My story is all over this site. Im using it mainly to just get things out of my head. I dont really have many friends I can talk feelings with, they all just want to get me wasted drunk and think that will help. It doesnt, so dont anyone think it will. Anyway, last night was interesting. I met with my wife to go over what she needs to take care of... new phone, car insurance, back account, ect. I also told her that since I dont want a divorce, that she needs to do all the paperwork and what not, beause Im not doing any of it. I still want to work on things, but I know now, she doesnt at all, I just cant go through with sounding like I dont care and that Ill help her with getting it done with. We both agreed on everything, its luckily not messy. Thank God. But here is the interesting part. The main conversation only took about 30 min. She even thought that a leagle separation would be better if its easier and cheaper than a divorse. I was suprised, beause we would technically still be married. Maybe its just cheaper that way, I really dont know. But after the conversation, when all was said and done, we just hung out and actually had a good time with eachothers company for about another couple hours. No more of me begging her to do this or that, no more guilt trips, no more talking about what we should have done or should do. It was nice, fun even. We had a lot of laughs and it was nice. Now, she thinks we should try to salvage at least a friendship, because she sees how Im doing now and sees that we can still have fun together. I was the one who brought this up at the end of the night, she just said that she completely agrees with that. So, I guess Im just wondering if anyone has tried that. Being good friends with a spouse that left you. Is it possible? I know it would be wierd at first, but I also think that it would be nice, and at least I would have something, rather than nothing. What do you think?
My wife Is the one who decided not to work on the marriage and leave me. She hurt me deeply and still has the ability to do it again and I want no part of that so other than trying to divorce amicably thatís it for me. No friendship, no help and support. In fact I have trouble holding myself back from trying to hurt her and Iím hoping that will pass as I donít think of myself as a vindictive person.
If you are doing all this with hopes that one day that friendship will turn into a loving relationship again will be hard, I am not saying that is not possible but that depends on the intentions.
I personally wouldn't want a friendship right now, too soon I guess. In the past, I had a long term relationship with another girl and the break up was pretty bad for both of us, it honestly took me 1 year to start looking at her first as a stranger, then as a person I knew once and finally as a friend. When I ready to start a relationship, she wasn't interested anymore on keeping contact with me but since I was ready to either stay as friends or let go it didn't bother me at all.
The point here is that in order to be ready to have a friendship with an ex, we have to see them as that just friends.
I have ex girlfriends, not all, but most are still considered friends. This, marriage, is obviosly different. But, I except that she doesnt love me anymore, and I think that is what makes me think we can be friends. Yes, I love her, but knowing that she doesnt love me back, keeps me from having any expectations from the friendship. She just knows me better than anyone else, and I know her the same way. I know that there is a possibiliy that people get back together, but really, I dont know if I want that now. I feel that if we did, I would always be waiting for her to leave again, and that wouldnt be good for either of us. But, as friends, and until she finds another, I think we could have something, even if its not love. It will hurt, but I know that and I think I can handle it. It is already wierd feeling, but it gets easier each time I see her. I see that she is a little happier being gone, and it seems that she likes seeing me working on myself. So, even though I love her, and I think I always will, I can see she is better off right now, and as much as it hurts, it somehow feels good. When we see eachother now, we dont talk about being sad, or the things we should have done different. Its more like just talking about our week, or her work, or how crazy our families are and even talk about, and laugh about times we shared that were fun and exciting. She got to the restaurant last night expecting to argue and get upset and leave as soon as we talked about the conditions of our seperation, but she stayed, we talked about other things, laughed, smiled, shared, all in all it was the best we got along in a while. So, maybe the mariage is over, but it looks like, to her and I both, we can still have the friendship. Its still too soon to tell, but it looks promising. We'll see I guess.
Skuba you come over as a good guy. Maybe you are doing the same thing as you did with your ex girlfriends with your wife in that you are drawn to being friends. I think my wife and I were good friends, enabling one another and walking the last mile. But I think more that what we had was a love affair that lasted decades. My love has gone and my wife is not a person Iíd choose as a friend.