Wife and kids walked out yesterday

what_to_do · 10-06-2010, 11:29 AM

Together for 8yrs. Married for 3yrs. Wife is 28 I'm 30

I came home last night from work to find my wife packed up and our 2 daughters (2 1/2 & 2months) dressed and ready to go. My wife sat on the couch upset and would not talk. When she did she only said that I've told you before! I need some time to myself she's going to her parents for a few days and that she couldn't do it anymore.....

Shell shocked by all this and not wanting to cause a big scene in front my of girls, I watched them load into the car and leave. Just like that I was @ home and everything important to me walked out the door... Happened so quickly

As I sat in the dark living room trying to replay what just happened and that it was maybe a bad dream. I began thinking of the issues that led up this. I know I haven't been perfect (realistically who can say they have been) However I felt like I have given it all I could and it always seems to come up just a little short.

We had a conversation last year about this very thing that she needed more help around the house. I began taking on more of the household chores to ease the burden. However we would get into fights when I would find her re-doing or taking over the very things I said I would help out with *because they weren't done right or when she wanted them to be done*. I explained how this made me feel but she would go right back to it and I ended up leaving it for her. Since I was not doing it the right way (her way).

With my work schedule I am up and out the door by 7am and not home again until 7pm as I have 90+min commute to work every day. So by the time I get home, have supper and play with the girls there is very little time to do any "chores" I try and relax and spend some time with my wife before going to bed.

I have been thinking about the fork in the road that is ahead of me and not sure what path I am destined to go down. On one hand I do not want to go through this anymore. I'm tired of being blamed for petty things and for things that I have no control over. On the other hand I love my girls more then life itself and do not want to lose them. Although I understand that I may not have a choice in the matter if my wife chooses to leave.

I am so very lost and sad about this. As much as this has started to sink in today I am sure the reality will really hit when I go home to an empty house tonight after work.

This is in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

separatedmomof3 · 10-06-2010, 03:52 PM

So sorry to hear about your wife and daughters. My husband moved out of our home 4 weeks ago and I am still a mess. He is in an apartment in town and our three kids are at the house with me. All I can say is it will get a little easier in time. Right now it will do you good to look at yourself and do some soul searching to see how you can improve things if and when she does return.

Good luck to you!

the guy · 10-06-2010, 09:35 PM

It sucks but remember you are 1/2 the proplem.
It take two to work this out and the vows you both took should mean something to her.
Do not beg, pleed, or grovel to get her back. Believe me, I know you are hurting, DONT SHOW IT, What you want to show is that you are confident and strong and you will be the father your kids need.(work out and run)
I hope your a good actor
And one more thing, when your wife wants to come back, she will need to join you in MC and work together on repairing the marriage as best friends.

healingme · 10-06-2010, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the guy

Believe me, I know you are hurting, DONT SHOW IT, What you want to show is that you are confident and strong and you will be the father your kids need.(work out and run)
I hope your a good actor

What's so wrong with showing her that you are hurting? I'm sorry but I am a wife who has left her husband for several reasons, one of them being the fact that he doesn't display any emotion, and as an emotional being myself, I find it upsetting that he never showed me how he really felt about me. How is suppressing your true feelings for her going to help her to understand how much you love her?

When I left him I told him "I want a divorce" and there was no reaction. So I said "your wife has just told you she wants to divorce you and you still have no reaction?" to which he responded "what do you want me to do? Cry? Because I'm not going to do that" to which I responded "thank you. You just made this easier for me."

I understand that we all have our own reasons for wanting out, but please don't bottle up your feelings. Just control the way you let them out so you keep your dignity.

the guy · 10-07-2010, 12:48 AM

healingme has added an important part that I missed. Yes you are hurt, and yes you are in love with her, and yes you are the man that protects her and the confident, strong person she choose to marry.

Remember, she most likely married you because you showed her your confidence, you can protect her and comfort her.

So you are at the "fork", are you going to show your commitment to your vows or let her move on?

Make no mistake I'm not saying you need to be johnny bad ass, but you need to be strong. It is so easy to be weak and have self pity. It is really really tuff to be the strong person that, I think you need to be. Show her you care but will move on if she decides to pail out.
Only you know the best course of action, and good luck

olivia234 · 10-07-2010, 02:15 AM

am im going to add is...

why did u get married in the first place? meaning what was it about the two of u that made u think u didnt want anyone else? when did u realise this person whom u love is the one u want to build ur life with.

what made her fall in love with you? like what was it about yourself that u think she fell in love with

what has changed?? has the relationship got romance passion.. i know these are hard to keep up but sometimes its the little things that matter to a woman not a whole bunch fireworks etc

woman are emotional and i think you need to be a man as in show ur confident etc but also show ur hurting that your willing to try to work it out. my ex didnt show he cared when i told him i wanted to separate and get a divorce. he acted like i was telling him im getting a hair cut or something. no emotion

separatedmomof3 · 10-07-2010, 07:20 AM

I totally agree with healing you have to show her that this upsets you, that you are a loving caring guy. It will not do you or her any good if you keep you emotions all bottled up inside of you. You have to let her know that you want this marriage to work and you are going to fight for it.

Take it from me somone who has not showed very much emotion at all in the past 23 years and now my husband lives across town. Hind sight is 20/20, I sure wish I had of show him more how much I love him and maybe we would not be in this boat right now.

Good luck to you!