

greeneyeddolphin · 09-10-2010, 09:23 PM

I wouldn't help her. She's on her own now, she needs to deal with the reality of that. And the reality of that is that you pay your own bills.

If she loses her place to live, then I guess she'll have to visit your son at your home. I would be cautious in how you handle this with your son, though. He won't understand the intricacies of divorce and keeping everything legal. If it comes up with him, I would only tell him that you wish you could help her, but you just can't.

I also would be careful of being too mean to her in telling her no.

Help239 · 09-10-2010, 09:43 PM

Number 2. Her attitude will not change in the short term. She feels guilty about what she has done and will blame you for everything. Believe me, I am in the 11th month of my divorce and my stb-xw also cheated yet she still maintains she did nothing wrong and wants to take me for everything I have.

Deejo · 09-13-2010, 02:13 PM

No you shouldn't. But I'm guessing you probably will.

greenpearl · 09-14-2010, 10:42 AM

My answer is NO NO NO when I read the title.
Stupid people can't even support themselves but they dared to cheat! Stupid! No sympathy for her!
Lesson learned! Never cheat, especially when you can't even feed yourself!

Cgreene21 · 09-14-2010, 02:23 PM

Nope. Don't do it. Support the child, not her.